The conservative Family Research Council yesterday said that a repeal of DADT will lead to soldiers having unwanted gay sex and that "homosexuals in the military are about three times as likely to commit sexual assaults as heterosexuals are."

Good news! President Obama has given his stamp of approval to a compromise on repealing the Pentagon's "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy, which effectively bars gay people from serving in the military. It might even happen this week!

Yesterday's suicide car bombing in Kabul pushed the US military casualty count in Afghanistan past one thousand. Pictured is one: Zarian Wood, killed by a bomb last Sunday at the age of 29. [A list of the dead. Pic: FB.]

Silver Spoons star Ricky Schroder went to Washington, D.C. last week. "I met with the Prime Minister of Zimbabwe and with the guys at the Pentagon to see if I could help them with anything entertainment related." God help us.

A mysterious fungus is wreaking havoc on Afghanistan's opium poppies, which account for 92% of the world's supply. Local farmers blame the US military and NATO after a white substance appeared on their crops. The United Nations blames nature.

Hey! Here's a medal we can get behind: Generals may someday give medals for "restraint that prevents civilian casualties in combat." We've gotten to the point where we're giving medals out for not killing people! Progress: America style. [CNN] (pic)

This awesome remake of Lady Gaga's Telephone (on location in Afghanistan) brings new meaning to the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy. I mean, just look at the choreography! Come home safe, boys, but more importantly: work it!

Defense Secretary Robert Gates says the Pentagon is using a "number of unorthodox approaches" to treat post-traumatic stress, "including aromatherapy, acupuncture, stuff like that." We have a copy of Pure Moods, if the Army wants it. [Reuters]

In a dusty storeroom in Afghanistan, seven soldiers stand in formation. Lady Gaga is on the sound system. They dance. Videos like these from the frontline are a far cry from candid camera hazing rituals that usually grab the spotlight.

Yesterday we met a group of nimble-footed U.S. soldiers who, in their free time in Afghanistan, remade Lady Gaga's "Telephone" video, with glorious results. Today, The Smoking Gun introduces us to the lip-syncing stars of the 82nd Airborne Division. [TSG]

This video shows a group of nimble-footed U.S. soldiers remaking the "Telephone" video. The result is magnificent. Alternating between regulation camo and spangled leotards, our men in Afghanistan swing their hips, snap their wrists, and twinkle their toes like pros.

Daniel Ruf died of "multi-organ system failure" while desperately exercising to join the Marines. His mother is now suing the recruiters, alleging they forced him to wear a "plastic suit" and work out in 100-degree-plus temperatures.

The Defense Department is worried that gay soldiers may not want to participate in a survey that will ask for their thoughts on repealing DADT. Perhaps that's because the law, which bars gays from openly serving, is still in place?

The first steps toward repealing Don't Ask, Don't Tell will be announced today by Defense Secretary Robert Gates. A Pentagon spokesman said the initial changes would "provide for a more humane enforcement and application of the law." [WaPo]

Can strong core muscle workouts and avoiding bad stew give you plump lips, a killer imperialist warrior spirit, and a victory over Manny Pacquiao? These and other important issues are explored in today's Fitness Watch—we're watching fitness, downward doggedly!

The Supreme Court has agreed to rule on whether the father of a dead Marine can sue Westboro "God Hates Fags" Baptist Church of Stone Cold Psychos for protesting his son's funeral. Alternately, he could just punch them. [NYT]

Despite "no credible information to support the allegations," five Arabic translators are currently under investigation for trying to poison Fort Jackson's food, reports Fox News and CBN. UPDATE: Reasons why the story is dubious.

Hear ye, hear ye, our rulers hath decreed: The military exertion formerly known as "Operation Iraqi Freedom" shall henceforth be known as "Operation New Dawn." Petraeus and Gates asked for the new name, and were approved. Read their official memo.

Last we heard of Arabic-speaking National Guardsman Dan Choi, he had been discharged from the army for coming out on Rachel Maddow's MSNBC show. But now it appears the lieutenant has been called back to duty and rejoined his unit.

The streets of Port-au-Prince contained scenes of commerce and activity Tuesday morning, instead of just devastation and death. Merchants sold fruits and vegetables amid the rubble of destroyed businesses. More cars were winding through the debris-strewn streets.