What is this we spy with our jaded eye? It is a new Mark Penn patented Microtrend column. We have not forgotten you, Mark Penn, you shady, shady character! Today, Mark Penn explains why god is dumb.

PR-man-masquerading-as-newspaper-columnist Mark Penn invented the term "Soccer Mom," which, of course, is the queen of all Microtrends. But now he's declaring the whole Soccer Mom thing dunzo! What catchphrase will you hang your hat on now, Señor Penn?

Mark Penn has not published a self-serving WSJ column since 9/16. We miss you, Mark!

Trendy flack Mark Penn promised the WSJ that his evil PR firm would stop using his newspaper column as a tool to troll for PR clients. Instead, he's just writing columns off of surveys by his own polling firm!

Lo! Like a slow, squawking bird sent down from heaven to a desultory duck hunting expedition, Microtrend-inventing flack Mark Penn is back with another WSJ column. His first since we learned how dirty he is!

Microtrend-spotting genius Mark Penn hasn't had a new WSJ column since it was pointed out that he's using the column to recruit PR clients. (Which the WSJ doesn't care about!). Potential clients are waiting, Mark! What are you—chicken??

Mark Penn, the strategist who dashed Hillary Clinton's presidential hopes, is the Wall Street Journal's "Microtrend"-spotting columnist. He's also CEO of PR giant Burson-Marsteller. Only a scumbag would abuse the former to drum up business for the latter.

Have they moved Mark Penn's fortnightly genius column to Saturdays just to thwart us? No matter! This week's Microtrend secretly shaping our society: Glamorous Camping, or "glamping." (Utter silence). Uhhh. Maybe Saturday is the right day. [WSJ]

American genius thinker of the first order Mark Penn has produced yet another newspaper column, about a Microtrend, as is his wont. This one is about how We Are All Bosses Now and features many nonsensical space-filling words, namely:

Paltry idea-hustler Mark Penn's column today actually contains a single legitimately interesting fact(!). It also affords an easy joke opportunity at Mark Penn's expense! He is an Elite.

Mark Penn, failed campaign strategist and head of one of the world's most ostentatiously amoral PR firms, has used polling and research to ferret out a new microtrend: People are pessimistic, these days. That will be one million dollars. [WSJ]

Men: poor dumb fat drunk losers. It's a microtrend!

Just in case you had any remaining shred of a suspicion that inane Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn might actually have some worthwhile advice about something, today he touts blogging as a good job opportunity. Ha!

Yesterday we asserted that former Bush roboflackMale Ari Fleischer was America's most irrelevant talking head. Today, however, we learned that former Bush roboflackFemale Dana Perino is joining forces with Microtrend maker-upper Mark Penn. Revision:

Oh. Damn. Microtrend-spotting evil flack Mark Penn has struck upon the way to get rich. And he reveals it today, in his microtrend column! Totally. Ironclad. Moneymaking. This is why he's much wealthier than you: