Well, according to ComingZune.com, Microsoft's new "Zune" product is all about men molesting bunnies while Regina Spektor sings. (Yeah, before you click that at work, switch to headphones.)

Hang with government informants! Bribe execs from Baidu! Microsoft, which recently lost the exec in charge of kicking Google's ass, is currently hunting for an official Google-fighting point man in China. This seems like a great chance to live out those power fantasies of your childhood in a market where competition means more than who has the better engineering department. In China, it's all about tattling on your competitor, jailing dissidents, and buying into the censorship culture. How refreshing after this mamby-pamby liberal Valley environment!

Let's get down to some nitty gritty — who's moving where in this big dumb game we call the tech industry?

Maybe it's my lack of ambition and ability to waste time, but wandering around a company with nothing to do is my idea of a dream job. A tipster from Seattle says MSN VP Michael Rawding (who was supposed to quit after Microsoft shook up MSN) is in this enviable position.

• Bill Gates says Vista will be ready in January. Unless it won't. [MSNBC]

Hint to Microsoft: In your online ads, try not to have the stock-photo guy real MSN employee laugh nervously at all your available job options.

Kudos to Fortune Magazine for catching that AOL is the new Yahoo. But that's not the whole story, is it? Google's also the new Yahoo — and Yahoo's the new Yahoo too. The top of the software/dot-com industry is built like so:

Despite a rumored round of layoffs, the world's biggest software maker won't turn into Mini-Microsoft any time soon. Instead, Bill Gate's empire is expanding its already massive 30,000-employee headquarters in Redmond for up to 12,000 more workers (or, as the New York Times grimly puts it, "bodies").

What identifies the big players in tech? Revenue may indicate it, mindshare too. But truly deep pockets get targeted by high-profile lawsuits. Take, for example, the lawsuits filed against the Big Three this month, here listed from most worthy to most frivolous.

BusinessWeek's hype-killing article on Google's product line has everyone buzzing about the company's product cycle. Guest writer Garry Bibb explains the process — it all starts with a Battlestar Galactica marathon and some Mike's Hard Lemonade.

Got this tip a bit late, but the rash of exits of high-level Microsoft employees has forced the company to scale back to a core team. An internal photo of this team just leaked out:

The defection of Microsoft's platform evangelist Vic Gundotra to Google, days after MS's Google assassin Martin Taylor slunk off, is more than a bad sign. According to Microsoft troll Chris Coulter, it's — well, picture a comically large stack of soup cans in a Disney movie. Now pull one can from the bottom layer. Chris plays war correspondent in this speed-and-liquor-fueled totally sober doomsaying guest post.

Oh god, get ready for the gloating Google fans. Business 2.0 reports that Microsoft platform evangelist Vic Gundotra (pictured) jumped ship and joined Google, much like Kai-Fu Lee did last year.

"I've received 33,000+ hits and counting to this post," says the blogger who wrote "Wikipedia 3.0: The End of Google?" on Monday. His piece got blogged all over, promoted to the Digg front page, and fueled the starry-eyed bloggers searching for doom to herald for Google. (It was also just a troll.) Kudos to him, but he — and everyone who believed him — was wrong.

While the New York Times may not always think the best of the soon-to-retire Bill Gates, it was cruel to remind him how he'll spend the rest of his life.

Five Internet giants are pooling their resources to create the largest child porn library on Earth.

Well, this explains why Microsoft seems ignorant of the Net:

Grab some coffee and thank the gods you weren't replaced by a temp in Bangalore. It's a happy happy Monday, because:

Almost missed this, until another blog pointed it out: Bill Gates watches illegal movies. Yes, the Microsoft chairman, whose company cracks down on software pirates, entertains himself with arguably pirated video on YouTube. He admitted it in the Wall Street Journal:

The San Jose Mercury News picks an odd quote to describe shareholder-vs.-corporation lawsuits: