With Michigan State's crushing defeat on Saturday to Wisconsin in the Big Ten championship football game, tensions are particularly high between the two states. It's almost as if any little thing could set a Michigander off — for example, a tourism campaign that likens Wisconsin to a deformed mitten.

While the Pentagon sets about distributing old grenade launchers, armored tanks, and other gear to help towns across America fight Osama bin Laden, a homeland security program in Michigan is approaching the war on terror in a less militarizing, more taste bud-satisfying (and low-fat) way: By arming counties with snow cone machines.

Troy, Michigan mayor Janice Daniels will never again be able to visit New York City without bumping into hordes of same-sex married couples showing off their wedding bands and ruining the city she once loved. It's enough to make her throw out her "I Love NY" carrying bag in disgust!

Michigan Democratic Rep. Dale Kildee, 82, has issued a strongly worded denial of accusations made by the mother of a male cousin, who says her son was sexually abused by the longtime congressman 50 years ago.

Shit ton isn't a scientific measure, but it can be used to describe the 104 bricks of coke that Leo Sharp, an 87-year-old Indiana resident, was busted with in Michigan. This is like a real life Breaking Bad.

The most shocking thing in this story from the Michigan Messenger about the influx of homeless people in Traverse City isn't about people dying of frostbite under a bridge. It's the fact that Anthony Ciccone, one of Madonna's older brothers, has been homeless for a year and a half.

Remember 71-year-old Rita Daniels and her 54-year-old boytoy Tim Adams, who were busted by the cops for having boozy sex in the backseat of her car? Well, they pleaded no contest and were sentenced today.

During a school picnic, an assistant principal who apparently had never been to a park before spotted an empty liquor bottle lying on the ground and immediately knew, just knew, that this one eighth grader with no history of drinking whatsoever had left it there. Nobody drinks in the woods.

It's summertime, so let's harvest some locally-grown, organic outrage. A Michigan woman is facing up to 93 days in jail for planting a vegetable garden in her own front yard.

A shooting spree in Grand Rapids, Michigan, has left seven dead, including one child. The suspect, 34-year-old Rodrick Dantzler (pictured), is currently holed up in an apartment with at least one hostage.

Everyone welcome Thad McCotter to the race for the Republican presidential nomination! Who? you ask. Well, according to our notes, McCotter is a... congressman from... Michigan who, let's see, is supposed to be sort of funny? (According to Andrew Breitbart McCotter is "blunt, sarcastic, pop-culture-savvy, constitutionally sound and an authentic voice.") Also, he looks vaguely like my AP US History teacher, so he'll definitely have the Princeton High School class of 2003 vote locked. Oh, and the issues! McCotter's "themes" are: "The challenge of globalization, the war for freedom against terrorists, the rise of Communist China and whether moral relativism erodes a nation built on self-evident truth." McCotter announced his bid for the presidency yesterday at the "WAAM Freedom Fest," where he also played guitar. [Detroit Free Press]

The Mitt Romney campaign released a web video this morning about young Ryan King, a recent college graduate from destitute Midland, Michigan, who drives around the local trash and destruction all day, just lookin' for a job. He has $3 and only eats bologna sandwiches. Why won't President Obama let him get a job? He is a failed leader.

A 7-year-old kid in Michigan stole his stepfather's Pontiac Sunfire and drove more than 20 miles at speeds above 50 miles an hour. When police finally stopped him, he was wearing his pajamas and crying that he wanted to go visit his father. Aw, it's almost cute!

For two months, the Goodwill store in Fenton, Michigan has been holding onto an urn—delivered to the store in a cardboard Palmolive box labeled "Grandma's urn"—because staffers assumed somebody would return and reclaim it. But nobody ever did.

As most of you know, the West Branch State Forest Campground in Dickinson County, Michigan (on the Upper Peninsula, not the mitten-shaped one!) closed back in 2009 due to budget cuts. But recently someone has been mowing the grass, reopening the bathrooms, and moving rocks around.

In March 2011, Patrick McGinty, his wife, and their five kids endured a house fire that killed their three beloved dogs. That experience alone would cause many people to fall into a serious depression! But the McGintys are apparently a special kind of family.

Back in January, Newsweek placed Grand Rapids, Michigan on a list of America's "Dying Cities." Naturally, many Grand Rapids natives (like yours truly!) were outraged by the grievous attack on the office furniture capital of the world. (It's true.)

A veterinarian in Grand Rapids is offering a $500 reward for anyone who knows who shot his new friend, Bow the Cat, with a bow and arrow. A what? Yep—as it turns out, this sort of awful thing happens fairly often.

An unnamed 31-year-old man was arrested early this morning in Petoskey, Michigan, while dressed as Batman and dangling from a rope on the side of a building. In his utility belt were some sort of baton, lead-lined gloves, and pepper spray. Well, pepper spray was always was the Joker's Achilles Heel.

College student Dillon Pearce probably did not set out to be a jerk of almost cosmic proportions when he head to McDonald's on Monday. And yet, according to police, he ended up intentionally running over four ducklings. In his Hummer.