Global liquor conglomerates, take note: a hastily constructed website is calling for a boycott of Absolut. Run a humorous ad in Mexico and face financial ruin, Pernod Ricard corporation! "Absolut vodka is trying to sell liquor to Mexicans that aspire to control the Southwest United States," reveals boycott organizer William "Yosemite" Gheen. Now if he can only get Matt Sanchez on his side...Despite its insistence on spelling the company's name "Absolute," the website has already attracted more than 120 visits and nearly 7 comments. But its visual and documentary evidence of the brewing Mexican separatist movement that threatens American freedom may be its most powerful tool:

Absolut ran an ad in Mexico showing the pre-1848 map of that country with the tagline, "In An Absolut World." The ad agency explained to the LA Times, unnecessarily, that "The campaign taps into the national pride of Mexicans." Now I see! Well, true patriots in this country aren't about to stand for some Mexicans reconquering the American Southwest via a liquor advertisement. Some internet users—even Long Islanders!—are calling for an Absolut boycott [LAT via Drudge]. That's fine with us. Xenophobes don't need to be drinking in the first place. The full version of the treasonous ad is below.

The US government would maybe like to spruce up the network of existing interstates that runs from Texas to our Canadian border. The state of Texas, meanwhile, is looking into constructing a multi-lane freeway that would stretch from Laredo, on the Mexican border, to Arkansas. Naturally, this means that the American government has sold us out to foreign interests, dissolved our sovereignty, and allowed the shadowy "North American Union" to begin work on a vast "NAFTA Superhighway"—several football fields wide!—that would destroy our borders, and our rights, for good. This conspiracy theory, quite popular among the more extreme cranks of the far-right and libertarian movements, was brought to our attention by the tireless work promoting it done by respected economic commentator Lou Dobbs, of CNN.

Star magazine is positing that crazy, bewigged former (let's be honest) singer Britney Spears secretly married paparazzo main squeeze Adnan Ghalib when the two darted off to Mexico last month. But, Adnan is still technically married to his first wife, AzLynn Berry, so any marriage with Spears would be null and void. (But symbolically totally romantic). To that end, it's been rumored that Spears gave Ghalib $250,000 to give to Berry so she would hurry up already with the divorce proceedings. Gossip maven Ben Widdicombe calls this "the only logical reason" for Britney's sudden trip south of the border, which is sort of funny because at this point she could ride down the street on a flaming bicycle, followed by a small parade of koala bears and it wouldn't seem out of the ordinary. "Logical" is not a word that really ever factors into the Spears equation. [Daily News] After the jump, part one of an Entertainment Tonight interview with Ghalib.

First YouTube, then Facebook, now Mexico — Yahoo just can't cut a deal with anyone. Mexico has retracted its approval of Yahoo's new promotional stunt, beaming a laser version of a time capsule filled with items submitted from around the world from the Pyramid of the Sun in Teotihuacan. The plans also call for projecting the contents onto the side of the pyramid.

Yahoo gets festive today for Cinco de Mayo, while Google snubs the Mexican holiday for the seventh year running:

No? No watch free? Oh, CNN, how you toy with us.