Last night's Lincoln Center shitshow served as a pleasant reminder that David Blaine isn't a magician so much as a stunt man — and an inept one at that. After spending 7 days pruning in his human aquarium, the showboat emerged to wrap himself in chains and go back under in an attempt to hold his breath for nine minutes and thus break a world record. Alas, he came up for air two minutes short of the record. Pussy.
The wonders of email brought this heartwarming tale to Gawker HQ:
• In the grand tradition of ABBA and Ace of Base, Scandanavian imports the Concretes bring their "shimmery" pop to Bowery Ballroom. Think Mamma Mia, but tolerable. [flavorpill]
• Patriot Acts celebrates the grand tradition of bitching about America while raising money for a good cause. Bring your stars, your stripes, and your whine to the Civilians Benefit tonight at NYU's Skirball Center. [The Civilians]
• The Other Talent Show showcases the skills of Manhattan's finest semi-unemployed comedians. Expect a lot of tubas, tap dancing, and other attempts at overcompensation. [Paper]
Four reasons to completely disregard New York's list of "influentials":
Looking way back to March, when we launched our Gawker Stalker Maps, we recall a certain amount of paranoia from celebrity publicists, who were certain that our life-threatening rundown of where and when boldface names were spotted would result in nothing but violent carnage. And oh, how George Clooney wept for the safety of his brethern.
After a week of submersion in his captivating stunt bubble, New York will finally be relieved of magician David Blaine tonight as he plans to emerge from his freshwater aquarium. According to plans, Blaine will climb out, dramatically wrap himself in 150 lbs. of chains, and then re-enter the dunk tank to hold his breath for 9 minutes while breaking free from the bonds of publicity.
Friday:
• At "Breaking the Band," OC creator Josh Schwartz explains his awesome power to make indie bands non-indie. (Hint: Having a TV show helps.) [Paper]
• The Whitney hosts Matmos, whose past musical experiences include "simulated cranial drilling and rat-cage plucking." Like you haven't seen that a million times before. [flavorpill]
Well, OK, maybe the second biggest danger. After having everyone think you're a cheesy self-promoting tool.
After yesterday's excitement of having TOM CRUISE (SO AWESOME!) unleashed and set loose in Manhattan, everything today seems soul-crushingly lackluster. For nostalgia's sake, Best Week Ever has a video of a special Cruise moment; watching it makes one realize that as much as we might miss him, we bet he misses our firefighters even more.
• It doesn't happen very often that artsy people open their inner circle of elitism and crudites, but when they do, you should hop on board. Tonight, El Museo del Barrio gives informal insights on the works of Felix Gonzalez-Torres. [flavorpill]
• The East Village Opera Company hits Irving Plaza. It's more rock-n-roll than typical opera music, but if you go you can still feel like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. [EVO]
• Rolling Stone continues its charge towards relevancy with the world's most absurd party at the Hammerstein Ballroom. You stand absolutely zero chance of getting in, but we're urging you to storm the door and give it your best shot. Ladies, just say you're Jann's surrogate. [Upcoming]
Having particularly diligent (and/or obsessive) readers means that we receive literally dozens of celebrity sightings each day. While we never have nor will fact-check any of them, we do try our best to eliminate the ones that seem useless (reality TV stars, Chris Noth) or totally fake (Natalie Portman in a stretch Hummer). It's an imperfect process, but we mean well.
Look! There he is! In Times Square! Outside TRL! He's so hot! So awesome! So hip! So masculine! Look at how fast he moves! His movie is gonna rock!
• Tonight's Dave Hill Comedy show features the kids from the late band Luna — they'll be chatting, singing, and making you love them more. If that's not enough, we hear there might be a donkey. [DHO]
•Puracane rhymes with "hurricane," which we find incredibly distracting. They play tonight at Tonic with Dana Kletter and the Looking. [Tonic]
• If you're not so much into sports and/or writing about it, the Varsity Letters Reading Series still has something to offer: Vanity Fair's David Margolick will be reading. Heckle loud and proud. [Varsity Letters]
This just in to the ol' Gawker mailbag:
Brave Gawker readers continue to stalk Tom Cruise's cruisazy train through Manhattan. Here, Maverick signs autographs outside the Ed Sullivan Theater last night on the way in for his Letterman taping. And, to be honest, we barely recognize the guy anymore without Katie Holmes affixed to him. Weird.
