One government agency is clambering all over itself this summer to let Americans know that mermaids almost certainly do not exist.

Mariah Carey's Tour De Crazy continues in full force, as shown by this post-acceptance speech interview last night. Here she talks about how her mermaid-shaped award from the Capri International Film Festival matches her "Mermaid Room" at home. Somebody help.

As if small-town America didn't have its hands full dealing with the death of manufacturing jobs and the crystal meth epidemic, now it has to worry about some money-grubbing Danes demanding payment for big-breasted mermaid statue knockoffs. Where's the outrage?