As if small-town America didn't have its hands full dealing with the death of manufacturing jobs and the crystal meth epidemic, now it has to worry about some money-grubbing Danes demanding payment for big-breasted mermaid statue knockoffs. Where's the outrage?

Several Midwestern towns with Danish heritage have seen fit, over the years, to use a portion of their municipal budgets to construct replicas of Copenhagen's famous "Little Mermaid" statue. Now the ancestors of the sculptor are going after poor little Greenville, Michigan—demanding licensing payments for the town's statue (even though "it's half the size of the original and has a different face and other distinct features, including larger breasts"). This is just the beginning of the Danish assault!

Annette Andersen, a resident of Kimballton, Iowa, headed a community group that raised the $12,000 needed to restore that town's mermaid statue a few years ago. "Oh boy, I hope they don't find us," says Ms. Andersen, when told about the controversy in Michigan. She says she knows of several towns that have mermaids, including one in Minnesota, but adds, "Theirs aren't as pretty as ours."

Rest assured they've found you now, Annette. Who are the layabout Danish sculptor ancestors to decide how Real Americans see fit to honor mermaids, big-breasted and otherwise? Particularly when the Danes themselves are god damn statue hypocrites:

The statue in Copenhagen is itself a copy; the original has been attacked repeatedly — pieces stolen, arm cut off, painted pink, draped in a burqa — and is now stored in a secret location.

That secret location: Kimballton, Iowa. We hope nobody finds out.
[WSJ. Pic via]