Last night, tween screams filled the air as Justin Bieber, with the angelic voice of "an electrified chipmunk," performed in Madison Square Garden. Elsewhere in New York, hero newsman Pat Kiernan got his Justin Bieber haircut on.

Breaking: everyone involved in online dating is a craven, superficial liar. And that's the good news. We're all equal! Dating should be a breeze, since we're all young, tall, wealthy, and attractive (online). But the evidence says: love's tough.

For those of you who were wondering: old men wearing camo halter tops and matching bikini bottoms will—repeat, will—be allowed to board planes, here in America. It's the land of the free. Duh. Larger pic is below.

Tabloid sex writer and bubbling vat of ill-concealed self-loathing Andrea Peyser refuses to bow to Hollywood's liberal sex standards. Maybe Jennifer Aniston is happy fucking a turkey baster—but for Andrea Peyser, only a live human male will do.

First, America's women were relentlessly assaulted by Spanx™ undergarments, which bound their bodies tight like so many sausage cases. Now, our nation's men—once presumed impervious to this sort of thing—are also falling prey to, well, girdles, for chrissake.

The good people at the Unilever corporation are using their scientific expertise to assist you, the 18-24 year-old male, with mating. Do you have a desire to mate? An Axe™ product may be useful in your mating quest.

A new study says that less than one-third of baby boys in US hospitals last year were circumcised—down from 56% in 2006, and about two-thirds in the 80s and 90s. Just letting you know, lest anyone get surprised. [NYT]

Sorry, it's just science. A new study confirms that men whose wives make more than they do are more likely to cheat. This study was conducted by a PhD student from Cornell—an Ivy!—so it must be real.

Bethenny Getting Married? has shown us that Bethenny's nanny, Gina, is the sh*t. Jason comments that Bethenny's body looks great after pregnancy and Gina proceeds to remind Bethenny to keep an eye on him because "men are stinkers, you know?"

A "socially inept" Pennsylvania judge has been suspended from his job for calling repeatedly and "making uninvited visits" to the homes of five women. We'd expect that from a lawyer, cop, or other male professional. But not a judge. [AP]

The Swiss government said this morning it will not extradite cinematic auteur and skeezy rapist Roman Polanski to the US to face charges of raping an underage girl in 1977. Said the Swiss justice minister: "He's a free man." [NYT]

Robert Tyrell is a 29 year-old resident of Villa Rica (translation: "noble small town"), GA. He lives at home with his mom. Things he possesses: male pride, a gun. Things he does not possess: ironing skills, gratitude, problem-solving abilities.

It's common knowledge that certain brands of automobiles reveal their drivers to be chicks, or—worse—undercover chicks. Finally, researchers have quantified the most feminine cars. If you drive one, you are a total chick. Looking at you, VW.

Today we looked at a very lame pickup artist who left a strange voicemail for a lady. One commenter helpfully translated the subtext of the message and arrived at a depressing social conclusion.

Science: Women work like this (mostly during regular 9-5 hours), but men work like this (far more likely to work off-hour shifts). Economic-centric gender theoreticians postulate this may be due to the fact that women be shoppin. [NYT]

"Cougars" die younger; "sugar daddies" live longer. So young men kill, which we already knew.

As the ideal male figure slims down to a wriggling indie nothing, so too must boy fashion mannequins. It's a new trend! A 27-inch-waist mannequin will soon hit our shores, sending all but the twinkiest into a shame spiral. Payback?

Fiendish German and British "scientists" have put the cuddly-wuddly hormone Oxytocin into a nasal spray. They say that men who use it become more empathetic and better able to learn from positive feedback. [BBC]

Belgian men's magazine Che, one of the foremost practitioners of assvertising, has a fun new online promo: "The Blow Job," rowrrrr. **May result in your image being recorded and used by Che for promotional purposes. Blow it hard, fellas! [Adrants]

Former NY1 reporter Adele Sammarco is suing the news station, alleging that an environment of sexual harassment ruined her career there. Her case was strengthened yesterday when a former colleague revealed her butt-related nickname. But: insiders have their doubts.