Here's a disgusting new way to make Baby healthier: Instead of being an uptight parent who uses dishwashers or soap or basic hygiene, try "cleaning" your infant's gross pukey pacifier by sticking that thing in your mouth and sucking away.

Welcome to our science-like weekly feature, "Hey, Science," in which we will have our most provocative scientific questions answered by real live scientists (or related experts). No question is too smart for us to tackle, theoretically speaking. This week, experts address a Gawker reader's wacky theory: Can massive blood transfusions be used to treat AIDS?

How bad is this year's flu season? Here's a Google map that estimates how bad the flu is across the country based on aggregated Google search data. No matter where you live in the U.S., you're facing "intense" or "high" flu activity — unless you live in Connecticut, in which case you're only looking at "moderate" activity (but you're suffering enough).

If this doesn't prove that you should always self-diagnose yourself with the worst symptom-matching WebMD diagnosis possible, nothing will. After four months of leaking a grotesque amount of liquid from her nose, which several doctors initially blamed on severe allergies, Aundrea Aragon went to the emergency room where, after testing the fluid, she was diagnosed with a cerebrospinal fluid leak AKA her brain juices were leaking all over her face.

A New Zealand man who lost his sight after accidentally mixing vodka and diabetes medication was brought back from the brink of permanent blindness by a bottle of whisky.

Not being able to feel pain sounds like an okay deal. "No hangovers!" you shout, as you crack your sixth beer of the night. But, here's the thing about the human body: We feel pain so that we don't severely injure ourselves. This week, the New York Times Magazine has the story of Ashlyn Blocker, a 13 year old Georgia girl who has "congenital insensitivity to pain," which means exactly that — she feels no pain. Here are just some of the most stomach-churning anecdotes in the piece:

This Brazilian gentleman's scalp, NBC News informs us, is not "neither a funky new look nor a hipster trend" — that is, unless medical conditions that create folds and creases on the surface of your scalp are a hipster trend! (They're not.) The condition is called "cutis verticis gyrata":

Remember when we told you late last year that gonorrhea, an STD that can cause infertility and death, is "possibly becoming untreatable"? Well, now the disease is closer to untreatable than it has been since doctors devised a way to treat it in the first place. We're down to just one antibiotic that can effectively fight the disease, and after that, uhh, umm—have we tried fire?

Meet Maurizio and Roberto Viel. They are twin brothers who co-own a plastic surgery practice and have performed multiple procedures on one another to increase their resemblance. (Maurizio gave Roberto a nose job; Roberto plumped Maurizio's face.) One surgery they have not performed on each other, however, is their practice's specialty: Penis enlargement.

This is flesh-eating bacteria, magnified a lot. And the type of bacteria attacking 24-year-old Aimee Copeland's body, Aeromonas hydrophila, is "remarkably common."

Meet Tim Barter, a 32-year-old British "visual effects director" who sustained a 25-foot fall in 2009 and had the resulting dent in his head with a titanium plate and stomach fat by doctors at Kings College Hospital. (I've got a call in to see if they can turn stomach fat into biceps. I'll let you all know.) On the downside, one side effect is that you end up looking like someone who was on Australian Big Brother. [HuffPo]

The investigation into Oneal Ron Morris—the Floridian fake doctor accused of preying on the transgender community and injecting "cement, Fix-a-Flat, mineral oil, and superglue" into patients—has expanded to include "as many as 30" victims, the New York Daily News reports. Victims of "The Duchess" are coming forward from as far away as Indiana, The Miami Herald reports, and the Department of Health is now involved. [NYDN, Miami Herald]

Today in free speech vs. public safety debates: American bureaucrats beg Science and Nature magazines not to unlock the secrets of a "man-made mutant killer flu virus" invented in a Dutch laboratory, that could kill everyone forever, or at least give some rodents a case of the runs.

Finally, a follow-up to blockbuster CNN medical article "What to Do When Body Parts Fall Off." Everyone, meet "celebrity cosmetic surgery" provider Dr. Anthony Youn and his latest CNN column, "Smoking Can Make Your Nipples Fall Off."

"How much coffee is safe?" the BBC wonders, before letting us know that "the advice is much less clear-cut." Psh! We can tell you how much coffee is safe.

By tweaking the H5N1 bird flu virus a bit, a Netherlands-based virologist and his crew have created a highly contagious version that, if ever unleashed upon the general population, could kill millions of us. But don't fret! Their research, like that one Rolling Stones documentary, hasn't been released to the public. At least not yet, anyway.

As part of their ongoing investigation into Oneal Ron Morris—the Floridian fake doctor accused of injecting "cement, 'Fix a Flat,' mineral oil and super glue" into people's butts—police have arrested Corey Alexander Eubank, Morris's alleged assistant. Now both are unemployed.

America's War on Fake Butts continues! Here are some police photos of 30-year-old Oneal Ron Morris, a not-doctor arrested by Miami Gardens, Florida police for allegedly giving women—and herself?—butt injections using a mixture of "cement, 'Fix a Flat,' mineral oil and super glue."

As certified by his physician, President Obama is "tobacco-free," just like an herbal cigarette. He weighs a healthy 181 pounds, is physically active, eats healthy, and "on occasion drinks alcohol in moderation," which makes him a very bad Muslim.

For once in its life, science has done something actually useful, and taught us all a valuable lesson: strawberries can help protect your stomach (an essential organ) from alcohol (an essential coping mechanism).