A.S. Hamrah, film critic for blah-blah-ing lit journal N+1, is stuck at the glamorous Cannes Film Festival but it's not as glamorous as it was when it was new, and that makes him sad. "It's not just that celebrities are dull. More and more, there's also something about them that fills us with revulsion. It used to be that a celebrity sighting was cause for celebration. You'd phone the wife and kids: 'Hey, I just saw Robert Stack walking into the Automat!' Now it's more an occasion for jeering. Or, more accurately, a chance to feel a deep queasiness about what's happened to our culture. The celebrity is quickly becoming a harbinger of nausea, a delivery system for Weltschmerz, there to remind us that things, actually, are what they seem: pathetic."

Serenity/Firefly and Buffy the Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon's upcoming Fox series Dollhouse is profiled today at Entertainment Weekly. And there's new video from the pilot. Eliza Dushku! "Dollhouse follows Dushku's Echo, a mysterious agent with no identity except for the personalities imprinted on her and then deleted by her employer depending on the wishes and needs of wealthy clients. Between assignments, Echo lives inside a cushy secret HQ with other blank-slate dolls in a state of oblivious, hyper-healthy bliss...though as the series unfolds, she's starting to remember stuff she shouldn't." Video after the jump.

So what caused Bill O'Reilly's now-infamous Inside Edition meltdown? This new video featuring his abusive producer provides some answers. Okay, it really doesn't, but it's funny.

"To its detractors, Park Slope is both haunt and hatchery of New York's smuggest limousine-liberal yuppies. It is, if I may further summarize the bad publicity, overrated and hypocritical. Its glorious brownstone blocks and jaunty cafes are awash in carpetbagger entitlement, ruled by snarling 'Stroller Nazis.' The neighborhood is a ground zero of all that is twee and lame. It is, God forbid, the suburbs." Well done. But what do the anonymous blog commenters have to say, New York Times?

Who will corporately sponsor actress Lindsay Lohan's 22nd rockin' birthday? Remember, it's the '00s now, and the Brand is You. Lindsay clearly understands this, as does the marketing firm handling her party. But let's cut the crap: if you're a sponsor for her birthday bash, what's in it for you? After all, this is what the marketing site calls "an internationally media worthy event. Lindsay and 10 of her closest friends will start the celebration in the early afternoon with manicures, facials and massages."

Obviously the forthcoming book Hollywood Babylon: It's Back is going to be the must-have ironic hipster book of the season, what with its collection of full-frontal shots of male celebrities like, allegedly, Mick Jagger, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Ewan McGregor and, terrifyingly, John Malkovich. But in case you can't afford, or bring yourself, to buy the cock gawker for your coffee table, here are the Cliff's Notes:

"Observers say he's involved in all sections of the magazine, including features and accessories, and attends edit meetings... insiders say there's been talk of the hockey hard man attending the couture shows in Europe next month along with Vogue editor in chief Anna Wintour." [WWD]

The CW network, home to teen drama Gossip Girl, may be closed next year thanks to you, a Web-surfing pop culture consumer, possibly between the ages of 18 and 34. If you actually sat and watched network television at the appointed time instead of flitting around the mediascape like a monkey, streaming things here and TiVOing things there, maybe the network could actually get some Nielsen ratings for its shows. Instead, ratings are down 28 percent among 18 to 34 year olds so far this year. Other networks' ratings are down in the wake of the writers' strike, but apparently things are worse at CW, because according to the Wall Street Journal, "the network's hopes of surviving are looking increasingly bleak," and at least one of the CW's owners, CBS and Time Warner, may abandon the network next year if ratings don't improve. And it's hard to see how they will:

A Brazilian newspaper is running a series of ads with the slogan "Understand the real value of money." So what's the real value of a dollar? Apparently it's terrorism, pollution, the Challenger disaster, war, and tornadoes. Oh, and weed. They didn't forget the weed. I won't pretend to be able to identify the underlying philosophy here, but I will point out that even dumb people have figured out that using 9/11 in ads is a bad idea. The takeaway: Give all your dollars to me. Below, the full ad from the Brasilmofascist menace:

Business types are excited about the news today that General Electric is planning to sell off its appliance division in a $5 billion move. Normal types are excited because this proves that GE CEO Jeff Immelt is now making decisions for his $323 billion company based on how they would affect the characters of 30 Rock. After Alec Baldwin's character Jack Donaghy got relieved of his imaginary position running the microwave division of GE's NBC on the April 21 episode, it was only a matter of time before this sale happened. The loss of a leader of Alec Baldwin's caliber—and its ripple effects on Tina Fey—sends strong signals to Wall Street. Recap video of that fateful episode is below. If GE decides to finance Tracy Morgan's Fat Bitch 2 movie, we're rating its stock a strong buy.

TV networks continue to come up with new and better ways to morph their shows into continuous advertisements. MTV is already selling ads that are designed to be mini-shows in themselves, and ABC has gone subliminal. Not to be outdone, Turner Entertainment is now telling advertisers that it can strategically insert their ads into commercial breaks directly following part of a broadcast that relates to their product. I'm not sure how this is supposed to make us more disposed to buy crap, but it will certainly make watching movie reruns that much more annoying:

Freaky deaky swinger singer R. Kelly is about to go on trial in his hometown of Chicago for the crime of child pornography. But first, they have to find a jury. And that seems to be more difficult that you would think, because, judging strictly by media coverage, Chicago is full of weasels, crazy people, and child porn supporters. After the jump, the five best reasons [from a longer list at the Chicago Tribune] that people have given to get out of serving on the jury in this case of the century:

Google has announced plans to blur all the human faces in its "Street View" service, which allows you to take a virtual photographic tour of interesting places like Manhattan so that you never have to leave your dank apartment in real life. This is, in all likelihood, to prevent you from seeing any inadvertently captured interesting moments, like drug deals or people crashing their bikes. Google says ""The purpose of Street View isn't looking at people, it's looking at buildings and locations." Whatever. Somewhere on there is a picture of a Google programmer flagging down a hooker. Occam's Razor, people. [AFP]

Yesterday, the New York Post splashed with a big story about on-air cussing WNBC anchor Sue Simmons being a drunk who liked to down cocktails before doing her show. Today, the tabloid's follow-up mentions how she denies having a drink before showtime in the last 15 years, without even acknowledging that Simmons is talking about the Post itself when she says "I understand now why many people don't trust the media." Apart from the "Journalism" issue here (ha), the odd part is that the paper should have a little more respect for fellow professional drunks. After all, boozing is a Post trademark—and it starts right at the top, with the paper's heroically enthusiastic alcohol-abusing editor Col Allan!

Turner Entertainment is experimenting with bringing contextual advertising to television. We all know and love contextual advertising on the internet—it's how Google controls your mind, after all—and we're excited to see the concept finally ported to the idiot box. Just think, the utterly inappropriate and often offensive juxtapositions of content and ads we know and love online will soon be an inescapable reality on our TVs. [NYT]

The James Frey Super Badass Killer book tour hit the Blender Theater this week, and the sleepy burg called New York is still reeling from the overpowering awesomeness. This tour, you'll recall, is not just some punk ass reading at Borders; no, it's a heavy metal-blasting punch of literary skill right in the face. Fiction writer Frey "walked through his adoring fans flanked by two huge body-builders," then read while hardcore Terry Richardson photos of guns flashed on a screen behind him. Someone asked Frey about writer's block. "Writer's block is for chumps," he replied. Step back, abstract psychological concept! At least Frey is bringing some energy to his book tour, as terrible as they usually are. But where was all that overpowering machismo when he was taping this Barnes & Noble promo earlier this week?:

The New York Post's puns don't beat around the bush. "Temeka Lewis, 32, 'fessed up to prostitution and money-laundering charges and promised to tell the feds everything she knows about the Emperors Club VIP, including a blow-by-blow description of Spitzer's dealings with hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupre, aka 'Kristen.'" More importantly, the Post has the new pictures of the woman who brought down New York's governor. She's photographed making the traditional pilgrimage of suburban whores, leaving her mother's home in New Jersey for the bus ride to Manhattan's sleazy Port Authority.

Sue Simmons, correcting the Post: "I haven't had an alcoholic drink between shows for at least 15 years or more." [Post]