Did Bernie Madoff fuck around and rip off often-shot rapper 50 Cent for millions? Yes, if you believe an anonymous snitch who talked to a website that 50 Cent hates!

MAD Magazine is about to put out its 500th issue. Fantastic! But starting in April, the mag is cutting down to only four issues per year. Nooooo! Reminisce on some of MAD's fine Obama-related work:

Oh boy, now that Caroline Kennedy will officially not be New York's senator, the real fun begins: time for Gov. David Paterson's people to trash her anonymously! He never liked that bitch anyhow, sources say:

Godlike Hudson Hero pilot Chesley Sullenberger canceled a Today show interview Monday, but promised to come back and give Matt Lauer the exclusive when he could talk. But he lied!

Cityfile today publishes a long post saying, essentially, that the ongoing rumor war between Anna Wintour and Conde Nast is the product of both sides using the media during tough contract negotiations. Let's look back:

Steve Jobs, currently on medical leave as Apple CEO, is not dead, but the major networks are acting as if he were. Producers from CBS and NBC are scheduling interviews for their Jobs obituaries.

In your Friday media column: Facebook is unholy, business is business, and Nicolas Sarkozy got you a present!:

Are you aware that reading the pop sociology of Malcolm Gladwell will turn you into a Certified Player (of women)? It's true! Real live pickup artist "The Don" reveals Gladwell's seductive lessons:

Just when you thought Pancake-themed political artist Dan Lacey couldn't top his Obama bear wrestling piece, witness this: Gawker Media overlord Nick Denton, with pancakes on his head. This is for sale to the public.

• Dark days at the Times: The newspaper's in "advanced discussions" to sell a "substantial portion" of its Renzo Piano-designed headquarters. [NYT]
• Disney is merging its ABC TV network with ABC Studios. [WSJ]
• WNET-Thirteen is cutting budgets and laying off staff. [NYO]
• In Style publisher Lynette Harrison Brubaker is leaving the company. [WWD]
• Katie Couric will go primetime next Wednesday. [NYT]
• The final inauguration ratings are in. [AdAge]
• Is Condé Nast just publishing the same story in its various magazines? [FB]
• The Tribune Co. has sold off the Cubs for $900 million. [Chicago Trib]

First Jacques Chirac was mauled by his Maltese. And this morning, Lester Holt was viciously bitten on the face by a bloodthirsty young Rottweiler. When will we fight back against the canine menace?

There's no War on Terror! John McCain is a maverick! Hooray: 2000 is back! September 11th never happened.

Hey, remember that college journalist who got in trouble last year for his bold, two-word editorial, "Fuck Bush?" Well that kid just got an honest-to-god scoop about a heinously corrupt (college) cop. Cussing indicates greatness!

The New York Times Co. is selling its building! The Tribune Co. is selling its baseball team! Anything else you would like to buy from a newspaper company? Just make them an offer!

Hero co-pilot of the Hudson Jeff Skiles, who was right there in the cockpit when Primary Hero Chesley Sullenberger landed that plane in the river, is finally breaking his silence! He's in the tank.

Thus far there are five major competing theories as to why Caroline Kennedy pulled out of the Senate race so suddenly and mysteriously. We list them, and give exact statistical odds, below:

Wow, the intoxication fatigue of the inauguration really wears reporters down to babbling idiots. Witness this wacky error reel from a single episode of Anderson Cooper's show yesterday! Amazing. Red Bull gives you wings, AC.

Well now, the "Why did Caroline Kennedy Drop Out?" parlor game grows ever more interesting! The latest reasons being floated: nanny issues, tax issues, and all the dang gossip on this very website:

What will the Obama years mean for Fox News? Plenty of MSNBC bashing; Rush Limbaugh martyrdom; and conservative think tank hacks complimenting conservative media hacks. This video compilation foreshadows four years of fairness and balance.

In your pleasant Thursday media column: Jay Mariotti is an asshole, Teens can't read, checks are bouncing, and more: