Lois Draegin was an editor at TV Guide before she got laid off—now she has an internship to help her build internet skills. That's admirable! But the internship's kind of awful. We should know!

Andrea Peyser is always on the sex tip, yall! The NYP attack columnist seems to lash out in print as a way to repress her natural urges for, say, some legs that just don't stop.

In his memo yesterday, Conde Nast CEO Chuck Townsend told the company's employees that "difficult decisions" are coming. How bad could Conde's 2009 really be? Catastrophic, potentially.

Will the bad news for America never cease? CNN has gone and canceled its highest-rated Daily Show ripoff incongruously hosted by a mediocre standup comedian, "D.L. Hughley Breaks the News."

Martha Stewart is mystified by "Notorious B.I.G.," and believes all black people know each other. Kathie Lee Gifford thinks Hoda Kotb was born in Africa. Welcome to post-racial American television!

Our friends at the Observer report that you can now pick up a copy of your favorite salmon-colored weekly at select Starbucks locations around town. The NYO website even has a handy little map that will show you which outposts are now stocking the paper. Yes, one of them appears to be floating in the Hudson River off 31st Street, but it's possible that Starbucks recently introduced a floating café and we weren't notified. Either way, enjoy! [NYO]

That upcoming book by the guys who invented the Bacon Explosion"? It won't even have the Bacon Explosion" recipe in it. That was the only consolation prize for killing literature forever, guys. [Pitch]

In your muddy Thursday media column: the grownup version of 'Jocks vs. School Newspaper Nerds,' a blogger passes away, everything is too sexy, and rumors of magazine troubles:

Why has the Gray Lady assigned full-time reporters to communities in Brooklyn and New Jersey? Even a Times editor admits the paper will never make money on microjournalism. But they could market software to bloggers.

Comedian D.L. Hughley was pummeled by critics when his weekend talk show debuted on CNN last fall. "What the hell was CNN thinking?" a columnist for AdAge asked after watching the first episode. It remains unclear what was running through the minds of CNN execs when they signed him up for the spectacularly unfunny program featuring painfully awkward interviews. But the network may have come to its senses or at least decided to cut its losses. A source tells us that CNN has decided to cancel the show due to "budgetary constraints." We haven't heard back yet from reps at CNN, although the move wouldn't be surprising given CNN's troubles as of late and the fact that HLN (the network you used to know as Headline News) is now "beating its older sibling CNN in the target 25-54 demo," according to Broadcasting & Cable. We'll let you know as soon as we hear more. Update: It's confirmed: Hughley is out. An official statement from CNN and more detail on his departure below.

Michael Wolff has a little critique of Barack Obama posted to Newser.com if you're interested. "A frenzy of confidence and desire"? "A desire to be loved"? "Greedy, grasping, wanting"? "A sense of sleaziness"? You'll have to excuse us: For a moment, we thought he was finally addressing this! He isn't, alas. And so the wait goes on. [Newser]

Sara Nelson recently got laid off as the editor of Publishers Weekly, so she's blogging about her "Reinvention." So far she's decided she does not want to be reinvented as Graydon Carter.

We heard a downright bizarre unconfirmed rumor that Hearst's flailing newspaper division is considering merging the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News into one operation. Bizarre, we say, for two reasons:

• HarperCollins is launching a new imprint which will focus on "pop culture, sports, style and content derived from the Internet." Clever! [NYT]
• Sony Pictures is cutting 300 employees, or 4% of its workforce. [LAT]
• YouTube and Universal are in talks to build a "hub" for music videos. [WSJ]
• Jon Stewart went to town on CNBC last night, in case you missed it. [Portfolio]
• For some reason, NBC has decided to bring back Heroes next season. [THR]
• In the first two months of this year, 7,453 jobs were lost at media companies. You know, just in case you're keeping track or whatever. [THR]

Those stories coming out about Obama's barber saying how Obama's hair is already turning grey? Total ripoff of hero president Bill Clinton's own first term PR strategy:

Permasmiley celebrity Columbia writing student James Franco is going to have a book of his short stories published by Scribner. This, strangely, is the least ridiculous book deal we've written about this week. [Fox]

Grandparents: they hate their grandkids nowadays! It's all detailed right there in a brand new breaking trend story from the New York Times, the Paper of Record. Nobody likes anybody any more!

Do you know what today is? It's the 20th anniversary of Time Warner. The massive merger that created the media behemoth happened on March 4, 1989. Time Warner was the future! And now?

A couple of barbecue fans concoct a recipe for a bacon-wrapped, bacon-stuffed log of sausage. The media writes about it. Now, they have a book deal. And that's when the idea of 'books' became ridiculous.

In your optimistic Wednesday media column: Alt-weeklies stabbed by the internet, a Rolling Stone buys a website, college reporters fight The Man and win, and a job available!