In your conspiratorial Thursday media column: The New Yorker hates Brazil, Laurel Touby bids you farewell, Pinch Sulzberger ups his humor quotient, and sexism exists.

It was inevitable that someone smarter than us would go ahead and open up a journalism school that teaches kids how to write for tabloids. But the Russians? We're ashamed of ourselves.

The Obama administration—of all administrations!—announces that it's mostly opposed to a federal shield law protecting reporters from being subpoenaed for their sources. After all the rhetorical cock-gobbling the media did for you, Obama. Quid Pro No? Shame. [NYT]

Well look at this! We were totally right — it happens sometimes — and conservatives are firing up their attacks on Kevin Jennings, the nation's gay "safe school czar." And they're using terms like "statutory rape." How timely!

• Who hasn't looked at buying BusinessWeek by now? Daily News and US News owner Mort Zuckerman appears to be the latest mogul to join the party. [BW]
• The wave of job cuts at Condé Nast could begin in a few weeks or in a few months, depending on who you ask. But either way, it's going to be ugly. [NYO]
• Fox News continues to trounce the competition: Both CNN and MSNBC experienced big declines in ratings during the third quarter. The situation appears to be especially bleak at CNBC, however. [B&C, HuffPo, ZH]
• Simon & Schuster is shaking things up at a couple of its imprints. [Crain's]
• The New York Times is planning to introduce a Chicago-centric edition of the paper. That's in addition to the San Fran edition launching this fall. [NYT]
• Related: Is the New York Times going to start charging readers to access its website? That's still unclear, but the answer should be coming soon. [NYO]
• "Print is undead," reports the undead print newspaper the Village Voice. [VV]

Yesterday, in furtherance of his indictment of Barack Obama as an Olympics-mongering gamewhore, Glenn Beck pointed out that the Olympics suck and Vancouver lost $1 billion when it hosted them. Next year.

In your maudlin Wednesday media column: rumors of Reader's Digest layoffs [Update: And RD's response], a guarantee of Conde Nast layoffs, and the debate over the newspaper industry is one-sided, to be honest.

Speaking of idiotic uproars over cartoons, at colleges: The guy who drew the Danish Muhammad cartoon that set off worldwide riots is coming to Yale—the provincial little school whose University Press allows religious psychos to dictate what it publishes.

Tar magazine was an experiment to answer the timeless question: If you put some celebrities' kids together with a bunch of random art world names, will you make a super successful magazine? No, you won't. Live and learn.

Heir to the New York Times throne A "To the Muthafuckin G" Sulzberger, The Younger, has been sent out into a virtual urban war zone! People are being shot (with BBs) all over Alphabet City. To the projects, AG!

Today is the annual "State of the Times" meeting for NYT employees. Send us details.

It's all over but the cryin' for Dan Rather. A New York appellate court today tossed out his lawsuit against CBS News for breach of contract and fraud. So there's really no reason to pay attention to him anymore.

• It's all over for Dan Rather and his long-running legal campaign against CBS. A state appeals court dismissed the ex-anchor's lawsuit today. [Reuters, NYP]
• At least four parties are still in the bidding for BusinessWeek. But Bloomberg LP remains the most likely acquirer of the struggling magazine. [BW, Reuters]
• An "unbelievably conscientious" Sarah Palin has finishing her memoir in less than four months. You can not buy the book beginning on November 17. [WP]
• Michelle Obama will appear as guest on Sesame Street's season debut. [NYT]
• TLC announced today it's dropping Jon Gosselin from Jon & Kate Plus 8. This news calls out for name change, obvs, so it'll be Kate Plus 8 from now on. [THR]

In your trailblazing Tuesday media column: Byron Pitts overcomes hardships, chuckle as a newspaper editor talks trash, Ebony's bound to sell, and The Daily Beast is publishing books, fast!

"Those rewrite men—some of them were so drunk!" So begins Gay Talese's entertaining reminiscence on just how drunk the New York Times was, in his day. Mad Men? "Hell. The drinking that went on in journalism was beyond that."

Is Kanye West considering rehab? Would Michael appreciate Janet's mournful gesture? Should we all just forget Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic ways? So many questions! Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup....

Remember how Serena Williams went crazy and threatened to make a line judge choke on her balls and everyone was outraged by this American idol's unladylike behavior? Well, none of that matters to Tampax, which considers Williams a menstruating hero.

Think you have it bad? Check out these 10 comic book disasters. Infinite Earths, man!

• Is Time Warner planning to shed its Time Inc. magazine division? [Crain's]
• Condé Nast is hunkering down for a big round of budget cuts, as you've probably heard. One Condé title that happens to be doing quite well: Vanity Fair's Italian edition, which having its best year ever, apparently.
• Saturday Night Live's Jenny Slate won't be punished for cursing on the air. But it's looking like Darrell Hammond may have been dropped from the show.
• Tina Brown's Daily Beast is planning to get into book publishing. [NYT]
• Former Times film critic (and Turner Classic Movies host) Elvis Mitchell is in financial trouble again: He reportedly owes $500,000 in back taxes. [P6]
• How much the cast of The Hills makes might make you nauseous. [TDB]
• Can Twitter ever earn enough in advertising revenue to justify its recent valuation of $1 billion? It's highly unlikely, say some observers. [AdAge]
• Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs was No. 1 again this weekend. [LAT]

In your wispy Monday media column: the New York Times performs unnecessary duties, Wesleyan spends unnecessary money, a hockey team gets a pet reporter, and people like to read about gangsters.