In your cheery Wednesday media column: our nemesis Martha Stewart's magazine implicated in decoration-for-prestige scheme, iTunes for magazines is coming, your weekly layoff roundup, and the Search Engine Media Wars heat up.

In your trepidatious Tuesday media column: we hear the Time Inc. layoffs hit Fortune (and others?) today, BusinessWeek speaks robot language, Dave Eggers will not stop saving print, and a horrible massacre of journalists in the Philippines.

In your merciful Monday media column: Carl Kasell gets to sleep in now, more rumored AP layoffs, crazy "old media" types eschew pointless media beef, and Verlyn Klinkenborg defended like a doe, a deer, a female deer, shut up, Verlyn.

In your ferocious Friday media column: Newspaper wars in Germany are of another breed, another high school paper censored for dumb reasons, more on the BusinessWeek layoffs, and George Stephanopoulos' fluff chops questioned.

In your foreboding Thursday media column: Rumors of veterans departing their jobs far and wide, Anthony Kennedy's story weakens, newspapers and magazines lose huge money, and Jon Fine's media gig disappears.

In your wistful Wednesday media column: Fox News anchor moves up in the world, layoffs loom at Time Inc. and BusinessWeek, people still say they read newspapers, and Pat Kiernan has a contest, for you.

In your well-regarded Tuesday media column: A Washington Times editor reaches his breaking point, the NY Daily News makes a bizarre investment, Lou Dobbs has a terrifying new career option, and magazines are now pointless.

In our meritorious Monday media column: Judd Apatow questions Ken Auletta's wit, a reporter tries to pretend he is not a vicious murderer, Americans are cheap bastards when it comes to news, and all you need to know about Playboy.

In your flippant Friday media column: everyone's very excited about Time's "Person of the Year," as always, Playboy may be sold, fashion magazines stay positive, and CNN decides to waste less money.

In your misogynist Thursday media column: a college man uses journalism to ensure every woman on campus hates him, the Hartford Courant is counterproductive, Stephen A. Smith is BACK, and Katie Couric makes a listicle.

In your woebegone Wednesday media column: Hearst gets money, layoffs at Current TV, Conde Nast gets internet religion, and Sesame Street characters are the swing votes in Fox News' war for righteousness.

In your typical Tuesday media column: Americans are zombie slaves to various screens, journalists will compromise for money like everyone else in the world, Indymedia tells the Justice Department to fuck off, and your comically mean reporter of the day.

In your meritocratic Monday media column: Reporters suffer injustices unseen since Pol Pot's darkest days, The Week guarantees goodness, Esquire has a gizmo thingamajig that will save magazines, and Conde Nast gives up on America, finally.

In your thumping Thursday media column: Glenn Beck does not die on the operating table, more rumor-details on the Essence layoffs, Fortune and SI get hacked, and a dying newspaper goes glossy, for unknown reasons.

In your completely laid-off Wednesday media column: details on more Time Inc. layoffs and buyouts at People and Essence, Fortune Small Business folds, and various ways that magazine publishers are terrorists.

In your alluring Tuesday media column: An emerging catalogue of WaPo Styles fuckery, Russia has this whole "journalism" thing nailed, nothing about The Onion is funny except the actual words, and "Twenty ten" means you're gay.

In your malicious Monday media column: the Detroit newspaper situation grows more depressing, Mika Brzezinski is one honest lady, Denver Post sportswriters have no opinion on these "sports," and Howard Kurtz is still the King of Boring Conventional Wisdom.

In your finally Friday media column: BBC execs must struggle by on $150k, Michael Wolff looks in the mirror and compliments himself, rumors of office closures at Newsweek, and more on the Time Inc. layoffs.

In your thinly-spread Thursday media column: A vicious backbiting war amongst Birmingham's press corps, David Remnick still has money to spend, Germany looks to screw bloggers, and Bernie Kerik: Journalistic Hero.

In your spirited Wednesday media column: George Stephanopoulos should listen to his kids, Conde Nast forswears frequency cuts, France has a wacky newspaper scheme, and we have the menu for GQ's dinner tonight.