Us magazine taketh away celebrity love, but it also giveth. Not 24 hours after news that Matt Damon and fianc e Luciana Barroso were with child, comes yet another Us exclusive: the couple was wed in a quickie marriage at New York City Hall.

What with all the engagement-breaking and marriage-ending news over the last few weeks, America was starting to doubt whether Hollywood would ever love again. But according to the folks at Us Weekly — and bless those scoopy little scamps — Hollywood's heart will, in fact, go on.

· Tragically, Matt Damon's baby will eventually be subjected to endless playground ridicule for being born only half-famous. Is there a special school for that? There should be.
· A white hat, a black hat, a young man, an old man...a showdown at the OK Baggage claim.
· Why are we killing ourselves trying to sell t-shirts when we could be making so much more money in another line of business?
· Say what you will about Kanye West, but the man has no problem with low self-esteem.

· Who knew that Garrison Keillor was such a big bully? Representatives for his Prarie Home Companion empire have gone all cease-and-desist on the MNspeak blog over a parody t-shirt.
· Fun With Plea-Bargaining: The guy who threatened to kidnap Letterman's baby and nanny gets 10 years in jail—but for embezzlement, obstruction, and illegally possessing wildlife, not attempted kidnapping.
· "Rampant cocaine use" and "vague intimations of 'debaucheries'" make local visual effects houses sounds like more fun than a key party in the Hills.
· Dave Chappelle finds returning to stand-up much less terrifying than another season of Chappelle's Show.
· Always about three times less controversial than onetime Siamese twin Ben Affleck, Matt Damon quietly gets engaged to his noncelebrity girlfriend of two years.
· If you liked Stuff On My Cat, then you'll love Cats in Sinks.

· Matt Damon on being the "poor man's Johnny Depp" (fifth item): "I stared at him harder, and Terry [Gilliam] finally admitted: 'Matt, you're my second choice.''"
· Three months from now, everybody in Echo Park will be fucking on mattresses left on the sidewalk.
· This might look like a mistake, but if you click on the link below Regis Philbin's photo, you can discover the tenuous link between the hyperactive host and dinosaurs.
· We're sorry, Ray, but it seems that someone would like to respectfully disagree with the assertion that you are universally adored.

· Sundance director Geoffrey Gilmore complains about an entertainment industry first: They have too much quality in this year's festival! They may be forced to burn several "must see" entries for warmth on the streets of Park City or go insane from their embarrassment of cinematic riches. [THR]
· Matt Damon, determined to typecast himself as Hollywood's greatest superspy, eyes the lead role vacated by Leonardo DiCaprio in the Robert DeNiro directed The Good Shepherd. [THR]
· Harold Ramis and Owen Wilson team up to write and produce an untitled "historical comedy" for Sony. We knew there was still room for another reworking of the Alexander story. [Variety, sub. req'd.]
· Pamela Anderson is attached to star in a Steve Levitan pilot about a woman with a weakness for bad boys. Also, she has huge, fake tits and is battling hepatitis-C. At least Levitan seems to know what he's doing: "[P]eople sense that deep down, beneath the sexy image, there is a grounded and likable person who they occasionally get to see naked." [Variety]
· Kinsey and Sideways grab nominations for IFP Independent Spirit Awards, which everyone will forget about when they're nominated for Oscars. [Variety]

Film maker Peter Sollett on why the Lower East Side is rarely depicted in film "unless it's a shot of Matt Damon walking through": because people on the Lower East Side are ugly. Okay, so he didn't say that exactly. He said, "Because the people who live in this neighbourhood don't look like the kind of people who draw mass numbers of audiences to theatres on opening weekend." Same thing, no? [Somewhere on the Lower East Side, LES evangelist Lockhart Steele is silently screaming "Nooooooo! It's because they're too hiiiiiiiip!"]
Circus Vargas: Interview with Peter Sollett [via Lockhart Steele]