On last night's Whatever, Martha!, Martha Stewart got all hot and bothered watching Bryant Gumbel and herself prepare a turkey. Watching Martha watch Martha seems insanely meta, but how else would you find out she gets off on spice rubs?

Derek Jeter: planning on sexing Minka Kelly in all 62 rooms of St. Jetersburg. Sandra Bullock's new look: chola. Anna Wintour: apartment shopping for spawn. Diddy and Jay-Z: alone with caviar? Alec Baldwin: apocalyptic. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

In your cheery Wednesday media column: our nemesis Martha Stewart's magazine implicated in decoration-for-prestige scheme, iTunes for magazines is coming, your weekly layoff roundup, and the Search Engine Media Wars heat up.

• Is disgraced publicist Ali Wise the latest addition to the cast of Tinsley Mortimer's upcoming reality show? Possibly! Wise apparently wants people to know "she's still out on the scene and doing fine" and taped an appearance at the opening of pal Stacey Bendet's new store last week. And she's expected to turn up in other episodes of the show. Let's just hope that Wise—who allegedly stalked women her ex dated—and the Tinz don't clash over any German princes or former American Idol contestants, or things could get ugly. [NYDN]
• In case you were worried that Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds were going through a rough patch, you can stop stressing. They celebrated her birthday at a club in the meatpacking district over the weekend and reportedly "looked very much in love all night." [P6]
• Penelope Cruise still hasn't confirmed whether or not she's engaged to Javier Bardem, but she's been shopping for a wedding dress recently, at least according to In Touch magazine's "sources." [In Touch via NYDN]
• Agyness Deyn's super-short hair is her signature, but it has its downsides, too, it seems. A woman propositioned the Brit model at a party the other night. Deyn "politely turned her down." [P6]

• A list of restaurants that just opened or are opening shortly. [Eater, TONY]
• A peek around the East Side Social Club, which opens tonight. [TONY]
• Brunch is getting a boost thanks to the sour economy, apparently. [Time]
• The In-N-Out knockoff that opened last week is no In-N-Out, clearly. [AHT]
• If you're an alcoholic in search of a Thanksgiving meal, look no further. [NYP]
• Martha Stewart says she has no beef with Rachael Ray. Phew! [EMD]

The Martha Stewart-Rachael Ray feud is amazing on paper: two head-strong domestic divas (one with a rap sheet) going at it in the press. It could have been as juicy as the Tropicana warehouse. Now it's ended with a whimper.

Evil Twin-spawning Sarah Palin isn't catching any easy breaks lately. Should she? Better ask her fans who, oh wait, are now booing her. And when Martha Stewart calls you out, damn, you know you've set some kind of bar.

• Mariah Carey must be determined to earn back the title of "world's most demanding diva." For an appearance at a London shopping shopping center to kick off the holiday season, she asked for 20 white kittens, 100 white doves, and confetti shaped like butterflies. She also requested a Rolls-Royce, pink carpet, pink podium, and a security staff of 80 to protect her entourage of 15. Then again all she asked for in her dressing room were a few bottles of water, so it isn't as if she's totally out of control, is it? [NYDN, DM]
• Jude Law made the unfortunate decision to move into a building next to an NYU dorm and he hasn't been too happy about the students who invariably look down on him as he plays with his kids or works out with his trainer. When Law recently noticed students waving at him from across the way, he responded by pelting their windows with oranges. That'll do it! [NYP]
• Madonna is still saving the world. But she isn't taking any chances while she does it, clearly. She insisted on wearing a bullet-proof vest under her jacket while touring a "lawless" Rio de Janeiro favela recently. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan's gig at Emanuel Ungaro may be coming to an end soon. The company's chairman reportedly wants her out since he, like the rest of the world, wasn't impressed with the "cheesy and dated" outfits she debuted at Paris Fashion Week, and many stores are refusing to carry the line. Ungaro CEO Mounir Moufarrige wants to keep her, though, to save face. [P6]

• Down-and-out former pageant queen Carrie Prejean must be getting really desperate: She's turning to Donald Trump for career advice. Trump suggested she "become a major porn star," make tons of cash and then "give it to worthy causes." Clearly, it's this type of forward thinking that has made Trump the business titan he is. [P6]
• Nic Cage's lawyer now says the countersuit by the actor's former business manager—Samuel Levin claims he warned Cage about his "compulsive, self-destructive spending" years ago—is "ridiculous." As for Cage himself, he's in Somalia right now facing down evil pirates since he's under the impression that his life is one big action movie, but says he'll sort everything out once he gets back to the States. [P6]
• Lou Dobbs is taking a vacation now that he's no longer with CNN. Mexico is not on his travel itinerary, in case you were wondering. [NYP]
• Larry King's 10-year-old son is the luckiest boy in all of Los Angeles today: He's been signed to host his own cable TV show. Ain't nepotism grand? [TMZ]
• Amy Winehouse's dad says his daughter's new breast implants are leaking, which is why she's been in the hospital recently. But presumably that's to be expected if you poke yourself with needles all day, no? [Sun]

[Martha Stewart deals with Tina Brown's tantrum when she tries to drag the editor into the kitchen to make some rum balls at the Martha Stewart Center for Living at Mount Sinai Medical Center Gala last night. Image via Getty]

• Jessica Simpson and Gerard Butler went to Soho House on a date on Tuesday night. Then again, the duo had to be "chaperoned" by friends including Simpson's BFF/hair stylist Ken Paves, which hardly sounds very romantic, does it? [P6]
• It may be over for the most famous lesbian couple in America, Rosie O'Donnell and Kelli Carpenter. Rosie acknowledges the two are having "issues" and says they're trying to work things out. But Carpenter may have already moved out of the home they share in Nyack, which probably isn't a good sign. [People]
• Jill Zarin has no manners. When the "Real Housewife" appeared at the opening of "Memphis" on Broadway the other night, she arrived 30 minutes late and with an entourage in tow and disrupted audience members when they moved into their seats. Then she blabbed for 15 minutes during the show. [P6]

Martha tries to spruce up Jay's ratings, Ed Norton joins Jimmy Kimmell, while most other hosts take the week off. What a bunch of deadbeats! We've got your rundown of what to watch tonight.

The internet campaign started at Twacy.org to get 30 Rock funnyman Morgan to open a Twitter account may just be an innovative way to market a website that looks like Gawker Stalker, but that doesn't mean it's any less brilliant.

Heavens knows what they would think if Stewart just transmitted their intimate off-camera comments to the entire world. The likes of Snoop Dogg might not trust her with their deepest secrets anymore. No, better to keep the Martha Stewart Twitter an occult bible of hellish fire pits opening on the surface of the Earth. Douglas can keep hawking TwitterWit, his printed collection of amusing tweets; Stewart seems more likely to buy — or publish — something along the lines of TwitterWoe.

Martha Stewart is inviting bloggers with iPhones and laptops into her studio audience. If it's an odd move for the notorious control freak, it's also a recipe for free publicity — and awful television.

Martha Stewart decided the co-founder of Twitter was a woman, Ralph Macchio decided his fans are probably insane and Cody Brown decided to just start publicly eating four pounds of ice cream. The Twitterati weren't so neighborly with their neighbors.

• Gossip Girl's Kelly Rutherford got a temporary restraining order against her ex-husband, Daniel Giersch, saying that he harassed both her and her nanny, which, to add insult to injury, caused her nanny to quit. [TMZ, People]
• Randy Quaid, the actor who played Cousin Eddie in the National Lampoon's Vacation movies, may be more like his character than anyone thought. He was arrested near the Mexico border with his wife on charges that he bolted on a $10,000 hotel bill. The two have already posted bail, but not before hamming it up for their mug shots and scribbling a handwritten note to TMZ. Clark W. Griswold would be proud. [AP, TMZ, P6]
• She's been married to Keith Urban since June 2006, but Nicole Kidman is still known as "the lady who used to be married to Tom Cruise" by at least two Starbucks baristas, and she's not happy about it. [P6]

Justin Timberlake dispensed a lesson in celebrity (retarded) physics, Martha Stewart demonstrated how not to hide your Twitter ghostwriter and Ana Marie Cox is walking around in a haze and think about a 12-step program. The Twitterati bumbled.

• 30 Rock and Mad Men took home Emmys last night for outstanding comedy series and outstanding drama series, respectively. (Surprise, surprise.) Alec Baldwin won for outstanding actor in a comedy series; Breaking Bad's Bryan Cranston won for outstanding actor in a drama series; Glenn Close won for best actress in a drama series for Damages; and The United States of Tara's Toni Collette took home the award for best actress in a comedy series. Other winners included Lost's Michael Emerson, 24's Cherry Jones, Grey Gardens' Jessica Lange, Pushing Daisies' Kristin Chenoweth, and Two and a Half Men's Jon Cryer. The catchphrase of the night was "pulling a Kanye," naturally. [People, Us]
• Mischa Barton just isn't a morning person... or perhaps she's having dental issues again. A source from her CW show, The Beautiful Life, says she's often so out of it in the mornings that she holds up filming, and she'll stare into her coffee for minutes on end, mumbling, "Who will fix my coffee? I need someone to fix my coffee." [P6]
• Courtney Love lost it when a bathroom intruder caught her with her pants down at the T magazine party at the Standard the other night. Love supposedly screamed that the man had attacked her and tried to have him ejected. "I never wanted to see Courtney Love on the toilet," says the unlucky guy. "It wasn't a pretty sight. I just wanted to get out of there." [P6]

Courtney Love may or may not have been spotted peeing. Mischa Barton may or may not live in reality. And David Hasselhoff definitely got drunk. Welcome to your Monday morning Gossip Roundup!