If our tenure on Earth is anything to judge by, humans are not very good planetary tenants. Now, with a (nearly) clean slate on Mars, the National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) is already trying to prevent us from destroying a second planet.

We’re pretty close to destroying the Earth, but good news! We might soon have the chance to transform another planet into “an immense pile of filth” — NASA announced today that it has discovered evidence of liquid water, the kind that could potentially support human life, on Mars.

You like to travel? Here's an idea. Why not travel—to Mars? Bad idea!

Sure, the planned civilian mission to Mars is wildly unrealistic, and if it even if we got there everyone would probably starve, but it's still fun to think about. That's especially true when it comes to deciding what 100 people should be banished to space, never to return, as Mars One did today.

The civilian mission to Mars, which will likely never happen in a million bajillion years, has received its fair share of mixed press. Most recently, The Guardian interviewed three potential candidates for the mission in a self-serious documentary gut-wrenchingly titled "If I die on Mars," in which an unnamed interviewer asks the most devastating question of all: You guys gonna be mad that you can't fuck anymore?

Louis C.K. has a feeling he's discovered "the origin of the basic despair that we all feel in the pit of our being, that one thing we all share." And it's not, as he previously posited, the knowledge that each of us will be forever empty and alone. It's that Earth is a Martian graveyard, and we're all "seeded by marsian corpse DNA."

India has nailed its first foray into interplanetary travel. Wednesday morning local time, scientists announced that their Mangalyaan – Hindi for "Mars Craft" – had entered Mars orbit after completing the 400-million-mile arc to Mars it began last November. It will now set about collecting imagery and data that might shed light on the still mysterious red planet.

NASA completed a $150 million experiment on Saturday to test new technology that will bring spacecraft, and eventually astronauts, to Mars. Though the parachute got tangled on the way down, the experiment was declared a success.

When a man looks at his wife and four (!) children, what he really sees is the black iron prison surrounding him. How does he break out? In the case of Utah dad Ken Sullivan, the answer is the same red planet that has inspired humanity throughout history. Mars!

Mars One, the Dutch company that is looking for a few individuals with the "right stuff" (the "right stuff" being wanting to leave Earth and never, ever return), reports that more than 78,000 people have applied to be chosen for a trip to the red planet.

Ah, kids. They're born, they do some cute stuff and then they become obnoxious teenagers.

Another week, another eccentric millionaire making promises to colonize Mars. This time, it's Dutchman Bas Lansdorp, whose Mars One project is looking to put teams of astronauts on the Red (well, not actually red) Planet by 2023. He's looking for applicants right now, no experience necessary. Just one catch, though.

Possibly not coincidental with the recent resurgence of David Bowie's musical stylings, scientists have discovered a possibility of life on Mars. OH WOW WHAT DID THE ALIENS LOOK LIKE AND DID THEY HAVE LITTLE SHELTERS AND WERE THERE COOL PLANTS?

Lawyers for candymaker Mars Inc. shot off an urgent letter to a Scottish bar attempting to secure Protected Food status for its deep-fried rendition of the company's namesake candy bar, saying the decision to deep fry Mars renders the candy's health benefits null and void.

Here is an incredible new video of the Mars Curiosity Rover's descent, so clear it's like you're bearing down on Mars yourself. The video is comprised of hundreds of high-definition still images beamed back by the Mars Descent Imager (MARDI) and stitched together to form a video. It seems almost too good to be true, except you can check out the original raw images here.

Here's the first color photo from Curiosity, the two-billion dollar NASA robot that landed on Mars yesterday. What a crock of shit. This is the first color photo of Mars we're getting? An Instagram of a mountain? Is Curiosity taking photos with a RAZR? This is the worst photo I've ever seen. Fire everyone at NASA. [NASA]

For years, the only thing keeping Earth from jettisoning all of its vegan inhabitants into outer space has been vegans' persistent whine, "I can't go there. They don't have anything vegan."

Newt Gingrich was campaigning on Florida's Space Coast today when he decided, fuck it, I'm pandering: "By the end of my second term we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American." Sure, why not. What about Mars? "Gingrich also said he would push to develop propulsion technology that would get man to Mars." He would merely "develop" the project. Such a cop-out.

The journal Astrobiology has published a paper by some Australian National University scientists who assert that "large regions" of Mars could support "Earth-like microbes." That's us! We'll just have to live below the planet's surface so we don't freeze to death or dehydrate.

Right now, several miles above the surface of the earth, a huge wheeled robot is on its way to Mars, where, armed with "rock-zapping laser," it will seek out evidence of ancient extraterrestrial life.