Do you know what defines what it means to "be true?" That's right, Nike Dunks! Not only that, but that particular shoe "HAS BECOME AN ICON OF self-expression and a symbol of DEMOCRATIC STYLE." The Revolution is Basketball! Freedom is slavery! It's a Brave New World! Nike Dunks were introduced in 1985—if it had been 1984, people might be inclined to make jokes about its dystopian advertising rhetoric. Below, a full look at the amazingly dramatic prose on a flier promoting what is just a Nike-sponsored photography show, "in the spirit of the shoe that inspires those who dare to be different." [Hypebeast]. I'd hate to see them if they really get worked up.

Here's a good look at Liberty Mutual's feast of responsibility: the simplistic blog post on ResponsibilityProject.com that the company was seeking to promote by buying up deceased ad executive Paul Tilley's name in Google Adwords. "When a 40-year-old Chicago advertising executive named Paul Tilley died recently, the cause of death was officially ruled suicide," the post says. "But some believe that Tilley was metaphorically pushed by a steady stream of malicious comments anonymously posted about him online in the weeks before he took his life." Well, the investigators got it all wrong, then! We also notice that they've bought the word "responsibility." And after the jump, you can watch one of the site's responsibility-promoting films: "A man is just another passenger on a bus until he comes face to face with a thief. And a choice." So he chose to steal a dead guy's name to sell insurance, right? Surprisingly, no!

There was a ton of debate about the death of Paul Tilley, the ad agency exec who committed suicide last month. Some people charged mean bloggers with helping to push him over the edge—charges that seemed increasingly ridiculous, as people took time to consider the full situation. But Liberty Mutual, the huge insurance company, had another thought about Tilley's death: what a great way to promote our company! And that's exactly what they did, the sickos.

In an episode that was simultaneously poignant, noble, and hilariously out of touch, old New York Times reporter David Dunlap—who is always on the lookout for "illegal marketing campaigns"— says he "sensed a story on the evening of the 14th, when I came across two or three young men stapling posters for a new hip-hop album to lampposts." He started taking pictures of them, and they asked him what he was doing. He replied that what they were doing was illegal; then a guy attacked him and smashed his camera [City Room via FishbowlNY]! Dunlap got pushed down and roughed up, but is unharmed. And he refuses to press charges, because he's so grateful that they didn't stomp him out or rob him at the same time!

Vice Magazine, which was ironically abandoned by its target audience of dirty trendsetters at the exact moment it became popular, has finally discovered how to sell out IN SECRET. The new issue has an ad for BMW superimposed on the freaking cover itself—but it doesn't appear until you turn out the lights! As long as you don't read it in the dark, nobody will know you are bought and owned by corporations just like everything else in this rotten country, dude. This is a brilliant idea that may save the American print media and destroy the editorial/ advertising divide as we know it, and that's really all we have to say about that. [Media In Canada]

How come I can't get past the sneaky feeling that Common is a tool? The feel-good, conscious-style Chicago rapper makes truly fresh music, he reps causes like animal rights, and he's an Obama supporter. He's even speaking out with a message of love to defend Obama's controversial pastor Jeremiah Wright [BV Buzz]! I can get with that. So what's the problem? Oh! I know what it is. He rhymed in a fucking GAP ad. Then there was that fucking Lincoln Navigator ad. And the fucking Smirnoff ads. And now he's going to be a gunslinging tough guy in a fucking Keanu Reeves movie? Yes, I think I've put my finger on it. I never really liked his stupid outfits either, honestly. But then again, I'm a hater. Trailer for Street Kings—with Common blasting away like a tool—after the jump.

Remember that whole "Campaign For Real Beauty" by Dove that was all about showing that real, non-model women can be pretty too? Well, they're moving on from all that. They have a new, more fitting face now: beautiful, famous, shapely singer Alicia Keys. Screw you, real women! Dove is sponsoring a new "micro-series" called "Fresh Takes" starring Keys. It will air, appropriately, during The Hills on MTV. They've also used research to uncover this critical fact: "96 percent of women in their twenties say their inner voice speaks to them on a typical day." Psychosis? From the looks of the preview, this show will be stilted and terrible; the trailer, after the jump.

Here's a feature about how this poster for American Teen, a documentary about five Indiana high school kids, "isn't just just clever marketing." The image is a cute homage to John Hughes' perennial favorite The Breakfast Club, and American Teen "examines a brain, a beauty, a jock, a rebel and a recluse, but then delves deeper, revealing these real kids to be far more than superficial stereotypes." But the part that I care about is that it's been done before.

Highly paid creative advertising experts have come up with an idea for an ad that is sure to knock your funny bone right out of joint: the Eliot Spitzer scandal! Remember that mess with the governor, and the hooker? Now it's fodder for ads! These people are quick, you have to give them that! Politico got hold of the following casting call for a new hotel commercial; what do you get when a Caucasian man, a Caucasian woman, an African-American male, and a British guy walk into a hotel? Hilarity!:

Sometimes subtle innuendo is called for in advertising; and if they can't master the "subtle" part, it just gets too weird to watch. Like this (Spanish, subtitled) ad for milk. There's a witch, see, that comes to town once a month, if you get our drift. The witch is like, a woman acting pissy once a month, see what we're saying? Okay. But then she drinks milk and her witchery is cured, because milk cures PMS. Could have used quite a bit more subtlety. Also, milk cures PMS, really? Click the clip to watch the crazy calcium claims. [via AdScam]

It's bad enough that we have to be subjected to the ordeal of companies using our dead heroes to endorse their brands. Now, the real marketing coup is securing an actual (live) world leader to wear your luxury shit for free. French president Nikolas Sarkozy has a Rolex and aviator shades. Puppet Russian president Dmitry Medvedev flaunted his collection of Franck Muller watches in a magazine spread. Socialista Venezuelan populist Hugo Chavez likes designer clothes and jewelry. Even George-freaking-Dubya goes to a special Texas cobbler for his precious "cowboy" boots [Guardian via Agenda Inc.]. Christ, next thing you know world leaders will be turning into luxury pitchmen to finance their cushy retirements! Oh yea, that already happened.

Converse already went ahead and co-opted the image of sacred counterculture icons like Hunter Thompson and Sid Vicious for their new ad campaign, "All Your Dead Heroes Are Our Marketing Tools." Now they've decided to go for the gusto: they're producing a limited edition series of Kurt Cobain Converse. It's all approved by the estate of the tragic Nirvana front man—i.e. Courtney Love—but um, really? "I feel stupid, and contagious," indeed. Pics of the lyrics-encrusted shoes [via Ad Age/ The Daily Swarm] after the jump.

People don't buy cars to get them from point A to point B. People buy cars for a feeling, dammit! And this car ad inspires some serious feelings: existential torment, lost love, special moments, sheer beauty. It's one of most visually evocative ads we've seen in a long time; a powerful composition. But then you see it's for Ford Fusion, and you're like, "WTF? Isn't that car a piece of crap?" Then you see the tagline at the end and you're like, "Ha, I don't think so." Then you're like, "SO WHAT DID HE SAY TO THE GIRL, YOU BASTARDS?" So, yes, very evocative. The full ad [via Adrants] after the jump.

Here is what we are almost positive is a ridiculous jokey parody of an ad agency that's been floating around the web, although you never know in these crazy times of foam-filled Miami streets and hypnotizing games for children. The brilliant idea—which will surely become reality in only a matter of time—is political product placement in phone sex scripts [Sunday/Knight Productions]. In the purported audition video below, they subtly sell Hillary Clinton's candidacy with profanity, racial insensitivity, and the slogan, "Experience C(o)unts!" Seeing is agreeing:

"For some children, watching "Dora the Explorer" on television is becoming passé. Now, they want to be Dora." Mother. Fuckers. They want to be Dora because multinational corporations are pouring millions into online games that masquerade as harmless diversions while actually indoctrinating children into brand worship! Nickelodeon is spending $100 million to draw in the children of the world with shiny games. Entertainment, retailers, junk food, and other huge business sectors are all using these games to lure kids into influencing purchasing decisions—some games are even designed for kids "on the laps of their moms." It's truly one of the most insidious forms of... hey, "Reese's Puffs Cereal Snowboard Slalom?" Sweet. [NYT]

When Virgin Mobile in Canada put out an ad with a Spitzer Sex Scandal theme just a day after the story broke, it was impressive. But any further Spitzer-themed ads that came to our attention after that just seemed derivative. Unless they managed to get themselves rejected by major media outlets for bad taste! Then, that would be a story. It's a strange situation when the marketing of an advertisement is far more clever than the ad itself, but that's what happened in the case of this ad from Scotch whisky brand The Balvenie. And here's why we're telling you this weird story at all:

Cisco Systems is the main sponsor for the History Channel show "Modern Marvels," but being the main sponsor wasn't enough. Now, Cisco is actually having themselves magically inserted into old episodes of the show, with just a little bit of new footage and some re-editing. The result is a three-minute "mini-documentary" in which Cisco execs talk about the show's topic, which will be "seamlessly woven in" to the show's commercial breaks. Um, scary! Next thing we know, the Gorton's Fisherman will be rescuing Gilligan on Nick At Nite. Could this ultimately lead to our dead heroes having their memories dredged up just to sell useless dreck? Oh, too late. [TVWeek, History.com]

A brilliant way to get reporters' attention: Invite them to a strip club. On assignment, of course! Unlikely crunk crossover rap group Three Six Mafia is promoting its new single with a "Strip Club Tour," and the media is encouraged to attend. "Please reply to this email by 3PM today (3/12/08) if your site has correspondents in the following markets and you would like to cover them at the strip club," says the pitch. Reporters across the South and Midwest are stumbling over each other to find the relevant angle on this one. On a professional level. After the jump, a full tour schedule, and a video of 3-6-M's new single "I'd Rather" Set to a montage of Eliot Spitzer photos. This may prove to be the most successful music marketing strategy of all time.

A distressing new survey reveals that last month's Day Without A Starbucks—when the friendly coffee conglomerate closed for three hours in a gaudy PR stunt that placed the Olsen Twins in mortal peril—was a failure. While three quarters of all consumers knew that the closing happened, not even half knew why the closing took place [Ad Age]. Do you?

MasterCard has just released a new credit card for the good people of Dubai—the good, rich, rich, rich people. The Dubai First Royale MasterCard is invitation-only, offered to a "select" group of elites who "must possess the right criteria in terms of social standing and profile." And are very rich. The card itself is diamond-studded—practical and functional. It offers benefits like a huge credit line and a personal concierge. Neither you nor we shall ever have one of these. Sob. Below, a guide to other deluxe credit cards neither of us will ever be invited to own; press your nose to the glass and salivate at the pretty, pretty plastic.