marketing

Could Fewer McDonald's Ads Make Kids Eat Less McDonald's?

Hamilton Nolan · 11/20/08 12:31PM

This past summer, the Evil Food Conglomerates of America agreed to "limit" advertising that "targeted children," though their definition of that is loose enough to keep selling a lot of Pop-Tarts to 13-year-olds. They did this to try to preclude some kind of rule that would outlaw their advertising to children altogether. Unfortunately for the Hamburglar, a new study is out that has people actually talking about banning youth-targeted fast food ads, which would really be an incredible thing. "No fatties," the study proclaims:

Jocks Cede Role Model Status To Nerds

Hamilton Nolan · 11/19/08 09:53AM

Remember in the olden days when pro athletes and Olympians would grace our soft drink ads, urging us to guzzle the nutritionally barren sugar water in order to be a champion like them, cognitive dissonance be damned? Yea, if you listen to athletes now, you are old and laughable. The new (and far more appropriate!) face of Dr. Pepper is a 21-year-old kid who makes a quarter of a million bucks playing video games. Why I never! Lazy kids nowadays! There is simply no way not to sound like some parody of Dave Barry making "these kids!" jokes while writing about this development. But what you need to know is that if you have skills with a Wii controller, you better watch out for the geek paparazzi:

The Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy

Hamilton Nolan · 11/18/08 04:58PM

We've been hard on Common, the "conscious" Chicago rapper who spends an inordinate amount of time making ads for damn near everybody and then coming up with weird justifications for how he's still keeping it real. Now his new TV ad for Zune, the off-brand iPod that Common called "a representation of me," is out. And he's pulled godfather of the beat Afrika Bambaataa into the advertising web along with him! This, along with The Roots signing on as Jimmy Fallon's house band, is pounding my capability for sincere outrage into a sense of zombie-like acceptance. Watch the full ad below and surrender:
Click to view
Find more videos like this on AdGabber
[via Adrants; pic via]

Pizza Ordering No Longer Strenuous

Hamilton Nolan · 11/18/08 01:28PM

The nifty technology of TiVo is killing the advertisers that subsidize free television, which is why TiVos are so widely used by greedy socialists such as yourself. The friendly Domino's Pizza corporation, however, has figured out a way to work with TiVo to both enrich themselves and serve you, the lazy American consumer. Aren't you tired of having to push buttons on a telephone to summon a pizza to your doorstep? Well there's no need to exercise your pudgy fingers any more! Because now when you try to skip over a Domino's ad, it will automatically give you the option of ordering a pizza through your TiVo. This is a breakthrough in ease of service to our nation's cheese-laden bellies:

Twitter Mom Power! Innocuous Ads Successfully Banned

Hamilton Nolan · 11/18/08 11:12AM

Haven't we warned you people that Twitter and all of its attendant microtrends are nothing but trouble? That also goes for "the internet" and "bloggers," and especially for "mom bloggers," a particularly virulent and dangerous subset. Corporate America has now learned this lesson the hard way. The outrage of Twitter moms has forced the big bad Motrin corporation to pull its totally innocent ad campaign for aspirin. Power to the people! Detect the horrible offense here for yourself:

Diamond Sales Set To Skyrocket In Opposite World

Hamilton Nolan · 11/18/08 10:39AM

Here's a preposterous contrarian strategy: Evil diamond merchant De Beers is more than doubling its marketing spending this holiday season, because they have "new research showing diamond jewelry will be the number-one gift for the holidays in 2008." Oh really? Diamonds made out of compressed spam, boiled into a thin soup and served with watery Kool-Aid, maybe. De Beers says their ad campaign will be "philosophical." That philosophy is egoism with a touch of apocalypticism. [WWD]

Wacky Improv Kid's Real Job Is Marketing

Hamilton Nolan · 11/17/08 09:45AM

"Viral" ad campaigns: everybody's sick of them! What to do? Just think of a more appealing name for them. Because appearance, not reality, is what matters, and if you agree with that you just might have a future in advertising. "Viral" campaigns are now called "Dandelions," because they flutter beautifully across the landscape, sowing their brand messages that will grow into beautiful brand flowers. This, according to a new agency that is perfecting the art of being a smart sellout: The agency is called Dandelion, of course, because why let someone else run off with your awesome viral marketing analogy? And Dandelion is not a vulgar "ad" agency; rather, it is a "brand storyteller." For reals. All your favorites are lining up for some of that sweet marketing budget pie:

The Subliminal Influence of Logos

cityfile · 11/17/08 08:06AM

There you were thinking that seeing celebrities with ten-piece sets of Louis Vuitton luggage, or people with more money than style attired in outfits emblazoned with Versace medusa heads, was merely an assault on one's fashion sensibilities. But it turns out that fashion emblems may be worming their way into our consciousness and influencing our behavior without us even knowing about it. Rob Walker reports on a study in which subjects were more likely to choose a certain brand of bottled water after being shown photos of people drinking it, even though they weren't aware of having noticed the brand.

Riding GM To The Poorhouse

Hamilton Nolan · 11/14/08 02:16PM

Even in a perfect economy, the media would be having economic problems dealing with the internet's impact on the traditional media business models. That's more than enough to worry about. But of course the economy is far from perfect, so the media has an extra challenge: its advertisers are losing money. And for some, we're not talking about fluctuations; we're talking about huge ad buyers who might be wiped off the map. This is why every media company is really, really hoping that the government rushes to the aid of General Motors and its dying US auto industry friends. The auto industry is one of the biggest advertisers of all. Local newspapers reap a lot of their revenue from local auto dealer ads. (The recent decline of those, along with real estate ads and retail ads, has local papers scrambling to figure out what to do). But that's just one small piece; television auto ads and sponsorships are declining too. GM spent more than $2 billion on advertising last year, and when they make cuts, media companies can see tens or hundreds of millions of dollars evaporate. In August, GM pulled out of its sponsorship of the Academy Awards. In September, the company slashed its digital ad budget and decided not to sponsor the Super Bowl. Even when GM tries to spend money, they're cursed. They signed up for a big product placement deal in the craptastic new NBC Christian Slater show My Own Worst Enemy—but yesterday NBC announced it was going to cancel the show because of low ratings. Boy that sucks. And today we learned that, thanks the auto industry's troubles, Christmas has been ruined at yet another media company! A tipster sent us an internal memo to staffers at Sirius XM Satellite Radio from the CEO Mel Karmazin, the former Viacom exec; he's copying his old company by canceling the holiday party and giving everyone an extra vacation day instead. "The economy is slowing, our OEM and retail partners are hurting, satellite radio sales are not growing as we would like, and our stock price reflects that along with other issues," Karmazin writes. A major reason: all those new cars with built-in satellite radios aren't selling. How bad is it overall?

Wipe Your Ass with Alec Baldwin

cityfile · 11/14/08 10:55AM

Are you close personal friends with Kim Basinger? If you are, and you're still looking for a perfect (and really inexpensive!) holiday gift to give her, you can head over to Europe where an ad agency is distributing Alec Baldwin-themed toilet paper as part of a promotion for 30 Rock. [AdFreak]

Atheist Ads Target Jesus, Santa, Babies

Hamilton Nolan · 11/13/08 01:57PM

The annual War Against Christmas is starting again! This is the time of year when secular humanists and other assorted anti-American forces do various things to undermine Jesus, such as asking for the term "Holiday party" to be substituted for "Christmas party," and requesting that Jews, Muslims, and members of other blasphemous religions be "included" in things. But this year it's even worse, because some atheists have started a public ad campaign designed to destroy God! Fox News is taking this threat very seriously:

Brand Names Separate The Real From The Corporate

Hamilton Nolan · 11/13/08 09:35AM

You know what's really important to up-and-coming young entrepreneurs these days? What you wear! More important than, for example, economics. This is why older people run all the real businesses, while younger people spend their time talking to WSJ columnists for unintentionally hilarious and depressing features on how kids avoid going "corporate" by buying the correct name brands. Is your CEO "urban" or a "surfer?"

Paulson's New Recovery Plan: Endorsement Deals!

cityfile · 11/12/08 02:19PM

The national debt now stands at $10.6 trillion and the federal government needs to borrow at least $1 trillion a year to keep the country in business. What's the Treasury Department going to come up with that kind of cash? Maybe Hank Paulson was on to something when he delivered a press conference this morning and positioned himself next to a gleaming bottle of refreshing Dasani water. Now Barack Obama just needs to tap a marketing guru and cut a few high-profile endorsement deals. The giant image if the Geico gekko on the side of the White House won't be pretty, but at least you'll have a job to go to tomorrow!

New 'Benjamin Button' Poster Arrives in Backward-English Markets

STV · 11/11/08 06:02PM

Despite recent complaints around the Web asking why Paramount hadn't yet issued a one-sheet for The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the studio has in fact delivered the poster to theaters. And what an effort it is, with the pores of Brad Pitt's face blown up to nickel-size and every word but the release date printed backwards in tribute to its namesake's reverse chronology. Or maybe the first run was messed up and simply displayed last night at the Bruin just in case a confused security guard didn't recognize the leading man. Or perhaps the whole thing is just deliberate ploy to attract the disaffected, backwards-face-carving youth contingent. Click through for the full-size paparazzi image. [X17 Online]

Ads To Make You Gay

Hamilton Nolan · 11/11/08 03:53PM

Gay Times magazine in the UK got a bunch of ad agencies to make up ads that persuade straight guys to Go Gay. Now there is an idea that is sure to draw greatly varying reactions! Large versions of the three most interesting ones are below. The winner is last. Will this campaign work? Well that's a great setup for a joke, which I am not going to pursue. Here they are:

Media Futurist Jack Myers Has A Cohesive Strategic Vision To Make You Billion$!

Hamilton Nolan · 11/11/08 12:31PM

Did you know that at Huffington Post you are now allowed to use your position as a "blogger" to simply run ads for your own craptastic imaginary version of a ripoff consulting business? It's true! Exhibit A-Z is the new column by "Jack Myers," a "Media futurist" and one of the most jargon-talking jargonists that you may ever hope to jargon with! (Actual bio item: "Jack Myers has nearly 3,000 Facebook friends"). Media futurist Jack Myers interfaces with end users of HuffPo by communicating a strategic column-formed digital word item that "originally appeared at JackMyers.com." Okay Jack hit us with some of your forward-facing media marketing advertising knowledge!: Media futurist Jack Myers knows how to make billions of dollars for the media!

Army Needs New Blood: Yours

Hamilton Nolan · 11/11/08 10:00AM

Happy (in a somber way) Veteran's Day. If you're a young American aged 17-24, you might consider honoring the sacrifices of our men and women in uniform by joining the United States Army yourself! Sounds good, no? We all know the Army has been having some recruitment problems lately, what with the hopeless wars we're fighting and the psycho Commander in Chief and the excellent chance of being blown up. But the Army has decided to shift its sales pitch in order to lure you youngsters in. By talking more about Iraq!: They're adding a webcast called "Straight from Iraq" to their website, where soldiers will tell you the real deal about life in the desert war zone. Presumably not too real, though. They're also supercharging their marketing plan with the following changes: - More internet, less "sponsorships of professional rodeos." - The voice of Gary Sinise! - New commercial: "young workers in business attire suddenly start climbing walls. 'This company is filled with dreamers,' Mr. Sinise says." You'll have to join the Army to know how it ends! Of course, all of this is very much deck chair/ Titanic. If more people join the Army it will be because they can't get a job anywhere else since our economy collapsed. And if the Army was smart it would have one simple selling point: "Bush is gone." [NYT]

The Beginning Of The End Of Chimps In Ads

Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/08 05:10PM

Is this the end of monkey ads? The nonprofit Ad Council—which makes all those famous public service ads you see everywhere—has agreed not to use any more "great apes" in its ads. No chimpanzees or orangutans! Not only that, but the CEOs of dozens of major advertisers and ad agencies sit on the Ad Council's board, and PETA is promising to urge all of them to stop with the ape ads, too. Kiss your precious CareerBuilder monkeys goodbye!

Five Lessons from Obama's Campaign That Aren't Marketing Pseudospeak

Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/08 02:46PM

Now that Obama hath ascended to America's throne, it's time for everyone to speak loudly about the Lessons Learned. Did we learn that Obama won because eight years of heinous mismanagement made everyone hate Republicans? Ha, no, that would be far too easy. The real lessons are all these crazy marketing strategies the Obama campaign used, allegedly! After the jump, we'll tell you five actual lessons of the Obama victory, and why things haven't changed as much as everyone says: 1. Facebook doesn't mean shit: This is really the insight that gives us the most delight. All those Facebook groups for Obama and donating your Facebook status do not mean shit. They are a great way to feel as if you're participating in the campaign fight while actually doing nothing to sway any votes. Facebook is the epitome of preaching to the choir. To the extent that it's an easy and effective way to communicate with people, sure, it helps, and it will be adopted by both parties eventually to the extent that it makes their jobs easier, just like email and websites. But the idea that some sort of "Facebook activism" actually helped shift red states to blue states is just wrong. Offline tendencies drive online behavior, not vice versa. 2. TV is still king: With all the internet and the websites and the social networking and the blast emails and the online video and the microtargeting, you know what the most important weapon is for any campaign. TV ads, as always. That's where all that money you give on the internet gets spent (Obama spent $250 million on ads—which sounds like a lot until you compare it to, say, the $300 million Microsoft is spending for its current ad campaign). In terms of being a powerfully influential medium for moving voters, TV crushes the internet now and forevermore until further notice, the end. 3. The candidates matter: Did Barack Obama do better than John Kerry because Obama had a more sophisticated media strategy? OR was it because Obama is more competent, more likable, more telegenic, and was running against a teetering old warmonger who would be a heartbeat away from turning the Oval Office over to a fundamentalist Alaskan psycho woman? You decide. 4. Elections ride the swinging pendulum: When the nation swings as far to one end of the spectrum as we've been for the last eight years, with such disastrous results, you can bet it'll swing back to the other end. Honestly, Christopher Dodd with no Facebook page at all would have had a pretty decent shot at winning this year if he raised the money Obama did. It's the Democrats' time. 5. Campaign tactics are always evaluated in retrospect because the media has no idea what it's talking about, mostly: Here's how media experts evaluate the tactics of a presidential campaign: A campaign does something. The media sees what the reaction is. Then they "explain" why it was a good/ bad idea, based on whether it worked or not. If some tactic starts off slow and is pronounced a failure only to eventually start working, watch the media magically create a reason for this dynamic that does not include "We have no idea what we're talking about." This goes for us too, btw. Neither we or our media colleagues are any more able to predict the dynamics of an election in advance than you, the average idiot! The only prediction worth a shit is one made beforehand, that turns out to be right. And the person making that prediction is still not worth a shit unless they can make similar, accurate predictions repeatedly over an extended period of time. This is why everything that pundits say is good only for entertainment value, and Nate Silver will rule the world.

The Fun Side Of Poverty

Hamilton Nolan · 11/10/08 11:42AM

In keeping with the new law that every single ad for everything must how have a "Hard Times" theme, companies that want to sell any product to the public are now forced to talk about how cheap their stuff is, which just months ago would have been offensive to their "brand integrity" or some such bullshit. They've already started plastering coupons (gauche!) on the outside of everything and trying to convince you that their product fits into your new pauper lifestyle. How bad has it gotten? This bad: