Florida Sen. Marco Rubio gave the Republican response to Obama's State of the Union speech tonight, and while he spoke a lot about protecting his neighbors and a son's love for his mother, he was really just very thirsty. Parched even. Mouth full of steel wool. Tongue is old velcro. Lips stuck to teeth.
Florida Senator Marco Rubio has clearly learned a thing or two from Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock when it comes to qualifying public statements. Reminding us that a comprehensive understanding of the earth's history is reserved for only the most seasoned of sages and alchemists, with many glowing astrolabes, he told GQ that the true age of the planet is "one of the great mysteries" of our time. It seems fairly clear, however, that in suggesting parents teach their children about the formation and development of the planet using either "what science says" or "what their faith says" where he lands on science.
The dumbest story to come out of this year's London Olympics isn't about the judo competitor who alleges he accidentally ate a weed brownie before coming to London, or whether the guy from America's crew team had a boner while getting his bronze medal (though he definitely did, and that's alright, it happens). The dumbest story is that American politicians are now attempting to exempt Olympians from the taxes they have historically paid on their prize money. Even Obama, the socialist who hates victory, is on board with the plan. And you thought Ryan Lochte was simple?
The last week must have thrilled anybody playing Romney VP bingo. Rumors suggested Romney would pick Condoleezza Rice. Rice has never run for—nor expressed interest in—elected office, probably couldn't siphon "the black vote" away from Carlton on Fresh Prince, and her candidacy's soundtrack would be Block Rockin' Briefs '01: Bin Laden Determined to Attack U.S. This week the VP rumor was about Tim Pawlenty, who is boring.
WASHINGTON, D.C.— Samuel Wurzelbacher, otherwise known as "Joe the Plumber," is still plumbing. He is running for Congress as a Republican in Ohio's Ninth District—Dennis Kucinich's turf—but he is also still plumbing. He just did a job for a friend two weeks ago. He says he will plumb for life.
Top Republicans are starting to weigh in on Muammar Qaddafi's death and one consistent theme is quickly emerging: Barack who?
When Univision got wind of a story about Marco Rubio's family that the senator didn't want broadcast, the network offered to kill it in exchange for an interview.
"Oh boy, oh boy," freshman Senator Marco Rubio thought to himself, escorting Nancy Reagan through the Reagan Library. "I'm in the inner sanctum now. Handpicked by Nancy Reagan to deliver a speech, walking down this aisle like husband and wife. Best damn photo op of my life! Oh, wait, gotta smile."
Marco Rubio is going the be the Republican candidate for Senate in Florida this year. He is handily beating formerly popular Republican Governor Charlie Crist, because Crist is too moderate and too probably gay. This Rubio guy, though—he is basically the next Scott Brown! Except that once he destroys Crist in the primaries by running way to Charlie's right, it will be a lot harder for him to shift back to Florida's soft, mushy center. Especially when he is already coming out against taxing or regulating banks at all in any fashion. (We are so baffled by these Tea Party people! Aren't they anti-bailout? Anti-bailout and anti-preventing-future-bailouts?) Oh, right: he is beating Crist in the polls. They're both ahead of the Democrat, but the Democrat has not yet begun actually campaigning against this man who loves banks so much he wants to marry them.
