In gross defiance of both our Declaration of Independence and our Bill of Rights, some unemployed British tourists are hoping to enforce a dress code on our free American press corps. Sir and madam, the only rule of dressing on these shores is: Take that crown off your head and shove it up your ass.
An easy way to be a better person:
Can I tell my 14-year-old neighbor to stop singing because she sucks?
The Seattle Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl, after cornerback Richard Sherman ended the San Francisco 49ers final drive by leaping and tipping a pass for teammate Malcolm Smith to intercept in the end zone. Nobody was more impressed by Sherman's performance than Richard Sherman, as he demonstrated in his cruelly enthusiastic postgame interview.
Let's just say for argument's sake that you enter a New York City subway station and step onto an escalator that's headed down towards the train tracks. At that moment, you must choose one of two clear courses of action: walk down the escalator, or stand still. Put more precisely, you can either walk down the escalator, or you deserve to be pushed down the escalator.
Everyone knows that people in America's Northeast, Northwest, and Southwest regions are sociopaths with no regard for others. We don't even need to mention that widely accepted fact. Everyone also knows that the final haven of "manners" here in our nation of animals is the Southeast region, where people still say "Yes ma'am" and shit like that, no matter how corny it sounds, because they love Jesus—and manners.
Kids these days: are they monsters who grew up on Mars and you shouldn't even bother trying to communicate with them, because they're monsters from Mars? As their parent, you know the answer to this is "Yes sir." That's why you are "outsourcing" the teaching of basic social skills to your own children. Who has the time?
A Tacoma woman crashed her car on Monday, all because she lost control of it after giving a passing motorist the finger.
Doesn't it seem like people are rude these days? It's totally not your imagination. Nor is it a simple garden-variety example of the human tendency to fallaciously generalize our own mundane experiences out onto the world at large. Not at all. It's a completely true trend, according to an official-sounding survey thing!
Armond White, the film critic for the New York Press and chair of this year's New York Film Critics Circle Awards, kept insulting everybody at last night's award ceremony, prompting Annette Bening to issue a teary-eyed appeal for peace.
Text messaging is one of the greatest advances in communication since, well, the telephone and email. That said, it's still a fledgling medium and some people need to learn how to use it without being a total jackass.
