In your modernist Monday media column: Print porn gets desperate, Metro leaves America, reporters now work in coffee shops, and your dumb college newspaper articles are all on your permanent record:

This month's Esquire says that the new Terminator movie is all about a scream, or something, but that the scream is bad, and McG definitely isn't a tool. Oh super. This movie will be great.

Internet fameball competition was already intense before the recession and subprime celebrity crisis. Now it's gone cutthroat. And Lydia Hearst, never shy about exposing flesh, will not be forgotten so, hey, here are her tits.

In your survivalist Thursday media column: Domino staffers sell their swag, Boston Globe staffers give in, magazine staffers pull pranks, and more:

Peter Brant seems to be going through the billionaire's version of mid-life crisis. It's been brutal on his second, and soon to be ex-, wife.

In your desperate Wednesday media column: Baseball writer fired at baseball game, a Harpers ripoff, News Corp has big plans like everybody else, and even more!:

• Walt Disney reported that profits plunged 46% last quarter. [Variety, WSJ]
• Mort Zuckerman's plan to save newspapers involves bingo. Really! [NYM]
• The New York Times Co. has reached a deal with the unions at the Boston Globe, although it may take a few weeks to vote on the compromise. [E&P]
• NBC's Washington headquarters is contaminated with asbestos! [NYO]
• Tricky Dylan Ratigan isn't joining ABC after all. He's going to MSNBC. [Gawker]
• Michael Wolff may hate the New York Times, but if it weren't for the Times, he'd probably have nothing to rant about on his unknown website. [HP]
• Amazon unveiled its fancy, new Kindle reader today. [NYT, E&P]

Bernie Madoff was "irresistible to women." Really? Yes, his secretary says! See Bernie: you were mean to your secretary and now she's telling Vanity Fair all about your happy ending(?) massages. Always happens.

The press corps shrank at this year's Time 100: We heard the Observer, Mediabistro and Daily Beast weren't there; Folio was reportedly turned away. The media truncation was just one way the party was Twitter-ized.

In your eye-watering Tuesday media column: Advertising plunges, newspapers fiddle and burn, The Onion's boss tells em why he's mad, son, and DC reporters are hopelessly Obama-crushing:

Author Michael Gross suggested over the weekend that the Costume Institute Gala, hosted by Anna Wintour, represents the Vogue editor's attempt to compete with Graydon Carter's equally star-studded Vanity Fair Oscar bash every February. "Graydon and Anna are competing for the social crown. It's the social-status factor that defines those magazines," explained Gross. So did Graydon deign to stop off at last night's celeb-fest at the Met?

OK! says Jason Oliver Nixon, the former Gotham editor, is indeed joining the celebrity weekly, as we'd heard. But instead of lording over editor-in-chief Katie Caperton, he'll be "consulting" for her as an underling.

In your cloudy Monday media column: Rumors of woman-centric layoffs at Men's Journal, Warren Buffett gives up on newspapers, Newsweek goes through "the change," job moves galore, and more!:

We hear OK! Magazine has laid off creative director Sean Bumgarner, #3 on its masthead. This follows a weekend full of shakeups. What is going on over there? Grasping desperately at shrinking market share, probably!

• Tense negotiations over proposed budget cuts continue between the New York Times Co. and unions that represent workers at the Boston Globe; in the meantime, the Times has postponed plans to shut down the paper. [NYT, WSJ]
• Another way the Times is planning to rake in some much needed cash: It may raise newsstand prices as early as this week. [FT]
• NBC announced several shows that it plans to add to primetime. One show noticeably missing from the lineup: Law and Order. [Variety, NYT]
• Ex-Portfolio publisher William Li has landed at Condé Nast Traveler. [NYO]
• A positive aspect to the cuts at Conde Nast? Media buyers "say that publishers and salespeople are becoming easier to work with. [Crain's]
• Wolverine grossed a whopping $87 million at the box office. [Variety]

We hear Jason Oliver Nixon, once editor of Gotham, will oversee OK!'s editor in chief Katie Caperton, the former copy editor who recently became the magazine's third editor in eight months.

Just in case you want to know what you'll be reading in the September or October issue of Vanity Fair, two writers from the magazine are supposedly in Palm Beach today working on a story about the mysterious deaths of 21 polo horses a couple of weeks ago. [Page2Live]

What's deposed Portfolio editor Joanne Lipman been up to since her magazine folded, besides lying about not reading this website? Partying, vacation planning, and blaming others!

In your fuzzy Friday media column: Fuzzy futures for newspapers, fuzzy-headed football fans delight, fuzzy math from the NYT Co., and other fuzz-related items:

• Esquire, The New Yorker, Backpacker, and Wired were all big winners at last night's National Magazine Awards, although the mood was much more subdued this year, not surprisingly. [ NYT, WWD, NYP]
• Portfolio's Joanne Lipman reflects on what went wrong. [Newsweek]
• Hollywood might be on track for its best year ever at the box office. [WSJ]
• A roundup of the winners at the Tribeca Film Festival. [NYT, THR]
• White House Social Secretary Desirée Rogers appears on the cover of the new issue of WSJ. The idea of having her pose in an Oscar de la Renta gown in the First Lady's garden was vetoed by the powers-that-be, wisely. [WWD]