In your trepidatious Tuesday media column: we hear the Time Inc. layoffs hit Fortune (and others?) today, BusinessWeek speaks robot language, Dave Eggers will not stop saving print, and a horrible massacre of journalists in the Philippines.

Playboy, which is really just hobbling along waiting to be sold at this point, is outsourcing its non-editorial production duties to AMI, which now has the weirdest stable of publications in the business.

In your merciful Monday media column: Carl Kasell gets to sleep in now, more rumored AP layoffs, crazy "old media" types eschew pointless media beef, and Verlyn Klinkenborg defended like a doe, a deer, a female deer, shut up, Verlyn.

• Oprah got all teary today when she announced she'll end her talk show two years from now. Meanwhile her upstart cable network announced it'll launch in January 2011, eight months before her talk show goes off the air. [EW, THR]
• Oprah isn't the only one planning her goodbyes. Bill Moyers announced today that he's retiring and will wrap up his weekly PBS show in April 2010. [NYT]
• Former NY1 anchor Dominic Carter was found guilty of misdemeanor attempted assault today for roughing up his wife last year. [NYDN]
• Last night's season finale of Project Runway was the highest-rated episode of the season; meanwhile, winner Irina Shabayeva describes what's next for her.
• The new Twilight sequel, New Moon, isn't just causing excitable teens to pass out in droves. It's also on track to break a few box office records. [AFP, AP]
• More on the bloodshed at BusinessWeek the past few days. [FBNY]
• Tina Brown has herself a new right-hand man at The Daily Beast. [NYP]
• Yet another book by reality TV star Lauren Conrad is on the way. [NYDN]
• Phil Falcone's Harbinger has cut his stake in the Times once again. [Reuters]
• The scariest news ever: Lou Dobbs has left open the possibility that he'll make a run for the White House in 2012. And he wasn't kidding. [Reuters]

It didn't very long for people to notice that the photo of Demi Moore on the cover of the December issue of W had been photoshopped. Half of her hip was missing! The magazine didn't even try to deny that the photo had been retouched. (A W spokesperson said the mag "did not do anything unusual or out of the ordinary," but since fixing up a cover photo is standard stuff, that didn't mean very much.)

Italian novelist Umberto Eco, the go-to intellectual for journalists worldwide, has deconstructed the human obsession with all things listy. The bottom line for editors: Your listicles help readers brush off a terrifying universe of infinite chaos.

In your ferocious Friday media column: Newspaper wars in Germany are of another breed, another high school paper censored for dumb reasons, more on the BusinessWeek layoffs, and George Stephanopoulos' fluff chops questioned.

The long-expected BusinessWeek layoffs came down yesterday, with 130 staffers let go—a full third of its employees. Is it fair to call that a "surprise?"

Perhaps you've seen this chart from the Awl, which shows via colorful line graphs exactly how screwed the magazine industry is. (Very screwed.) However, one magazine seems to be weathering the storm quite well. Vice. What's their dirty little secret?

• It's official: Oprah says she plans to call it quits in September 2011. [ABC]
• Layoffs: The BusinessWeek cuts continue (and include a handful of the mag's more notable names); meanwhile the AP body count now stands at 90.
• Sarah Palin sold 300,000 copies of her book the first day, alas. [TDB]
• Condé Nast and Adobe are teaming up to bring Wired to electronic reading devices. Digital versions of Vogue, VF, and the NYer will follow. [WSJ]
• Vogue's design director is exiting the magazine after a four-year run. [WWD]
• In other Anna news, her de facto stepdaughter, Alexis Bryan Morgan, is leaving the Condé Nast family to take Nina Garcia's old job at Elle. [NYM]
• Cable mogul John Malone isn't happy about the idea of Comcast and NBC teaming up. Meanwhile NBC chief Jeff Zucker is staying mum about the deal.
• Another rumored Playboy bidder is denying interest in an acquisition. [NYT]
• Does Bonnie Fuller's new website stand a chance? [NYP]

In your foreboding Thursday media column: Rumors of veterans departing their jobs far and wide, Anthony Kennedy's story weakens, newspapers and magazines lose huge money, and Jon Fine's media gig disappears.

Condé Nast says it is already racing to repackage its magazines for Apple's forthcoming tablet, starting with Wired, even while toeing Apple's line that the device doesn't exist. Publishers are clearly betting Steve Jobs can save their business model.

• It's official: Will Ferrell is the most overpaid man in show business. [THR]
• Layoffs: BusinessWeek's cuts kicked off today; layoffs now loom at Time Inc. as the company awaits word on how many volunteers will accept buyout packages; and there's a bit more detail on this week's cuts at the AP.
• MSNBC's Joe Scarborough isn't exactly on fire at the moment. [NYO]
• Palinitis: The ex-governor's sit-down with Oprah on Monday generated the talk show queen her highest ratings in two years; Fox News clowns Bill O'Reilly and Sean Hannity are now at war over their respective Palin interviews; and people are still talking about that Palin Newsweek cover, for some reason.
• Vivendi has tossed a last-minute complication into the NBC deal. [NYT]
• Times reporter Jodi Kantor has landed a seven-figure book deal. [NYO]
• Breaking! The Emmys are moving from September to August. [THR]
• CNN's Candy Crowley is speaking out about her weight loss. At last! [LAT]

In your wistful Wednesday media column: Fox News anchor moves up in the world, layoffs loom at Time Inc. and BusinessWeek, people still say they read newspapers, and Pat Kiernan has a contest, for you.

In your well-regarded Tuesday media column: A Washington Times editor reaches his breaking point, the NY Daily News makes a bizarre investment, Lou Dobbs has a terrifying new career option, and magazines are now pointless.

Bonnie Fuller finally re-launched HollywoodLife.com as a celebrity gossip site in her own image, and it's as nauseating as we feared: In Touch and Life & Style have indeed vomited all over a ridiculously loooong Web page.

BusinessWeek, which is in full reinvention mode since its was bought by Bloomberg last month, has found itself a new editor. We also hear layoffs are coming. Full info below. (UPDATED, with internal memo).

Esquire decided to SAVE MAGAZINES this month by putting another weird little "hold it up to your webcam" hologram augmented-reality gizmo on the cover, but alas: the magical doohickey is obscured by the address label. Curse you, ignoble media irony.

Maybe this is just a Rohrschach test for whether you're a gay leftist gossip site, but we think the holiday-card treatment on the Ellen Degeneres cover of O makes the word "Joy" look like "Gay." (Or "Goy" if you're Jewish.)

In our meritorious Monday media column: Judd Apatow questions Ken Auletta's wit, a reporter tries to pretend he is not a vicious murderer, Americans are cheap bastards when it comes to news, and all you need to know about Playboy.