Are you one of the roughly 6,000 people currently living or working in the United States’ most notorious extrajudicial prison complex and naval base? Do you fucking love Ludacris? Then it’s your lucky day, friend. Because on July 4th, Ludacris will be playing Gitmo, live and in person for one night only.

Newsman and loyal Gawker customer Brian Williams recently appeared on The Tonight Show to thank Jimmy Fallon for upping his credibility in the rap game with a series of remixes of Williams performing hip-hop classics like "Gin and Juice" and "Rapper's Delight." But Williams lamented that he doesn't get to pick his own songs.

This year, at the request of students, Florida Gulf Coast University booked Kendrick Lamar and Ludacris as the headliners at its annual "Eaglepalooza" concert. Well— the local sheriff is outraged that FGCU's president— a black man!— would stand for this filth.

For the past 24 hours, there has been an influx of new pop singles and almost all of them are subdued to the point of underwhelming. Here, I'll rank them in order of my faintly praised favorites.

Jason Hope is a Scottsdale, Arizona entrepreneur. He recently made headlines for throwing a $500,000 Christmas party featuring Ludacris ($100,000 performance fee) and Snooki ($17,500 appearance fee). Why would he do that? We asked his publicist.

Magnum condoms, for those of you who don't know (not me), are big condoms that are great for when your penis is extra large. Who better to promote Magnum condoms than rappers, who have extra-large penises, as everyone knows?

Today, 16 year-old pop singer Justin Bieber announced his first world tour. This merited an 81-word write up in the Times. Meanwhile, 12 year-old girls are literally weeping with anticipation. What the hell is going on? Come, elderly reader. Learn.

Martha and Ludacris are at it again, and this time he demonstrated his ridiculous "feminist" ideas in practice. While the sentiment is admirable, he's difficult to take seriously when he speaks about giving women a voice on his album.

Kelly Ripa had Ludacris as her co-host today, and he performed his new single "How Low." After his performance Ripa decided that she was not intimated by the curvaceous dancers—she too can get low! Ludacris looked slightly impressed...

Regis Philbin walking with a cane following surgery to replace his hip recently ... Amy Adams leaving ABC after an appearance on Good Morning America ... Pete Wentz pushing baby Bronx in a stroller in SoHo and Ashlee Simpson getting coffee with Bronx and a friend ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving a salon in the meatpacking district ... Ludacris walking with his new girlfriend, Fab ... Jenna Elfman posing for photos outside the Late Show with David Letterman ... and Hugh Jackman getting in an SUV outside his apartment building in the West Village.

CNBC's one-time "money honey," Maria Bartiromo, turns 42 today. Moby is turning 44. Marie-Josée Kravis, the wife of billionaire Henry Kravis, is 60. The rapper Ludacris is 32. Brokerage founder Muriel Siebert is 77. Hedge funder David Tepper is turning 52. Political operative Bill Cunningham is 59. Singer Harry Connick Jr. turns 42. Director Brian De Palma is turning 68. Daily Kos founder Markos Moulitsas is 38. Actress Taraji P. Henson turns 39. And hockey player Mike Comrie, who may be better known for being Hilary Duff's boyfriend, is turning 29. Weekend birthdays after the jump.

• Relationships: Sean Penn may have a new girlfriend now that he and Robin Wright Penn are divorcing; Nick Lachey appears to have reunited with Vanessa Minnillo; Khloe Kardashian has a new boyfriend; and George Clooney is no longer trying to hide his relationship with Italian TV star Elisabetta Canalis.

Snoop Dogg's historic appearance last year on Martha was thought to finally shatter the barrier between hip-hop icons and potato-mashing domestic heroism. Alas, as Ludacris discovered today, that was not change we can believe in.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch: 12/4 — I was cruising home and decided to stop off to check out some of the sales at the 3rd Street festival. A limo was parked outside of the clothing store Milk, and when I walked in to peruse the racks, a film crew had set up in the back near the dressing rooms. LUDACRIS was shooting some type of commercial, and the director kept telling him to walk in and out of the dressing room and act like "this is the best pair of jeans you've ever put on in your life! You look GREAT!" [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Despite the best efforts of Young Jeezy, T.I., and Ludacris, the Democrats look to be stuck at 58 seats in the US Senate, two shy of the magic filibuster-proof majority. Georgia's runoff election between Senator Saxby Chambliss and challenger Jim Martin (pictured, above) is going on right now! And turnout seems to be low. Meanwhile in Minnesota, Al Franken faces some pretty damning math in his recount battle with Norm Coleman. Already, the age of Hope and Change is over!

It isn't the most auspicious day to celebrate a birthday, but what can you do? Today CNBC "money honey" Maria Bartiromo turns 41, which, in case you're wondering, means she's a full decade older than her primary competition, Erin Burnett. Others marking birthdays on this downer-of-a-day: Moby is 43. Marie-Josée Kravis, the third wife of billionaire financier Henry Kravis, is 59. Rapper Ludacris turns 31. Brokerage founder Muriel Siebert is 76. Hedge funder David Tepper turns 51. Politico William Cunningham is turning 58. And crooner Harry Connick Jr. is 41.

In the alternate universe where Chuck Norris is Arnold Schwarzenegger's Secretary of State, White House Chief of Staff Jon Voight is laughing his ass off. How could he not given this otherwise slow news day's insane spate of celebrity politicking? Drudge directs us to a new McCain ad featuring Britney Spears and Paris Hilton—not as endorsements, but pop tarts who evidently want to raise your taxes and dependency on foreign oil like someone we know. Meanwhile, alleged murderer Phil Spector was spotted in LA court wearing a "Barack Obama Rocks" button on his natty suit (just because you can doesn't mean you should!), and Ludacris' new single is called "Politics: Obama Is Here." Guess which "bitch is irrelevant"? And any takers on how long before the GOP makes quick work of this lyric: "McCain don't belong in ANY chair unless he's paralyzed"? Full song after the jump.

PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by the loyal readers of Defamer. As a few emailers have noted, it took us a few weeks to collect this installment — if you want to see this feature run more frequently, be sure to send in your tips early and often! Submit yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put "sighting" or "PrivacyWatch" in the subject line so we don't lose them) and tell everyone about the time you saw "Hey Now" Hank Kingsley (aka Jeffrey Tambor) buying travel-sized saline solution and a "single fleet enema" at Gelson's.