This EBay listing would so be worth the $100 minimum bid if real, but clearly God did not scorch Lou Dobbs' image into a tortilla manufactured in New Jersey and purchased in Bushwick. Points to the April-Fools-Day-inspired poster for noting that the immigrant-bashing CNN anchor, unlike the tortilla, "contains trace amounts of Trans Fat, and yes on Cholesterol and Fats." Also, greater than trace amounts of xenophobia. Larger images after the jump.

This ad for Pringles Hot & Spicy (click to enlarge) features a classic, un-retouched photo of a young Lou Dobbs strapped to a balloon. [via Copyranter]

There's nothing wrong, obviously, with saying "cotton-pickin'" when you are, say, Yosemite Sam. But "one cotton-pickin' minute," while best avoided, is still less of a faux-pas than saying how you're sick of "cotton-pickin'" black people telling you how you can and cannot talk about race, which is more or less what baby-headed CNN anchor Lou Dobbs said on the air the other day. The occasion? Condoleezza Rice said something rather mild about how the United States has a racial "birth defect" on account of how the nation was founded on the backs of African slave labor and it took a while to get all that sorted out. But Dobbs is sick of people telling him to stop being so racist! "We've got to be able to talk about it," he sputters in the attached clip, "and I can guarantee you this, not a single one of these cotton—just ridiculous politicians should be the moderator on the issue of race." Good thing you caught yourself there, Lou! Thankfully, the CNN transcript omits the almost-gaffe completely, so it's like it never happened! Except for that YouTube clip we've embedded below.

Under the Same Moon is, we're told, "a heart-warming tale of a Mexican immigrant mom working as a domestic in Los Angeles, and her Mexico-residing son from whom she's separated." It will open in limited release in April, and apparently the attached commercial for it is airing today on CNN. CNN specifically because the three review quotes pulled for the trailer all claim the film would have a profound emotional effect on Lou Dobbs, the noted Xenophobic scumbag. Of course, a cute Mexican kid would not actually have any effect on Lou Dobbs whatsoever. He would only cry if you took away his millions of dollars, or possibly his daughter's pony. Trailer below.

Mustachioed embarrassment to the profession of journalism Geraldo Rivera appeared on The View today, where he castigated fellow blowhard Lou Dobbs for the sorts of things we have regularly attacked him for, but it was Geraldo saying it so we all felt a bit silly. Of course, Geraldo works for noted reasoned advocates of humane, sensible immigration reform Fox News, so this is really just another salvo in the tiresome Fox News vs. CNN (and sometimes NBC) battle. The clip is attached below.

CNN host Lou Dobbs' daughter Hillary is a Harvard sophomore and, if she keeps winning events, an Olympic horse rider. She and her mare Corlett just won their "second consecutive [Winter Equestrian Festival] Challenge Cup Series title," meaning they have collectively deprived other horse-riding plutocrats of a total $60,000 in prize money and untold sums in horsey endorsement opportunities. In a few days, Dobbs will begin Olympic selection trials, where she hopes to shut out other competitors to become, at 19, one of the youngest Olympic riders ever. Corlett, outrageously, is a German-bred horse, and at just 11 years old she probably isn't even a documented immigrant laborer. At some point, after she's done stealing the jobs of real All American ponies, Corlett is going to get old and useless, and then what? I suppose she'll want to collect unemployment, or welfare or, worse yet, just live off the charity of grandaddy Lou. Of course Corlett is destined for the glue factory instead, as evidenced by the following video in which Dobbs reminds us of how immigrants are ruining America:

The US government would maybe like to spruce up the network of existing interstates that runs from Texas to our Canadian border. The state of Texas, meanwhile, is looking into constructing a multi-lane freeway that would stretch from Laredo, on the Mexican border, to Arkansas. Naturally, this means that the American government has sold us out to foreign interests, dissolved our sovereignty, and allowed the shadowy "North American Union" to begin work on a vast "NAFTA Superhighway"—several football fields wide!—that would destroy our borders, and our rights, for good. This conspiracy theory, quite popular among the more extreme cranks of the far-right and libertarian movements, was brought to our attention by the tireless work promoting it done by respected economic commentator Lou Dobbs, of CNN.

Kind of the most astounding lede we've read this week: "So I was having lunch at the Four Seasons with Lou Dobbs the other day, locked in disagreement over who cared more about working people, him or me." (The answer? Lou Dobbs is not swayed by reasoned arguments or civil discussion, demonstrates no interest in workable solutions to problems he identifies for the purposes of <a href="http://gawker.com/342376/lou-dobbs-scumbag".employing trumped-up rage to appeal to the angry white people who've made him an unlikely TV star.) [NYT]

Harris Poll asked TV viewers, both Democrat and Republican, to name their favorite and least liked news personalities. The results of the survey, crunched and displayed on our chart, are fascinating.

The former host of Lou Dobbs Tonight on CNN, these days Dobbs has brought his unique brand of fear-mongering and immigrant bashing to the Fox Business Network. One of his favorite pastimes is threatening to run for office.

Earlier this month, a $150 million lawsuit was filed against Time Warner and AOL, with some stunning charges: Credit card fraud, civil rights violations, and discrimination towards people with "bowel problems." Why haven't you heard of this scandal? Probably the same reason you haven't heard of the other recent lawsuits against Martha Stewart, Brad Pitt, Jake Gyllenhaal, George Clooney, Padma Lakshmi, Anderson Cooper, Oprah Winfrey, Slobodan Milosevic, Mumia Abu-Jamal, Lemony Snicket, the Sarbanes-Oxley Act, and Mack's Famous Boardwalk Pizza: They were all filed by Jonathan Lee Riches, the most suing-est federal prisoner you ever could hope to meet! Just this month, Riches has filed hundreds of suits against the most famous people, places, and things in the world. And he has some VERY serious complaints.

Orange-headed TV scumbag Lou Dobbs will not run for President. Because the Harvard-educated man of the people doesn't really want to spend too much time with those people. "I'm too impatient with the blathering fools who make up the crowd that attends the political process," he tells TVNewser. Also personally offensive to the only guy looking out for the working man: "standing there at chicken dinners, talking about all the things that really don't matter." Let Lou Dobbs eat his chicken dinner in peace, people! The man is hungry. Hungry for change! (And chicken.) [TVNewser]

The "interview with Lou Dobbs" Stephen Colbert carried out last night as his own Spanish-speaking alter ego? It was edited together from a year-old Dobbs interview. Appropriate ex post facto updates are to be found at HuffPo and TVNewser.

Lou Dobbs took over two hours of prime CNN time last night (while they were supposed to be reporting the results from the Michigan primaries, no less!) to plug his book about how only he has the answer to what ails America. What ails America, by the way, is Mexicans taking our jobs here and Chinese people taking our jobs elsewhere (then sending us back POISON TOYS). The entire spectacle exposed the uneasy position Dobbs has at The Most Trusted Name in News. The first hour, as usual, was given over, mostly, to "real" news about politics and Michigan. The second was mostly free-wheeling opinionated shouty interviews with a panel made up of Bill Bennett some folks Dobbs ignored entirely. As other networks broadcast early returns from Michigan, Dobbs appeared aggravated when he had to jump to Wolf Blitzer with actual "news" on the close Romney/McCain race. Wolf looked uncomfortable when his fellow Election Night coverage marquee anchor star referred to the Democratic Party's "screwing over" of the voters of Michigan. "That's one way to look at it," Wolf charitably mumbled through his beard.

Oh God, Lou Dobbs hair is insane on CNN. Just a few weeks ago it was almost a Cooperian grey. Tonight, molasses brown.

Last week, Dorothy Thompson's 1941 essay "Who Goes Nazi?" was made available to non-subscribers at Harpers.org. The hook: "It is an interesting and somewhat macabre parlor game to play at a large gathering of one's acquaintances: to speculate who in a showdown would go Nazi. By now, I think I know." We haven't "gone through the experience many times," as Dorothy had, but a couple media figures are so obviously jonesing for a bit of totalitarianism that anyone can see they'd fit in just swell at an old fashioned putsch. Like lovable old CNN anchor Lou Dobbs.

Immigrant-hating/loving CNN goblin Lou Dobbs isn't not pondering entering the 2008 Presidential Elections as an independent. From the WSJ: "Mr. Dobbs says he isn't planning to run. "I haven't got the personality or nature to be a politician," he said in an interview Thursday. But he makes clear he hasn't ruled out the idea. "I cannot say never," he said." Sure you can! Just say it please and stop giving us agita!

According to her HuffPo bio, "Linda Keenan worked 7 years as a head writer/senior producer for various programs on CNN. Before that, she worked as a writer/producer for Bloomberg TV." Now she's a mommyblogger. Which makes her more than qualified to present a series of amusing blind items about childish behavior by famous television newsanchors. After the jump, we solicit your guesses and present a couple of ours.

Hillary Dobbs, the Lou Dobbs-faced daughter of CNN xenophobe Lou Dobbs, won't be our Facebook friend but some of her friends will! One of them sent us this photograph of la petite Dobbs in a Sapphic embrace with one of her hard-partying friends, no doubt at some dive bar near the little school in Boston which she attends.

Both a recent Page Six item and the Times' piece on the Hampton Classic horse show yesterday made heavy mention of CNN ranter Lou Dobb's daughter, Hillary, and her enrollment in a little school in Boston which was founded in 1636. As per Page Six, after winning $12,900 in prize money at the Classic (the girl loves to ride stallions!), Daddy Dobbs had something to say!