The Writers Guild unveiled its 2009 TV nominees this afternoon, revealing a radical shift in taste that rotated only one new drama and two new comedies into the year's Best Series nominations — all replacing old nominees that weren't on the air this year. Let's hear it for attrition!

When Lost first began, it had several things going for it including a strong premise, a diverse cast, and a series of wonderful chests. Sadly, Josh Holloway (tee-vee's "Sawyer") has decided to follow in costar Matthew Fox's lead and mess with his Abbie™-winning torso, and the results became evident this week as he shot an advertisement for Cool Water in Hawaii and revealed this strange new tattoo. Was Holloway trying to one-up Brad Pitt's inscrutable ink, or was he paying tribute to his adopted archipelago in ways that will surely undergo some tectonic shifting over the next decade? A second picture awaits after the jump for those inclined to study the evidence — we're too busy engineering a frantic, preventative letter-writing campaign aimed at Naveen Andrews (no, Sayid, those nipple rings will not look good on camera).

Attacked By the Photoshop Monster: Lost producers today unveiled their second, more elaborate cast photo for season five, suggesting that the castaways will have all moved into an overgrown (yet rent-controlled!) Williamsburg loft. To judge from the empty Dharma beers and kicked-over TVs, they've just thrown quite a rager! Click through for massively full-size. [E!]

Because when it comes to melodramatic Lost promos set to the essential catalogue of The Fray—the soundtrack of our lives, really—too much is never enough, we bring you the seventh Lost trailer, featuring some rearranged footage you've already seen and that song you love so much! (This one doesn't actually feature the band, though fret not: We understand they do crash land on the magically reappearing island, where they are swiftly put to work putting out a subpar Nickelback single every 108 minutes—or everything will explode!) In case you've forgotten where we've left off last season, giant, swooshing intertitles helpfully remind us that "6 WERE RESCUED...THE REST...WE HAVE NO F&*%@ING CLUE BUT HOPEFULLY WE'LL GET THAT SORTED OUT." Needless to say, we're so there—hairy-chested Jack or not. [Lost]

Spoiler Alert! A brand-new promo for season five of Lost (that still, sadly, features the ear abortion forced on us by The Fray in a Dharma-like experiment) reveals the answer to one of this season's most-speculated upon mysteries: will Matthew Fox still be shaving his chest? We've covered the evidence up with Lost's smoke monster for now, but after the jump comes the shocking reveal:

Now that ABC has finished canceling about half its slate, it's time to bring back the big guns. Lost producers have already teased us with a minuscule sliver of new footage and a secret-revealing, Century City-set poster, but now a whopping two-and-a-half minute trailer has been released, which eventually eschews clip showiness for a sustained glimpse of its upcoming season. Shirtless Desmond! Sawyer and Juliet holding hands! Everyone is shooting flaming arrows for some reason! All great stuff marred by this terrible song/music video/eye-and-ear hurty thing by The Fray, a band ABC once used for its Grey's Anatomy promos and now will never stop pimping. Hey, ABC: Coldplay has a single out now that's actually called "Lost." Why not try that? Oh no, we were just put in the terrible position of advocating for Coldplay. Now we understand why STV has been taking all those showers and muttering, "So dirty, so dirty," for the last month. Clip after the jump!

· The island escapees have reconvened in Century City. · Left-behind leaders Juliet and Sawyer are clearly going to "do it." This will set up a love square that will only reach its last inevitable permutation when a jealous Smoke Monster catches Sawyer and Jack snuggling after a Season 6 CPR session turns unexpectedly amorous.· Jeremy Davies's bid to change his season-long "skinny tie" costume to a form-fitting tank top and cutoff jeans has still been rejected by producers. · The exclusion of original cast members Emilie de Ravin (Claire) and Daniel Dae Kim (Jin) can mean only one thing: a sassy, Private Practice-like spinoff! · In the tradition of "What's in the hatch?" and "Who are the Oceanic Six?", Season 5 will tease out its overarching mystery, "Just how much chest hair does Jack have right now anyway?" for as long as is humanly possible.

Just when we'd managed to shake our uncontrollable addiction to Lostpedia, brand-new footage from the upcoming Season 5 of Lost has hit the internet. What do we learn (after an interminable recap of previous storylines) about the island hijinks we'll be seeing come January 2009? Sayid gets a gun! Hurley gets a gun! Kate gets a gun! Probably even the baby gets a gun! As is par for the course with Lost, the footage only raises new questions; specifically, where is the return of Michelle Rodriguez (and her vibrator)? And, perhaps most importantly, is Jack's missing chest hair still in the clutches of the smoke monster? [The Lost Vault]

Because Friday is traditionally our day for fun times and 1/2 price, 11 a.m. margaritas, we bring you now this gallery of completely inspired "Truthful TV Title Cards," masterfully created by Glark blog. (Seriously! Check out that workmanship on Summer's Assholes 10.) And while we would have loved a version of How I Met Your Mother called Four Forgettable Characters Plus Neil Patrick Harris and a Shameless Laugh Track, beggars can't be choosers, ya know?

Click to viewBoomp3.com Lost castaway Evangeline Lilly returned to the mainland to participate the 60th Annual Emmy Awards on Sunday night. As she walked the luxurious red carpet, Lilly was asked if she ever thought about getting any plastic surgery in the future. Lilly chuckled slightly, then demonstrated what her face may look like if she got the Joan Rivers special. In a cruel twist of fate, Rivers happened to be watching the ceremony through her crystal ball and summoned up a few evil spirits in order to cast a spell that froze Lilly's face that like for a week. Lilly mumbled as she walked, “That Joan Rivers serves a cold and bitter dish of revenge. The make up call times that I'm going to need to fix this hex aren’t going to be fun, either.” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

We've already run through our predictions for Emmy's comedy categories, but now it's time to sit down for forty-four minutes (excepting commercials) and soberly judge this year's crop of dramas. Again, we'll be blogging the Emmys live from the East Coast starting at 7pm EDT/4pm PDT, so if Mariska Hargitay lets loose with an expletive-laden diatribe or Jeremy Piven has a nip slip on the red carpet, you can be sure we've got it covered. Now, onto the predictions:Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series Boston Legal - James Spader Breaking Bad - Bryan Cranston Dexter - Michael C. Hall House - Hugh Laurie In Treatment - Gabriel Byrne Mad Men - Jon Hamm Don't even bother, House fans. Though Hugh Laurie turned in the compelling, two-hour season finale as his submission, Emmy voters love three-time winner James Spader, and his submission (which finds him passionately arguing a case before the Supreme Court) provides Spader with his biggest tour-de-force yet. If he's ever to lose, it won't be this year. Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series Brothers & Sisters - Sally Field The Closer - Kyra Sedgwick Damages - Glenn Close Law & Order: Special Victims Unit - Mariska Hargitay Saving Grace - Holly Hunter A toss-up! In a category filled with film refugees deigning to do TV (which Emmy loves), Sally Field won last year and notoriously gave a bleeped speech that will only solidify her as the incumbent in voters' memories. Her biggest threat is the cool, nefarious Close, but we'll side with inertia and predict Field as the winner once more. Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series Boston Legal - William Shatner Damages - Ted Danson Damages - Zeljko Ivanek Lost - Michael Emerson Mad Men - John Slattery All but two of the nominees are newcomers to this category, and last year's winner Terry O'Quinn is nowhere to be found. We think voters will reward his co-star, Lost MVP Michael Emerson, whose blockbuster episode submission included horse-riding, piano playing, action scenes, foreign languages, and a juicy scene grieving the death of his daughter. Plus, Emerson is no Emmy novice: he won the award in 2001 for guest-starring on The Practice. Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series Boston Legal - Candice Bergen Brothers & Sisters - Rachel Griffiths Grey's Anatomy - Sandra Oh Grey's Anatomy - Chandra Wilson In Treatment - Dianne Wiest If the category seems oddly mild this year, it's because of 2007 winner Katherine Heigl's infamous decision to pull her name out of consideration. As a reward to the co-stars who bit their lips and suffered in silence, we expect either Oh or Wilson to pull through as the winner, with a slight edge to Oh (after all, she once had to deal with Isaiah Washington, too). Outstanding Drama Series Boston Legal Damages Dexter House Lost Mad Men For party crashers Damages and Dexter, it's an honor just to be nominated. Like them, Mad Men is little-seen, but the difference is that it's watched by all the right people (and heavily appeals to older Emmy voters), so we expect a first-season surge to victory. What Would Don Draper Do if he had to go home empty-handed?

Though she's had her fair number of brushes with the law, Michelle Rodriguez continues to confound the industry by working steadily. She's currently filming Avatar, a grueling shoot that requires her to wear a motion-capture device not unlike an old-fashioned diving suit, as James Cameron's Jesus Cameras™ provide the required fantasy spacescapes around her. There's also her exciting Shell-truck-detonating work in Fast and Furious. But for millions of Lost fans worldwide, she will forever be remembered as Ana Lucia Cortez—a castaway cop snuffed by the cruel hand of overpopulated-island fate, plus a network head sick of reading about her latest arrests. EW.com now reports that all fences and landmass-disappearing donkey wheels have been mended, as Rodriguez is set to return for a single episode, probably as a "flashback or via hallucination," in the coming season.They offer several theories regarding the how and why, but we'll throw our own into the mix: Maybe she was wearing a Locke disguise, and it was really her in the casket all along. Who really cares? Ana's back!

There are TV characters you hate to love, and then there are those whose love you hate. TV Guide writer Damien Holbrook tackles the latter in the magazine's upcoming feature, "Top 10 Most Annoying TV Couples," which details the most aggravating, chemistry-free romances ever foisted on television by a hubris-stricken showrunner. Did your least favorite couple make the list? Will Katherine Heigl make her beloved Joshua forward the article to the Grey's Anatomy writers? Results and analysis, after the jump:First, the runners-up: No. 10 – Rob & Amber, Survivor No. 9 – Sara & Grissom, CSI No. 8 – Ryan & Marissa, The O.C. No. 7 – Trista & Ryan, The Bachelorette No. 6 – Kate & Jack, Lost No. 5 – Billy & Alison, Melrose Place No. 4 – Clark & Lana, Smallville No. 3 – Boris & Natasha, The Bullwinkle Show (ed. note: ???) And the top two, excerpted from TV Guide:

In a scene that will surely give the Lost producers too many ideas, all sixteen of the babies who played Aaron on the show's fourth season reunited in one place for a celebratory Hawaiian picnic this past weekend. Like a good episode of the adventure serial, it was packed with confusing revelations — namely, that thirteen of those boy-playing babies were actually girls! What could that possibly mean? Is Aaron a girl? A hermaphrodite? Did he/she commandeer the Black Rock and build the four-toed statue??? WAAAAALT!

Ohhh Lost scoop. Two new characters (yes! more!) named Caesar (like Planet of the Apes, Doc Jensen guess) and Illana. Both are dangerous. WHEN IS FEBRUARY? [EW]

Star editor-at-large Julia Allison needs your help. Her pal, heiress Meghan Asha, absentmindedly left Julia's external hard drive on the subway on Friday, perhaps lost forever in the dank bowels of NYC. Upon said hard drive was "every video I've ever taken (as well as every photo before 2006) … and no back up. None. Everything gone … literally hundreds of videos and photos, every family event, every birthday, every lip dub I never posted, every sex tape (kidding) … gone. I was in shock the entire day - I've always been the scrapbook-kind-of-girl, and memories (if you haven't noticed) are incredibly important to me." What can you do?

[Photo Credit: X17]

Harold Perrineau, who plays (/played) constantly child-losing Michael on ABC's great big mystery machine Lost, was not happy with his character's demise on last week's season finale. "I was disappointed more than anything, like the fans were disappointed. Like I think the fans were disappointed," he recently told Entertainment Weekly. And he's not exactly wrong. Michael was never my favorite character (was he anyone's?) but his return and then subsequent dismissal felt a bit rushed, much like the too-quick (especially for Libby) arc of the second group of crash survivors known as the "Tailies," two of whom Michael himself handily dispatched. Of course, ol' "Where's My Boy???" will probably be back as a ghost, maybe to do a sad, ethereal waltz with Libby. Oh, and Perrineau's upset about the race thing, too. [EW.com]

Mythbusters co-host and explosives geek Adam Savage chimes in with his review of the Lost season finale. "First things first: the explosives. We blow a lot of things up on MythBusters, so I know from experience that last night Lost missed the mark. The 500 pounds of C4, that whole movie thing about "dummy triggers" and fake tripwires-it's all a load of crap. Nobody does that. At least that's what my friends at the FBI tell me." I've never seen the show, but what comes next sounds like spoilers.

· From clingy dresses to canine masturbation, from mean-spirited reviews to disappointed Cosmo swillers doling out handjobs, we found ourselves oversexed in our city.
· The same cannot be said for Clay Aiken — he's pregnant!
· We were accused of being part of an "extraordinary smear campaign" after passing along a tip about Dan Aloni's alleged angry outburst on the Fox lot.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to two lovely, genetically perfect children named Isla Marcheline and Amelie Jane. Wait, no she didn't. That left Entertainment Tonight paying the ultimate price.
· George Clooney bought Sarah Larson a one way ticket to Dumpsville.
· Lindsay Lohan's lesbian love was generously endorsed by Michael Lohan.
· Ben Silverman forgot to sync his Blackberry, enraging Ari Emmanuel [sic].
· We found out Kirsten Dunst wasn't drunk or drugged, just depressed. Then her pants caught fire.
· Sharon Stone got bit by the karma chameleon.
· The season finale of 'Lost' left us all wondering who's in the casket? Hint: he feels good!
· 50 Cent pulled a Left Eye (allegedly).
· We saved you $150K.
· Rachel [sic] Ray was in hot pursuit of extra virgins in the afterlife.
· We wept a little on the inside when Bill Murray's halo was tarnished.
· The End Of Ideas train kept plowing forward, picking up motormouth cops and ouija boards along the way.
· ScarJo CloneGate!
· We paid tribute to the dearly departed Sydney Pollack and Harley Korman (and angered a number of humor-challenged readers along the way).
· The next time we end up drunk in Tijuana, we are definitely getting that Patrick Swayze Centaur tattoo.