Critic and scholar Frank Kermode has died at 90. Read some excerpts here, and essays here.

What do you listen to when you have sex? You should be putting on this new new MP3 version of Indian sex manual the Kama Sutra, narrated by British actress Tanya Franks (pictured). Well, that, or Sade. [Guardian]

Looking for something new to read? Why not one of the 14 13 books on the "longlist" for the prestigious Man Booker Prize for fiction? Some of them probably even have sex scenes!

Gary Shteyngart: "American fiction is good. It would be nice if somebody read it."

Though we have recently been ensconced in a blissful, months-long "No Tucker Max News to Report" period, it appears that our peace shall soon be shattered: our "favorite" "person" (Tucker Max) has a new book coming out. With words!

To our dismay, unrepentant sock puppet Lee Siegel's column today about the preposterous fallacy of some imaginary golden age of sex is quite good, except when he refers to his own penis. Imagine: a sock puppet penis. Imagine it. [NYO]

By this afternoon, the UPS guy should have delivered each of you your pre-ordered copies of Glenn Beck's exciting new novel, The Overton Window, a scary-looking "faction" thriller. You've already bought it, but still, how are the reviews?

Brit scenester queen and amateur porn-poser Peaches Geldof doesn't understand why everyone thinks she's writing a book of short stories for children. She is writing a book of short stories, yes. But who added "for children"?

At long last details about the Fox News rage potato's mysterious new thriller novel, The Overton Window, have been revealed. We have a plot summary! Predictably, it's American scare mongering about secret Freedoms Robbers and dangerous radical (read: liberal) plots.

The Russian prosecutor general's office has found that Scientology texts undermine "the traditional spiritual values of the citizens of the Russian Federation." Probably the prosector general just needs a FREE STRESS TEST. [The Moscow Times]

Noted novelist Glenn Beck has finished his latest work, a thriller called The Overton Window, and he's asking fans to pick the cover. Once choice features a girl Statue of Liberty, and another features a boy Statue of Liberty. Weird.

Post-Atonement Ian McEwan wrote a satirical global-warming thriller wherein a man tries to pee outdoors in -26F Norway, then experiences shrinkage so severe his dick turns into a frosty popsicle, cracks, and slips out the leg of his pants.

This "niche fiction meets stuffy history" trend is getting inscrutable. Seth Grahame-Smith, who introduced us to Mr. Darcy's appetite for human brains, returns with news that Abraham Lincoln juggled the Civil War with a war against pointy-toothed victims of anemia.

Important grammar news via press release! There is now a punctuation mark to indicate sarcasm. You can purchase SarcMark© software, to boldly indicate when you're being less than serious. Luckily, our readers always pick up on sarcasm right away.

"The job outlook for graduate students in language and literature is..." That's as far as you have to read before you stop and laugh ruefully at the carnage sure to come.

No, we have not read Sarah Palin's new book, Goin' Rogue. But we can say with some authority that it is the most moving and affecting memoir published in the English language since Speak, Memory.

The amazing process of creating the marketing phrase "Strawberry Flavored Juice Drink Blend."

Sarah Palin received at least $1.25 million to write her chapter book, Goin' Rogue, Also: An American Tail. If that is it, it is much less than Tina Fey got, which is amusing.

Weep for literary culture. After Salman Rushdie's ex-girlfriend accused him of still pining for his ex-wife Padma Lakshmi in Page Six yesterday, Rushdie has responded in kind today. We are all trapped in the eighth grade, which never ends.

Oh, god, Sarah Palin named her terrible book Going Rogue. She literally did this thing. It is a reference to when she lost the election for John McCain.