Click to viewThis is why people love Apple executive turned venture capitalist Guy Kawasaki, whether or not he knows what he's talking about. At a Commonwealth Club event, Kawasaki was asked about his insanely popular "Ten Ways to use LinkedIn." Watch him squirm for a minute before 'fessing up: LinkedIn flack Kay Luo provided Guy with his talking points for the post. "I really needed a post — it was four days!" Guy, next time feel free to raid our inbox. We get more helpfully-already-written posts than we'd ever imagined possible.

Reid Hoffman's heft regularly makes reporters turn to their thesauri for polite terms for "fat." BusinessWeek, to keep the tone of a new profile appropriately flattering, writes of his "expansive body." But the article is anything but expansive in its probing of LinkedIn's business. It focuses instead on how Hoffman is trying to figure out survival strategies for his portfolio of startups. Nowhere are LinkedIn's own layoffs mentioned. Instead, Hoffman implies that the employees he put out on the street should use the site to seek new careers: "Every individual is a small business." Not an expansive one.

♦ The Bank of England slashed its key interest rate to 3 percent. And it may go even lower. [Marketwatch]
♦ The short list for Treasury Secretary: Larry Summers, Tim Geithner, Paul Volcker, and Bob Rubin. [WSJ]
♦ Steve Schwarzman's Blackstone Group reported a $502.5 million loss for the third quarter. [DB]
♦ More chatter about falling bonuses: One study says the drop could be 20 and 35 percent on average with a 70 percent fall-off for some top execs. [NYT]

LinkedIn, the richly funded business-networking website, is indeed laying employees off today. (No numbers available yet; if you know more details, please send them in.) But we know of at least one person who's skipping sticking around for the cuts: Reid Hoffman, the company's chairman and cofounder. He's in Japan, speaking at a conference. A convenient absence. Hoffman is described by his underlings as generous and kind, but we hear he didn't oppose the layoffs. We also notice he wasn't kind-hearted enough to cancel his trip and console his employees in person. Update: We're now told Hoffman did cancel his trip to Japan for the conference, at the last minute.

A tipster reports high drama at LinkedIn, the business-networking site. The company is funded in part by Sequoia Capital, the Valley's new high priests of doom and gloom — and, our source claims, Sequoia has told all of its portfolio companies to cut costs by 10 percent. LinkedIn's big-hearted chairman, Reid Hoffman (shown here), reportedly doesn't want to lay people off, but he and CEO Dan Nye are said to be engaged in a power struggle over this and other issues. Layoffs could come today — possibly an exercise in cleaning house rather than a reaction to the economy, though we hear LinkedIn has been missing financial milestones. Here's the tip:

The old way to tell you're about to be fired: Your boss comes up to you, claps you on the shoulder, and acts all chummy. The new way to tell you're about to be fired: Your boss leaves a glowing recommendation for you. Revision3's Damon Berger got one from CEO Jim Louderback five days before he was laid off from the online-video startup. Damon, you should have gotten a clue when Louderback wrote that you could be "a great front-person for any organization."

Conventional Valley wisdom: The chaos in the public stock markets won't affect private companies, right? Wrong. In August, LinkedIn had set plans to let employees sell some of their shares to investors. Interest in the company had been keen, given its stated plans to wait to IPO rather than sell out. But the stock-sale plan was conditioned on the Nasdaq index staying above a certain level. It has since fallen through that floor, meaning employees will no longer be able to sell their shares. And we hear Bain Capital, a major LinkedIn investor who's backing the stock-sales plan, has the right to walk away if the Nasdaq doesn't recover by mid-October.

A correction on our previous post about LinkedIn's financial woes: Contrary to our tipster's assertions, plenty of LinkedIn employees use the company-provided shuttle bus from San Francisco to Mountain View. The bus even has its own Twitter account. That account is private — but it links to a public, annotated route map on Google Maps. CEO Dan Nye and marketing VP Patrick Crane, among others, have their home addresses listed. Other employees have left notes, in plain view, about their commuting preferences. "Your privacy is our top concern," LinkedIn's privacy policy states. But if the company is so slapdash about guarding its own employees, can it really be trusted to protect users? Here's an embedded version of the map:Click to view
View larger map

A LinkedIn tipster tells us that even as the all-business social network raised $53 million from Bain Capital and other investors in June, at a $1 billion valuation, it sought to pull in another $25 million from Goldman Sachs and failed. More damningly, he claims that CEO Dan Nye lied on-air when he told Fox Business earlier this summer that the company is profitable. Inside the company, it's known that LinkedIn has "now missed every financial objective set by Bain Capital after investing in us." The missed targets are not a secret, the tipster tells us, because paranoid managers spend a lot of time blaming each other in front of the minions. "It's a shame, "our tipster writes, "because it was a good company before it became so full of false confidence that it passed on the window of opportunity that was there to sell for good money." The best bit: LinkedIn now has its own commuter bus, like Google and Yahoo, running from San Francisco; it's not widely used by employees, so some joke that the bus exists so managers can throw colleagues under it. The full rant:

A senior chip design manager from PA Semi, Wei-han Lien, let a little light shine on Apple's plans for future generations of the iPhone and iPod by listing "Manage ARM CPU architecture team for iPhone" as his current gig on LinkedIn (Lien's profile has since been scrubbed from the site). CEO Steve Jobs had already let it be known that new Apple subsidiary would be working on chips for the popular mobile devices, and now we know that they will be basing designs on the same ARM architecture that Samsung licensed for the current batch, though with Apple's own proprietary improvements. PA Semi was known for crafting highly efficient, low-power chips. Other features, such as graphics and video processing and multi-touch controls, can also be embedded directly in CPU. Tighter integration with the surrounding electronics in the entire chipset can also be achieved with a custom design. As for PA Semi's role in supplying defense contractors with the company's famously efficient designs, not to worry — a contractor says he'll be able to provision chips popular in military applications for "four to five years."

LinkedIn's jobs page gives off the impression that life at the business-networking website is one nonstop Rock Band jam session. But a clearly disgruntled, entertainingly foulmouthed tipster says that backbiting is the real office entertainment of choice. The company's operations department is "like a fucking morgue" after a "housecleaning," he says. Lloyd Taylor, the company's vice president of technical operations, a splashy hire from Google last year, seems to have generated more than his fair share of complaints. In company meetings, CEO Dan Nye and founder Reid Hoffman describe the ruckus as "culture changes." Embarrassingly for a company which says it helps employers vet job candidates and is trying to break into the recruiting business, these problems sound less like culture clashes and more like plain old bad hires. The tip:

LinkedIn Demographic Data Jun08Click to viewBusiness networking site LinkedIn launched an online ad network today. The world doesn't need another online-ad network, which offers repackaged ad views from multiple websites, sold as a single buy to advertisers. There are already 300 or so. But LinkedIn may prove a survivor when the ad-network bubble bursts.

A tipster's discovered Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin's LinkedIn profile and handily pointed out the poor intern who had to put it together's typos. Surprised anyone bothered to find it? Don't be. According to Google Trends, Sarah Palin gets more search queries than either of the two men at the top of the tickets. Probably doesn't hurt that Google counts what Hitwise says are the very many searches for "Sarah Palin Vogue Magazine," "Sarah Palin Photos," "Sarah Palin Bikini Photos," "Sarah Palin Nude," and "Sarah Palin Naked." With his strong cheek bones and steely-eyed stare, John McCain is a very handsome man, but not many of us need to see him naked. The Internet's obsession for Sarah Palin, according to the Google Trends chart below, seems to know no bounds.

At a recent company meeting, management told LinkedIn employees they would soon be allowed to sell as much as 20 percent of their vested options at a $500 million valuation. Word leaked yesterday that Facebook plans to allow its employees to do the same. Both LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman and Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg want to take their companies public — and thereby get their employees paid — but it won't happen soon. LinkedIn expects to earn about $100 million in 2008, but VentureBeat reports that bankers want to see that number hit $200 million before bothering to file papers. The public markets aren't hungry enough for anything less. In July, only 56 companies went public, raising $5.6 billion in their IPOs. During the same month last year, 190 companies raised $31.7 billion on their initial foray into the public markets.

In today's Los Angeles Times, reporter Jessica Guynn calls LinkedIn founder, Facebook investor and PayPal veteran Reid Hoffman "Silicon Valley's biggest social networker." Guynn means that just the way you'd think, reporting that Hoffman gains about 10 pounds per year, refuses to see a trainer and "doesn't step on scales." Some might deem Guynn's language rude, but since Hoffman's unhealthy-seeming weight is exactly the kind of thing everyone in the Valley won't admit they talk about, we're rather glad she called attention to it. Fortunately for Hoffman, Persai cofounder Ted Dziuba is ready with an intervention. Lately, Dziuba's been writing servicey items about coder life on TedDziuba.com instead of eviscerating TechCrunch-covered startups on Uncov. A recent post is perfect for the rotund Hoffman. But at 725 words, "An engineer's guide to weight loss," the busy Hoffman will never take the time to read it. Below, a slimmer, 100-word version Hoffman can squeeze into his schedule.

Tech companies like to babble about openness and transparency. But try finding an engineer's phone number. Standard procedure is to hide company telephone and email directories from external eyeballs, lest a recruiter — or, more annoyingly, a reporter — use the phone list to cold-call staffers. One shining exception: IBM, the world's largest IT employer, with nearly 400,000 people on board in at least 90 countries. Why would the company publish its entire directory and risk attack from headhunters and snoops? Because in 2008 IBM doesn't sell servers, it leases brains. Customers don't want to submit a request to a faceless feedback form and hope the right person at the world's biggest, sprawlingest tech company sees it. I'm sure there was a fight over the decision. But they finally faced the truth: We already hunt their employees down on Blogger and LinkedIn.

You'd think LinkedIn management, which has made no secret of its plans to take its automated schmoozefest public, would be trying to avoid trouble with the Securities and Exchange Commission. Not so. They're aggressively marketing the company's latest moneymaking scheme, LinkedIn Research, to hedge fund managers. The premise: Traders can use LinkedIn to find "experts" with "unique input" on public companies in their portfolio. What LinkedIn marketers delicately phrase as "input," SEC investigators might well call "inside information." And the only thing actionable about the whole affair might be the insider-trading charges that result.

"We think we could go public on our numbers," LInkedIn founder Reid Hoffman tells Tech Ticker's Sarah Lacy in a video interview (excerpted below). But the company, which just raised $53 million, won't IPO because it would rather reinvest its profits and because the U.S. public markets are too turbulent right now. Hoffman says LinkedIn will use the money in part to buy "good, small tech teams." In the clip, Hoffman says the race with Facebook toward an IPO isn't much of a race. It's more like, "No, you go first," he explains. Hoffman and his handpicked CEO, Dan Nye, shouldn't grow too cautious. Hoffman himself helped PayPal go public during the last downturn, so he knows a strong company can thrive in a poor market. But more importantly, for a professional's social network like LinkedIn, we can't imagine much better free marketing than the nonstop coverage CNBC would give consumer tech's first major IPO in years.

LinkedIn's $1 billion valuation certainly seems low only when compared to the stratospheric $15 billion Facebook is worth on paper. One reason why is because, frankly, college kids are sexy — as the VCs in the announcement infomercial prove irrefutably, business professional who use LinkedIn are not. So if you're going to announce a new round of venture capital with a video on YouTube, why not make it a music video? The kids love music videos. Hence, Valleywag presents "The Upside" featuring Jeffrey "Sand Hizzy" Glass, David "D-Cup" Sze, David "Dollar Billz" Cowan and Mark "Make Money" Kvamme over beats from EPMD. Recognize.