• Matt Lauer's "deer incident" won't keep him down for long. He's reportedly in "good spirits" after undergoing surgery yesterday to repair a separated shoulder and will be back to work in a few days. [Star]
• How did Bruce Willis meet his new wife, Emma Heming? He picked her out during a casting call, just like any normal person. [P6]
• Lindsay Lohan is sick of "people telling lies" about her since she's "really a good person" who just wants to put in a honest day's work. Got that? Good. [People, Us]
• Barbara Walters is planning to quit ABC in the near future so she can "spend more time with her boyfriend, Dr. Robert Butler." Or at least that's what "industry insiders" are telling the Enquirer. [NE]
• The cutbacks at Condé Nast continue: Editors like David Remnick and Ruth Reichl have been forced to take the subway! [NYP]

Lindsay Lohan is having money trouble, at least according to unnamed friends of the starlet who tell the Daily News today that Lindsay is "living on credit right now" since "she has no cash," and is supporting herself thanks to Sam Ronson. Her financial predicament isn't because she's turning down cheesy commercials (as this Italian spot makes clear), or because she has any issue with slapping her name on any number of products, like leggings or spray-on tanner. Just in case that isn't clear, look no further than former nightlife promoter-turned-entertainment marketer Mike Heller, who was profiled over the weekend in amNew York and who has been working with Lohan to "exploit" her "brand."

Because they're lesbians. No, seriously, that is why both the famous actress and the famous photographer are FLAT BROKE. Because of godless girl-love. Also, Matt Lauer ran into a deer.

• Lindsay Lohan is reportedly moving into a temporary "therapeutic environment" run by Stephen and Daniel Baldwin, where she can "go to work and meetings," and "remove the negative influences in her life." Sounds like the basis for a great sitcom, too. [Fox 411]
• Holly Peterson—socialite, daughter of billionaire Pete Peterson, and author of The Manny—is calling it quits with her husband of 15 years, Goldman Sachs exec Richard Kimball Jr. [P6]
• Whitney Port and actor Robert Buckley hooked up at a party in Miami and were later spotted "making out at Nobu." [P6, OK!, E!]
• Fashion editors: They're just like us! Vogue's Andre Leon Talley was spotted "chowing down on chimichangas at Chili's" at LAX on Tuesday night. [P6]

• Following conflicting news reports, it now appears that Natasha Richardson was pronounced brain dead sometime yesterday following her skiing accident in Canada on Monday. She's now reported to be at Lenox Hill on the Upper East Side, where her family members have gathered to hold a vigil and say goodbye. [NYP, People, NYT]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown might be "taking a break," although neither one says it's a "formal breakup," whatever that means. [E!]
• Lindsay Lohan's driver crashed her SUV into a wall outside the Mondrian Hotel in Los Angeles at 3:30 am Tuesday morning. [E!]
• Graydon Carter has already started inviting friends to visit Monkey Bar, the restaurant he's opening on East 54th Street. [P6]
• Just what the world needs: Justin Timberlake recently returned from Mexico, where he's been working on launching his own brand of tequila. [P6]

• Carson Daly has two reasons to get wasted today: It's St. Patrick's Day, of course. Plus he and his girlfriend Siri Pinter are new parents, too. [People]
• Jon Stewart's secret weapon in his rumble with Jim Cramer last week? His brother, Larry Leibowitz, is a senior exec at NYSE Euronext. [P6]
• A judge recalled Lindsay Lohan's arrest warrant yesterday after seeing the proof that she hadn't stopped attending a court-ordered alcohol education class after all. Also: She hasn't checked into rehab again despite reports to the contrary. Not yet, at least. [NYDN, OK!]
• Natasha Richardson was hospitalized yesterday and is now in critical condition after a skiing accident in Montreal. [People]

These days, ruined neocon actors scrounge for roles while Nancy Pelosi sings hippie drug songs in respected theaters and the liberal media elites run off to Canada to fornicate in public.

• The 2009 CFDA Award nominees were announced this evening. [WWD]
• Following months of speculation, it's official: Olivier Theyskens (left) has parted ways with the house of Nina Ricci. [WWD]
• Depressed? "In times of trouble, pink is the shopper's comfort color." [NYT]
• Katie Holmes is starting up a kids clothing line, it seems. [Racked]
• Is Marc Jacobs getting married later this year? Possibly! [FWD]
• The times they are a-changin': Beyoncé appears on the new cover of Vogue, which means the mag has featured black women two issues in a row. [NYM]
• Karen Elson stars in Agent Provocateur's new spring campaign. [Pipeline]
• LiLo's spray-on tanner actually works, you may be surprised to hear. [NYDN]
• A look inside the new Armani flagship on Fifth Ave. [Racked]
• Claudia Schiffer has such a huge clothing collection, she converted a climate-controlled helicopter hanger into a giant closet. Naturally. [Daily Mail]

• Lindsay Lohan certainly had an eventful weekend. After a judge issued a warrant for her arrest on Friday, Lindsay had a meltdown on Twitter and ended up in a fight with Sam Ronson that was so intense, the cops had to be called. It's not over yet: She's scheduled to appear in court today, although she may not show. [People, Gawker, TMZ, NYP]
• Olivia Palermo isn't making friends in her Tribeca apartment building. She strutted past the people gathered in the lobby last Thursday "completely oblivious" to the fact that one of the building's apartments was on fire. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow and her trainer Tracy Anderson are having trouble finding people to pay $4,500 to join their new Tribeca gym. What a surprise. [P6]

An email landed in our inbox this morning from a person who has access Lindsay Lohan's Twitter account, sevinnyne. He had screen-captured some of the craziest ones. They are below.

Sunday morning brings the dawn in. I've got a restless feeling by my side. Oh, halo. It's the tabloids! Today, Lauren Conrad makes some unwise choices and Mr. Lohan makes an unwanted appearance. Read on.

There is a warrant out for the muff-diving drunk-driving star of I Know Who Killed Me Lindsay Lohan. The warrant was issued by the LAPD last night but need Lohan be worried?

• Did Kelly Killoren Bensimon ask her boyfriend to lie about getting beat up so she could use it as a PR ploy to "better her chances of being asked back" on Real Housewives next season? That's what her bitchy co-stars are saying as part of a PR ploy to get the attention turned back on themselves. [NYDN]
• Estée Lauder CEO William Lauder is being sued by Taylor Stein, who gave birth to his baby in 2007, for stopping child support payments. [P6]
• In an interview with Matt Lauer, Michael Phelps says he made a "bad mistake" in South Carolina, although he's still not saying what this mistake was. [People]
• Lindsay Lohan has settled the lawsuit filed by a woman whose $11,000 coat LiLo took from 1OAK last year. Also: She left her poor bodyguard stranded in Las Vegas earlier this week. [P6, P6]

It's Friday, how about some reconciliation? Lindsay Lohan finally resolved that little problem of being photographed in someone else's missing fur coat, and Chris Brown and Rihanna completed an inspiring duet.

• What's Ashley Dupre been up to recently? She's been doing lots of yoga, which she credits with saving her life. And it also introduced her to Russell Simmons, who is now her "mentor" and is making her feel more "liberated." Is that the term they use these days? [P6]
• LiLo and Sam Ronson got in another fight outside a club. This one was caught on tape, however. [TMZ]
• Rumor has it Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel may be engaged. [NYDN]
• Breaking! George Clooney got drunk at a bar St. Louis last weekend. [NYDN]

• Lindsay Lohan's self-tanning mist, Sevin Nyne, launches on April 15. And she even has an elaborate website set up to mark the big occasion. [NYM]
• Kanye, Pink, and Salma all turned out for the Stella McCartney show today. Kanye likes his coffee with "mad cream and sugar," on the off chance you were wondering. [WSJ, Telegraph, Fashionista]
• Quelle horreur! PETA activists tore Carine Roitfeld's Balenciaga gown outside the JPG show! [SF]
• Karl Lagerfeld's Chanel show takes place tomorrow. And everyone will be there, naturally. [NYT, Grazia]
• Yves Saint Laurent has turned its first profit in a decade. [FT]
• Reviews of some of the other shows at Paris Fashion Week. [NYT]
• It's looking likely that Peter Copping will take over at Nina Ricci. [Fashionista]
• Kate Moss will be in NYC for Topshop's opening on April 2. [DM]
• Conspicuous consumption is no longer cool, reports the Times, in the event you've missed the 2,243 articles on the same subject up 'til now. [NYT]

Peaches Geldof just made headlines in the London tabloids for announcing on Facebook she has "married" her lady DJ friend. It's a joke/publicity stunt, of course, but it did get us thinking:

• It was clear that Michael Wolff was a bad husband and a bad boss. But now it looks like he's a lousy son, too. Wolff is being sued by his poor 85-year-old mother-in-law for trying to evict her from her one-bedroom apartment so he could sell it and collect a profit. [P6]
• Chris Brown appeared in court yesterday and was charged with assault and making criminal threats. He faces four years in state prison if convicted. [NYP, Us]
• Marc Anthony touched the leg of a woman other than JLo, which means he was either "flirting with danger" or just being nice to a "longtime friend." [Star]
• Just another typical Friday: Amy Winehouse has been charged with assault for punching a fan last year. [Reuters]

Today we visit a bizarre parallel universe where Tom Cruise is president, Lindsay Lohan is showered with gifts and honors and Oscar-winner are expected to be humble.

• Whoops! Jeremy Piven was seen eating a mercury-laden plate of tuna tartare and calamari salad last weekend, although his publicist is now denying the account. [MSNBC]
• "Insiders" say that Ivana Trump and Rossano Rubicondi did not, in fact, marry because they were hopelessly in love, but because it was all part of a deal to stir up some publicity and the two even had a contract drawn up. Our faith in romance has been crushed! [NYDN]
• How did the press know Chris Brown was in Miami with Rihanna last weekend? He told them so, silly. In related news, Rihanna is reportedly refusing to testify against him (even though prosecutors plan to move forward). And Brown is scheduled to be arraigned today, although it's unclear if he'll make a courthouse appearance. [P6, NYP, People]
• Jeff Toobin changed his Facebook status to "Married" yesterday. That'll clear everything up! [P6]