Lindsay Lohan proclaimed herself "a bit of a narcissist" on the season finale of her OWN show Lindsay last night, and yet that show was too ugly even for her to stomach. Before a single episode of the show had aired, Lohan intimated to Jimmy Fallon that Lindsay presented a distorted view of her life, in its portrayal of her move from L.A. to New York. (She also intimated that she wasn't reprimanded by her boss, Oprah Winfrey, which she was, so perhaps Lohan has a distorted view of her own distortion).

Last night's Lindsay showed all that goes into a celebrity club-hosting gig: getting ready, walking on a red carpet, standing around, taking selfie pics with fans, and speaking on a mic for a bit. For this — a total of two hours of her time — Lindsay Lohan was paid $100,000. She still managed to fuck it up, arriving late and then causing grumbling about the time she spent on the red carpet.

In this astounding clip from last night's Lindsay, the titular ne'er-do-well bristles when her life coach brings up sobriety. (I will never tire of reminding people that said life coach, AJ Johnson, played Sharane in House Party.) In fact, Lohan is pissed that Johnson is bringing this up on camera, saying, "This is something I don't feel comfortable discussing on camera, and I thought you, as my friend, of all people would tell me in private." And then she reiterates: "I'm just a little bit offended at the fact that we've had a personal relationship off camera, and it's something that you're throwing at me on camera. I would have appreciated you saying it to me one-on-one first."

Last night on Lindsay Lohan's reality show, Lindsay, the flailing actress shared her frustration over her reputation for being an unreliable brat. That reputation has led to a lack of employment (hence the reality show). Funny that, because she shared said frustration on the very show that she started flaking on (attempting to cancel shoots, etc.), necessitating a stern talking-to from Oprah Winfrey just last week. Will she ever learn?

The moment those of us who still care enough to watch Lindsay Lohan's reality show have been waiting for has arrived: Oprah has swooped in to save the day.

Lindsay Lohan was chainsmoking and braless for much of last night's premeire of her OWN reality show, Lindsay. So that's kinda fun. The show documented her move from Los Angeles to New York and, as she told Jimmy Fallon last week, her life's resulting chaos.

Lindsay Lohan's OWN "docu-series" Lindsay doesn't start airing until Sunday, but she already sounds like a seasoned reality TV vet. On last night's Tonight Show starring Jimmy Fallon, she explained away her seeming messiness in the show's trailer by saying:

Every now and then, Lindsay Lohan falls apart, and this time the Oprah Winfrey Network's cameras were there to catch it. Lohan's reality show, Lindsay, debuts on OWN on Sunday, and via this extended first look, seems to include all the chaos that Lindsay wanted us to believe she was through with (a fight with dad, awkward and suffocating hugs from mom, lateness, flaking, a possible breach of her sobriety, etc.).

Saturday gossip round up is here! Charlie Sheen's show takes a dive after some promising developments. Nicole Richie is sick of your pregnancy rumors. Gucci Mane is arrested for throwing a woman out of a car. Let's go.

Heidi Montag is slagged off by Andy Cohen; the Playboy Mansion sickens dozens, while Levi Johnston's sister announces her intention to pose in the magazine. The precipitating factors ofPete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson's divorce become clear. Chaos reigns in Saturday's gossip roundup.

Snooki's new boyfriend is a menace! Chris Brown loses again. Wanna know what it's like to do a sex scene with George Clooney? Hailey Glassman wants a job. Lilo wants a role. Saturday's Gossip Roundup wants a piece of toast.

Today at Gawker.TV, John Stamos drops by Entourage to play some ping pong, Kim Kardashian tells her sister Kourtney she's "like a single mom," Mad Men is back, and The Soup tears apart last week's news coverage about Lindsay Lohan.

Lindsay Lohan's sentence has been reduced again: She'll get out two days earlier than expected.

She's 16 in the video; the guy is 44. Lil' Wayne gets caught with prison contraband. Tyra picks a fight with Palin. Leonardo DiCaprio is mistaken for a normal person. Ian McKellen is mistaken for a beggar. Wednesday gossip arrives.

[Lindsay Lohan shopping at Blue & Cream yesterday; image via INF]

• Nearly three years ago, Lindsay Lohan scrawled "Scarlett [Johansson] is a bloody cunt" on a bathroom wall at the Dark Room on the Lower East Side. Allure finally asked Johansson about the incident: "I don't know what the motivation was behind that. I remember it was something really vulgar—I mean, shockingly so, like 'Whoa, what, who are you?'"

• Madonna has her own Kabbalah counselor on staff to help her deal with her anger at soon-to-be-ex husband Guy Ritchie, who is just a terrible gold digger or something. A gold-digging famous movie director who hangs out with Jude Law and Robert Downey Jr. It's sad, really.

While on the set of Labor Pains, Cheryl Hines wanted the paparazzi to know that there are other people in the movie besides Lindsay Lohan. Hines thought it would be nice if the photographers could expand their photographic horizons and take pictures of other people on set, too. Hines explained that she understands that Lohan is bit of a financial rainmaker for people, but she felt it would be nice if they took her photo from time to time. Hines enjoys having proof to show friends and family that she's working on a fairly regular basis.

We've long felt that the only thing standing between extravagantly talented actress and criminally mislabeled "party girl" Lindsay Lohan and a record-setting string of Oscar wins is the ongoing and coordinated efforts of the tabloid media to destroy her once-unimpeachable artistic credibility; for example, had the press not developed an untoward fixation with the sudden shrinkage and then re-bazooming of her her breasts, her subtle work in Herbie: Fully Loaded almost certainly would have received the awards attention it deserved. Lohan confirms our theory about the media's frustrating interference with her professional development: