16-year-old mystic Jaden Smith released a song on Soundcloud last night called "Blue Ocean" and, well, it's very Jaden Smith. Like, "Everybody knows I'm a ghost but I can still dream"-level Jaden Smith. The Jaden Smith alert level is definitely at red (the color of the pyramids on Mars).

As Diane Sawyer would say, "People around the world diiiiiiiiiiie—literally, die" for the right to vote. How do some Americans choose to wield this power so many have sacrificed their lives to obtain? By voting for Santa Claus. Or Mickey Mouse. Or a Korean-pop dance style that mimics a constipated jockey riding a horse.

You may have noticed that "Got AIDS" is now trending on Twitter. That's because Berkeley rapper Lil B—who is either the Wesley Willis or the Andy Kaufman of hip-hop—just released a track called "I Got AIDS (AIDS Awareness Song)."

Amy Winehouse's website falls at the hands of race-obsessed Lil' B fans. Lindsay Lohan blames "pyschotic paparazzi" for her woes. A teen idol confesses to doing blow with Michael Jackson. TGIFriday gossip.

Without a doubt, this year's earliest contender for song of the summer is "Gucci Gucci" by 21-year-old Oakland artist Kreayshawn. Though no one had heard of her a few months ago, she's now on pace to succeed Ke$ha as the foremost white female rapper in popular music.

An unfamiliar word fills the air, befuddling the olds: "swag." But what does the slang term mean, and where does it come from? Best learn the meaning of "swag," old person, before you are sent off to the cultural death panel.