Certain things cannot be borne. There are limits to what the people will put up with from its news outlets, and the Times' recent attempt to trick us all into eating celery goes beyond the confines of human decency.

Cedarville University is a Baptist college in Ohio with 3,000 students. The campus is currently engulfed in a minor uproar over the way it's enforcing its ideological beliefs. Let's take this opportunity to gape and marvel at what some people who run educational institutions actually believe to be true.

This has been a fantastic week for media outrage, especially on Twitter. On Monday, a pro-Scientology ad in the Atlantic that was mocked up to faintly resemble an article generated hours of castigating tweets and countless op-eds. Then, last night, Deadspin broke the story of Notre Dame star linebacker Manti Te'o and the girlfriend who doesn't exist.

Did you know that the Girl Scouts, America's rag-tag crème puff children's militia, are rolling out a new cookie this year?

Actor and profesional crazy person Charlie Sheen recently hosted the opening of his new bar in the El Ganzo hotel in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico. The mayor of Los Angeles, Antonio Villaraigosa, was on hand to watch Slash perform. What a party!

In the New York Times today, Somini Sengupta explores the widespread epidemic of people posting things on Facebook that are not true. Yes—we're as shocked as you. False identities flourish on Facebook's lawless frontier. Thankfully, at least one fraudulent perpetrator may now be brought to justice.

The ascent of Twitter has been wonderful for the democratization and quickening of news and information. A few decades ago, it might take days for a person in California to see pictures of a disaster that took place in New York. Today, all a person needs is a smartphone and an internet connection and, with Twitter, they can be their own photojournalist, updating the site's millions of global users with up-to-the-minute images of events like Hurricane Sandy.

Have you ever baked your phone into a dessert? Lost it up a cow's butthole? Dropped it off the side of a cruise ship while recreating the "I'm King of the World!" scene from Titanic with a guy you met in the buffet line?

"Look. 'Foodie' is not a word," says America's former Foodie in Chief.

Typical Florida political story of the day: an answering machine captured a call (embedded below) from a volunteer with the Republican Party of Clay County, FL, who was reaching out to potential voters with several important lies about the upcoming presidential election.

Notable gasbag Newt Gingrich is still making noise, most recently in support of Missouri Senate candidate Todd "legitimate rape" Akin.

Married 43 year-old Navy nuclear submarine commander Michael Ward was having a little affair with a younger woman that he met online. These situations are a bit tricky to navigate, as you can imagine. How did Michael Ward extricate himself from it, when he was ready to end the affair? The old fashioned way: he "sent his mistress an email from a fictitious person named Bob in July, posing as a co-worker and saying that Ward had died unexpectedly."

What is wrong with fitness infomercial "after" model Paul Ryan? Not only did the Republican vice presidential candidate claim to have a run a marathon in less than three hours — a lie for which he got busted, and bodied, by Runner's World — he's also claimed to have "made close to 40 climbs of Colorado's 'Fourteeners' (14,000-foot peaks)." Which he almost certainly hasn't. (Or maybe? See update.)

Republican vice presidential candidate and fitness enthusiast Paul Ryan has been caught in a lie that could destroy his political career.

We've heard a lot from the liberal press and so-called "fact checkers" — more like "fact chokers," am I right? — about the supposed "misleading statements" and "hypocrisies" and "outright lies" in Republican vice presidential candidate Paul Ryan's big convention speech last night. But why won't the mainstream media report on the many different things Ryan said that were inarguably true? We've put the Gawker Fact Checking Team on the case and collected all seven of Ryan's true statements right here:

A vast new survey has found that school in America is far too easy, according to America's students, who are unable to pass tests indicating minimal competence in school.

The Fox News wing of the Republican Party (which is to say, the Republican Party), has concluded that Barack Obama is a 21st Century Richard Nixon because he conjured a dreaded, wicked trick called executive privilege to cover up his manifest crimes. Hey, only Republicans are allowed to do that!

On the mean streets of the gritty city, nothing is as it seems. The welcoming avenues of beautiful Brooklyn host a barely-concealed ecosystem of predators, ready to attack any sign of weakness. The Brooklyn Paper's police blotter offers us the grimmest of lessons, that we may not need to learn the hard way.

Why do celebrities publicly endorse certain consumer products? Usually, it's because some company gives them a staggering amount of money to do so. But not Jay-Z—he does it because he really believes in the Duracell Powermat battery-charging device:

Barack Obama's critics on the left and right are beginning to coalesce around the idea that the White House should be punished for selectively leaking flattering details about covert operations while at the same time zealously prosecuting whistleblowers who reveal less flattering secrets. This is stupid. Every leak is a good leak.