So the Sun, England's most tasteful, reputable daily tabloid, sent word around late Tuesday that Madonna and Guy Ritchie will officially divorce by the end of the year. ("They can't bear the pretence!") We unpacked our grain of salt while sorting through the months of rumors preceding this one, but with everyone from the AP to Time hitching on and the singer's exasperated rep admitting, "We're not going to know anything until the US wakes up," all public signs indicate this is finally it. After the jump, a quick recap of how we got here, and what's likely next.While split talk had jammed the tabloids essentially since the day they were married in 2000, with Madonna publicly grumbling for years now about her unfulfilled sex needs, the gossip was all so much noise until the fantastic Madgerod Cynthavitz controversy that exploded over the summer. The scandal placed Madonna in Yankees slugger/"fucking soulmate, dude" Alex Rodriguez's comforting, Kabbalah-friendly arms, while A-Rod's wife Cynthia retreated to Paris for an extended stay in an apartment owned by Lenny Kravitz. "Nothing to see here," said Kravitz, who urged calm while Madonna's flack denied that A-Rod had ever charged her client's mound. Fine, then. Except the Rodriguezes divorced soon after, and as recently as two weeks ago Madonna and A-Rod were reportedly spotted dining together again in New York. This while Ritchie fled the spotlight, tapering off press for his new film RockNRolla and jetting back to England to commence shooting Sherlock Holmes with Robert Downey Jr.. So last night's announcement seems ideally timed for both him and Madge, who is five shows into her Sticky & Sweet world tour, where nearly half of her 25 American dates have yet to sell out. Oh — and her new own directorial debut, Filth and Wisdom, opens in New York and LA this Friday. Convenient! Not so convenient: The economy of Splitsville. The London Times reports today that the couple didn't have a pre-nup, thus encouraging Madonna to file for divorce in the States, where she'd likely earn a more favorable take from her and Ritchie's $600 million fortune. If Ritchie fights for a London divorce, the legal saga could play out for upward of a year. We don't buy for a second that these details aren't already arranged between the two, but the Times adds that still doesn't guarantee an official split by Christmas, as Madge reportedly hopes for. Certainly there's more to follow, which we'll report as it happens. In the meantime, don't look so down! We'll always have Swept Away.

Lenny Kravitz lookalikes in Times Square [Buenos Aires-Brooklyn]

We realize it's challenging to keep up with this whole A-Rod/ Madonna/ affair/ divorce/ something-about-Lenny Kravitz business, a convoluted celebrity love-polygon which we wouldn't be the least bit surprised to learn also involved Gary Coleman, Eliot Spitzer, and a Coors Light Twin. Still, you wouldn't want to be caught at some swanky dinner party filled with effete liberal elites and not have your talking points straight. Here's a round-up of the latest:
· A personal trainer present at the exact moment Kravitz learned he was embroiled in the primordial tabloid ooze said he "looked like he was going to throw up." The link between he, Madonna, and A-Rod is manager Guy Oseary, who told Kravitz he was going to "pimp out" the singer and Yankee. Whatever that means, Kravitz disapproved of it, and fired the manager a couple weeks later. He claims to have never had an affair with Cynthia Rodriguez; this was just a retaliatory smear campaign. [NY Post]

• Lenny Kravitz thinks the rumor about him having an affair with the wife of Yankees star Alex Rodriguez originated with his conniving, now-fired manager. A furious Madonna, meanwhile, is trying to muzzle the same wife's lawyer for insinuating she had "an affair of the heart" with Alex.

• Billionaire mogul Bruce Wasserstein is leaving his youthful, second wife Claude for an even more youthful "Asian beauty," whom he has been introducing to friends as his girlfriend. According to the Daily News, this practice of old, white men stepping out with younger Asian chicks might just be a trend! [Rush & Molloy]

For the first time in our country's history, the epicenter of America's commemorative period of fireworks and independence appears to have shifted to Miami. There, we've learned, the intercoital clusterfuck of Madonna, Alex Rodriguez, Lenny Kravitz and Guy Ritchie has reached its nadir with a Rodriguez divorce now officially on the way — freeing the Yankees slugger to (allegedly) pursue whatever pop paramour his heart desires. Except Madonna and Ritchie are still in matrimonial business — literally — and apparently will be for a while.

· Corey Haim spent an entire segment of The Two Coreys surfing the Defamer comment section and walked away emotionally damaged. But darker days are looming ahead.
· Angelina Jolie gave birth to the Chosen Twins! No wait, it was just another false alarm.
· McLovin and some starlets, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes some little McLovins in a baby carriage! But wait, watch out for that lightning storm!
· Madonna's frosty marriage to Guy Ritchie came thisclose to breaking down this week when reports surfaced that she's been fielding grounders from New York Yankees star Alex Rodriguez. And Lenny Kravitz has something to do with it.
· Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. But don't fret! There's a Friends movie on the way (maybe).
· We wished the happiest of happy birthdays to Lindsay Lohan and Tom Cruise.
· We busted out our long lost graphing calculator and got all scientific on your asses by examining the comedic rise and fall of Mike Myers.
· Nude Nicole Kidman vs. the fully clothed Katie Holmes proved to be an uneven fight.
· Fanboys from sea to shining sea creamed their collective jeans when Megan Fox dumped Brian Austin Green. Brett Ratner called dibs and already has some erotic literature ready for their first date.
· Denise Richards carefully explained to her 13-year-old nephew exactly what a threesome is.
· At long last, anal lubricant got the recognition it so justly deserves.

If you've looked at the Internet at all this past week, you've probably gleaned that there's something going on with Madonna, Guy Ritchie, A-Rod and, most recently, Lenny Kravitz. A lot has happened in a very short time and, quite possibly, many of you haven't been able to keep up. But don't feel ashamed, that's what we're here for! Just read our handy dandy guide to the action after the jump and you'll have plenty to talk about at your 4th of July BBQ.

• This story is getting messier by the minute: It seems Alex Rodriguez's wife Cynthia has been in Paris where she's been hooking up with Lenny Kravitz while her husband may or may not be involved with Madonna. The only one not getting any, it seems, is Guy Ritchie. [NYP]

Supposedly, the Yankee player's wife, Cynthia Rodriguez, is in Paris with Lenny Kravitz right now. Fun fact? Kravitz and rumored A-Rod lover Madonna used to hook up, as well. Another fun fact? Kravitz has been practicing celibacy for the last three years. Confused by all these facts? Check out our handy chart.

Less than a week after columnist Maureen Dowd was accused of confusing a black reporter for Barack Obama's wife, the Times' "humor" blog wondered aloud whether presidential candidate Barack Obama and rocker Lenny Kravitz were "separated at birth." What? "Um, Barack looks more like Judy Garland than Lenny Kravitz," the Huffington Post wrote on its own humor-challenged humor site. Larger Times comparison picture after the jump, plus one involving a picture of Obama that's not 30 years old.

Lenny Kravitz has been rushed to the hospital with severe bronchitis! We should all take his extreme dehydration and fatigue as a cautionary tale about what three years without sex can do to a man. Lenny needs to take Nicole Kidman to a romantic farm with some candles and a Devendra Banhart CD, ASAP. [Showbiz Spy]

The New York Times recently asked playboy rockstar Lenny Kravitz to expose his playlist. His answers may go down as the least well-put thing the New York Times has ever printed. It also ranks quite strongly on the Julia Allison Scale of Lack Of Self-Awareness (JASLOSA). Waxing poetic on Devendra Banhart, Kravitz write, " I just think it's really great. The song "Saved" is just incredible. He has this crazy voice, and it's this gospel kind of thing. It sounds like the song that rolls over the end title credits to some incredible movie. It's really well produced and recorded. I like his style. He's completely himself." Trenchant critique, that! It's not like Kravitz is busy making love or anything. He could have actually strung some words together that actually made sense. But nope. After the jump, some more Kravitzian prose and some bonus videos too!

While the Super Bowl halftime show features a star-studded cavalcade of partially armored nipples and 50-foot demonschlongs, the best that Canadian Football League's Grey Cup championship celebration can hope for is a taste of Lenny Kravitz's ass crack. [BlogTo]

• Congrats to playboy rocker Lenny Kravitz, who has been sued for the third year in a row over the leaky toilet in his old Soho penthouse. The lawsuit is now at about $800K — for that kind of money, we sure hope that toilet held the vomit of some really hot supermodels. [TSG]
• If, unlike Tom Cruise, you chose not to eat your baby's placenta, consider it as a hair product. [Malcontent]
• A photographer tries to burrow his way into Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's Namibian birthing compound, only to receive a solid beating from their security guards. [TMZ]
• The indie snobs at Pitchfork aren't that superior to a bunch of 10-year-olds. In fact, we prefer the little kids' reviews. [Stereogum]
• A note to LA: Judith Regan's all yours. Enjoy her fury, relish her bitchitude, and listen closely for tales from her well-abused PAs. [LAT]
• Will we ever fully understand the sad death of ElleGirl? [FishbowlNY]
• Paris Hilton has switched from her beloved Sidekick to a BlackBerry. Get hacking. [Valleywag]

• Brooke Shields is pregnant with her second child. At least someone's standing up to Tom Cruise. [Page Six]
• 740 Park author Michael Gross inadvertantly predicts the death of TV Guide heiress Enid Annenberg Haupt. Awesome; we've always wanted our own real-estate focused psychic. [R&M (2nd to last)]
• Lenny Kravitz's shitty toilet allows for the best lede ever: "Th poop has hit a Lenny Kravitz fan." Positively Joycean. [Page Six]
• Producer Lee Daniels (we've never heard of him, either) calls Halle Berry a "lost soul," and claims Hollywood is "Blackywood." [Lowdown]