Creepy Bishop Eddie Long, who was sued by four young male parishioners for allegedly using his holy authority to coerce them into "kissing, masturbation and oral sexual contact," has quietly "resolved" everything out of court. Good job, Eddie.

According to a lawsuit filed by a lesbian named Amanda Booker, police officers in Bartow County, Georgia, took her to the house of an evangelical "ex-gay therapist" to "attempt to convert Ms. Booker from being a lesbian," rather than taking her to court-appointed rehab.

In your absurd Wednesday media column: a lawsuit against HuffPo proceeds, Amazon dives into book publishing, Bloomberg View is totally out there, the New York Times has a drug pusher's business strategy, and e-commerce is your future.

Krittika Biswas is a high school senior in Queens and the daughter of the vice consul of the Indian Consulate in New York. Earlier this year, she was perp-walked out of school, arrested, held for a day in central booking, and spent a month at a school "suspension center," all for allegedly sending email threats "with references to rape and prostitution" to two of her teachers. Except she didn't.

A federal judge has denied tattoo artist S. Victor Whitmill's request for an injunction barring The Hangover 2 from opening because the studio didn't ask him for the rights to use Mike Tyson's face tattoo, which Whitmill designed and copyrighted. He still has a "strong likelihood of success" in eventually winning his case, though, according to the judge.

Penny Johnson was awarded about $9.7 million by a British judge today for a facelift that left her disfigured and causes her constant pain, twitching, and emotional distress. Plastic surgery is a very dangerous business!

Earlier this month, an anonymous Twitter user caused an uproar for tweeting rumors that hadn't surfaced in the press previously because of the gag laws—known as "superinjunctions"—that British celebs use to squash embarrassing stories. Now, a professional soccer player—sorry, "footballer," is suing not just every Twitter user who named him, but the entire company. This should be fun.

It's the most adorable tech lawsuit ever! The family of the teenage founder of a popular Twitter account is suing his business partner for squeezing him out. Kids these days.

You didn't think the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals telling Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss to go away forever would actually get them to drop their crap Facebook lawsuit, did you? They're taking this thing all the way to the Supreme Court!

Cameron and Tyler Winklevoss must go away and never come back, ever, with their whining about how they only made, like, $100 million+ on their Facebook settlement, said the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals. No, Tyler. No, Cameron. Just: No.

Boston businessman Wayne Chang claims that the Winklevoss twins elbowed him out of the $65 million settlement Facebook paid them back in 2008. Chang partnered with the Winklevii on their failed ConnectU project—the idea they claim Mark Zuckeberg stole and turned into Facebook— and he says this entitles him to a portion of the ginormous settlement, of which he currently has $0.

Kevin Glasheen is a lawyer in Texas. He is also a lobbyist. He successfully lobbied the state to pass a bill raising the amount of money that it pays to inmates who are exonerated and freed after being wrongfully convicted and imprisoned. For completing this fine deed, Glasheen expects to be paid handsomely—by the freed inmates themselves.

"Tik Tok" singer Ke$ha is suing a watch company for naming a watchstrap the "TikTok." Someone should tell the U.S. Treasury to sue Ke$ha for abusing the dollar sign.

Often, kids these days are pessimistic; they don't think they have the power to change anything. But one plucky group of teens is standing up for themselves, by suing the U.S. government for not protecting the earth. Whoa, citizens!

Pariah oil company BP is settling charges by paying $25 million in civil fines over two oil spills on Alaska's North Slope in 2006, and for basically ignoring court orders to properly maintain their pipelines. How shocking! According to a report in the Times, "The fine is the largest per-barrel assessment ever levied against an oil company in a spill case and represents a new blow to BP's corporate treasury and reputation." Yes, it's a new blow to BP's reputation, but it's doubtful the company's rep can get much worse than it already is.

It seems that the sequel to The Hangover features a gag about Ed Helms' character getting a tattoo like Mike Tyson's. One thing the Warner Bros. legal team probably didn't anticipate: A copyright lawsuit from the "visual artist" who drew the original tattoo.

Last month, pervy American Apparel CEO Dov Charney was sued by (first one, then several more) former employees for alleged sexual harassment. As the media war over Dov's reputation raged, new facts came to light —incriminating texts, emails, and photos from his accusers—that made it seem that Dov might actually be innocent this time. But of course, Dov couldn't leave well enough alone.

Katie Holmes' $50 million libel lawsuit against Star magazine has ended. In today's issue, Star apologized for a January story about how Tom Cruise and Scientology control Katie. Star says it "did not intend to suggest that Ms. Holmes was a drug addict or was undergoing treatment for a drug addiction." And Star's parent company, American Media, has made an "substantial donation" to an undisclosed charity in Katie's name.

Janna St. James, who seduced a married woman over the internet by pretending to be a hunky firefighter, may face harsher penalties than the awkward confrontation immortalized in this video: An Illinois appeals court has reinstated a lawsuit against her.

Dan Snyder, wealthy scoundrel and owner of an awful football team whose name is a racial slur, is able to blow countless hundreds of millions dollars on high-profile free agents who immediately become bad at the sport of football upon cashing Dan Snyder's check. But oddly, he is not wealthy enough to buy one decent PR adviser who could tell him to keep his stupid mouth shut.