You know what the state of Arizona needs? More xenophobia. Also, less knowledge of Mexican-American history and more fear and distrust between white people and immigrants. So thank god that a judge has upheld an earlier ruling by Arizona's school superintendent that a Mexican-American studies program in Tucson is a violation of the law, in part because it promotes "resentment toward a race or class of people." White people in Arizona, specifically!

In France, people are all very sensitive about things, and prefer to approach sensitive issues (all) by arguing sophisticated points of serious political philosophy, while making dismissive hand gestures and holding cigarettes. This is why the French are such a bunch of pussies who aren't even tough enough to be involved in several doomed wars of choice in the Muslim world. Le wimps! Amirite?

Congratulations, America: you've gotten what you wished for. You elected Barack "Hussein" Obama as commander in chief. He quickly allowed homosexuals to serve as proud members of the US Armed Forces, standing buttock-to-buttock in foxholes next to normal young American boys. (After the war is over, they can marry, now.) It was only a matter of time before our fighting men were encouraged to start fucking dogs.

A bankruptcy attorney recently filed a 75-page brief with the Connecticut statewide grievance committee arguing that laws limiting relationships between lawyers and their clients are "unconstitutional." Not only that, lawyers tend to work harder for clients whom they date. Makes sense!

Medical marijuana is a very controversial issue for cities across America, pitting individual freedoms against municipal concerns with a backdrop of blah blah, [boilerplate "on the one hand, on the other hand" here]. The real question is: how can medical marijuana win, forever? A foolproof legal strategy is now emerging.

The Supreme Court heard arguments today in a case about whether the police have the right to track your every movement electronically without a search warrant. Things got awkward when an attorney for the government conceded that, under the government's view, even Supreme Court justices could be tracked.

Justice gets at least one positive bit of justice news this week: the Fair Sentencing Act of 2010 went into effect yesterday, bringing the huge disparities in sentencing for powder cocaine vs. crack cocaine somewhat closer to sane levels. According to the NYT, there was previously a 100 to one disparity between the amounts of powder and the amount of crack that would draw equal sentences; now, it's 18 to one. Yeah, that's... somewhat less terrible. U.S. lawmakers truly are beacons of fairness.

Jerry Brown struck a mighty blow to the Occupy Foreskin movement on Sunday, as the California governor signed a bill preventing local governments from banning circumcision in males. Back in July, a judge had ruled a ballot proposal outlawing circumcision in San Francisco, backed by 7,700 supporters, to be unconstitutional. Now, thanks to bill AB768 — or what will eventually come to be known as "Jerry's Bill" — no male child in California will ever be denied his God-mandated right to circumcision again. Let the protests commence! Bay Area Urban Docking League, you have the floor. [AP]

Barack Obama wants to expand the umbrella of "protected classes" against which it is illegal to discriminate in hiring to include the unemployed, so if like almost everybody else you don't have a job, you can just apply for the next job you see and sue them if you don't get it. Problem. Solved.

The Georgia Supreme Court has removed Catoosa County magistrate Anthony Peters from his position and banned him from ever returning to the bench in Georgia. His "crime?" After his father died and he had an auto accident in 2005, he started taking large quantities of pain medication and acting erratically. That could happen to anyone, you monsters.

With statewide unemployment at 8.8% and a withering manufacturing base, the good men and women charged with conducting the People's Business in the Ohio Statehouse are doing what any right-thinking statesman would: Considering the installation of a bar in the state capitol, for drinking.

Marvell Scott used to be the sportscaster guy on WABC-TV in New York City. Now he's a doctor. A doctor who just got sentenced to zero jail time for being "inappropriate" with a 14 year-old prostitute. Huh?

In your simmering Thursday media column: Rick Sanchez pipes up again, CNBC's bizarre PR scandal, James Risen's judicial defender speaks, News Corp is flooded with lawsuits, and the WaPo's punchy editor is retired.

Guns! Guns! We need more guns! We need more people carrying guns! We need more people carrying guns outside, in public, everywhere, constantly armed! What America needs are more armed citizens in public, ready to shoot!

And it's official: as expected, a judge in California has ruled that a ballot proposal to ban circumcision in San Francisco "violates the U.S. Constitution's guarantee of religious freedom," as well as California law. It's off the ballot.

You may want to block your aunt on Facebook for the next couple days: Casey Anthony was released from jail just after midnight, 12 days after being acquitted of charges that she murdered her daughter Caylee. [CNN]

To move into his brand-new home, all Kenneth Robinson had to do was fill out a form, write down that the home had been foreclosed upon and abandoned, take the form to his local courthouse, and hand over $16 to the nice clerk lady. So easy!

Tonight on HLN (aka the Casey Anthony Network), grief pornographer Nancy Grace opened her two-hour broadcast with a predictably angry statement about a Florida jury's decision to acquit Casey Anthony of murdering her two-year-old daughter, Caylee.

Our old friends at the Westboro Baptist Church—you know, the "God Hates Fags" guys—briefly expanded their gross little empire! To the FBI, of all things, where church big-shot Tim Phelps was invited to address agents several times "as part of the bureau's counterterrorism training program." Hmm.

A federal appeals court judge who was nominated by George W. Bush and clerked under Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia made an embarrassing error today when he ruled that Barack Obama's health care reform law was constitutional.