Because Kathy has begun remodeling her home, she and Maggie decide to start a line of muumuu's for the casual boxed-wine drinker. When it comes to fashion & branding, who would be better to help than The Hills' Lauren Conrad?

• Lindsay Lohan was supposed to go to Vienna so she could accompany creepy billionaire Richard Lugner to the Vienna Opera Ball. (He brings a different celeb or model to the event every year and pays them $150,000 for the pleasure.) Sadly, Lindsay missed her chance to collect the much-needed cash. She ran up a $22K bill at the airport duty free shop and couldn't pay the bill, and the ensuing drama forced her to miss the flight. So she didn't get Lugner's check, she has $22K in stuff she doesn't need, and her house is even more cluttered. That worked out well! [DM, P6]
• The reason Alec Baldwin was rushed to the hospital in the middle of the night yesterday? Apparently he got into a fight with his 14-year-old daughter, Ireland, over the phone and threatened to "take some pills," then she called 911 and an ambulance showed up, and Alec was like, "Ugh, fine I'll go to the hospital," and he spent about an hour in the ER before doctors sent him home. His rep says it was "all a misunderstanding," and it's possible that his ex-wife, Kim Basinger, actually prompted Ireland to call 911 in an effort to embarrass him. But Alec didn't make the situation any better when he returned home on Thursday night and "assaulted" a Post photographer who was waiting for him outside his apartment building. [Fox411, NYP, Daily News, Us]
• John Mayer broke down on stage in Nashville on Wednesday, thanked his band for standing by him, and vowed to "quit the media game." Finally! [Us]
• Bill Clinton was hospitalized yesterday after complaining of chest pains. Doctors inserted two stents into a blocked artery and the ex-president is now at home in Chappaqua and "in good spirits." [People]

Paris Hilton filming a commercial for Israeli television on Lexington Avenue ... Mary-Kate Olsen leaving her apartment in the Village ... Mike Myers crossing the street in Tribeca ... Cynthia Nixon talking on her cell phone in the West Village ... Pierce Brosnan going to lunch on the Upper East Side ... Jennie Garth arriving at JFK ... Channing Tatum getting out of a car in front of the Apple store in SoHo ... Lauren Conrad arriving at the Wendy Williams Show in Midtown ... Mick Jagger having a late-night dinner at La Esquina ... and James Gandolfini leaving lunch at Bubby's on Hudson Street.

Lauren Conrad, the former star of The Hills and the person to blame for introducing Heidi Montag to the world, turns 24 today. Michael C. Hall, the star of Showtime's Dexter, is turning 39. Outkast's Big Boi is 35. Lisa Marie Presley, the singer and spawn of Elvis, is turning 42. Princess Stéphanie of Monaco is 45. Pat Wilson of Weezer is turning 41. Poker champion Phil Ivey is 34. And Mr. Pauly Shore celebrates his 42nd birthday today.

After the loss of two celebrated writers this week — Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger — it's easy to feel like there's nobody left. But there is! Lauren Conrad, Hills star and author. And now she's sharing her favorite books.

• Oprah got all teary today when she announced she'll end her talk show two years from now. Meanwhile her upstart cable network announced it'll launch in January 2011, eight months before her talk show goes off the air. [EW, THR]
• Oprah isn't the only one planning her goodbyes. Bill Moyers announced today that he's retiring and will wrap up his weekly PBS show in April 2010. [NYT]
• Former NY1 anchor Dominic Carter was found guilty of misdemeanor attempted assault today for roughing up his wife last year. [NYDN]
• Last night's season finale of Project Runway was the highest-rated episode of the season; meanwhile, winner Irina Shabayeva describes what's next for her.
• The new Twilight sequel, New Moon, isn't just causing excitable teens to pass out in droves. It's also on track to break a few box office records. [AFP, AP]
• More on the bloodshed at BusinessWeek the past few days. [FBNY]
• Tina Brown has herself a new right-hand man at The Daily Beast. [NYP]
• Yet another book by reality TV star Lauren Conrad is on the way. [NYDN]
• Phil Falcone's Harbinger has cut his stake in the Times once again. [Reuters]
• The scariest news ever: Lou Dobbs has left open the possibility that he'll make a run for the White House in 2012. And he wasn't kidding. [Reuters]

• Kanye West and Lady Gaga's "Fame Kills" tour has been canceled. Was it because of Kanye's little incident at the VMAs? Because tickets weren't selling? No one's saying, although the name of the tour was pretty prophetic, wasn't it? [TMZ, NYDN]
• Kate Hudson isn't a huge hit with Yankee players' wives and girlfriends: "Kate acts like she and Alex [Rodriguez] are married, and no one gets it," said a source. "It strikes them as odd, and it seems suspicious." [MSNBC]
• Lauren Conrad has admitted she can't act. Really. "I think my acting is offensive!" she says. "I'm an awful actor, I'm not super comfortable with it." This it all very true, of course. But points for honesty! [People]
• In a new series of ads for her line of leggings, 6126, Lindsay Lohan can be seen modeling with a stripper pole. Naturally. [NYDN, Daily Mail]

Reality TV stars artfully bare their souls on camera and in the tabloids, and even better, they do it all without a script. But a TV show is only the first step to building a brand, and now countless pseudo-celebs are milking their 15 minutes and peddling products that you couldn't possibly live without. (Or so they say!) We compiled the most promising items from the brightest minds in faux-showbiz. With these ladies' designs in your style arsenal, your look will never be the same.

• Despite several tabloid reports yesterday that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had broken up, they were photographed holding hands on Monday in Santa Barbara. So what's going on? "Things have been rocky the last few months, but they're working it out," one source tells the Post. ("They've been spending more time apart... and they've been reevaluating their relationship," another tells People.) Oh, and what about those Rihanna rumors? JT and Ri Ri are apparently just working on a track together. [People, P6, NYDN]
• Another dubious rumors making the rounds: that Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are expecting a baby. Hudson's rep is denying it. [NYDN]
• Madonna told David Letterman that she'd "rather get run over by a train" than remarry again. Poor Jesus doesn't have a prayer, it seems. [HP]
• Lauren Conrad has snagged a movie deal for L.A. Candy, her debut novel about a totally unfamiliar topic, "a 19-year-old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a fishbowl life." [Variety]

The Hills are on fire! Everyone is talking about last night's sixth season premiere, but it looks like Lauren Conrad leaving has doomed the show. Know what, who cares? The City is a million times better, anyway.

• Things are heating up between Justin Timberlake and Rihanna. "Hot grinding sessions," "steamy private after-parties," "impromptu lap dances," and non-stop texting sessions have all been on the agenda in recent days, at least if you're buying what the Star's "sources" are selling. [Star]
• Madonna will do anything for the young Brazilian man in her life, Jesus Luz. And if that means taking him to the downtown gay bar Easternbloc so he can "get some DJ experience in her old hood," well, then so be it. [P6]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman's play, A Steady Rain, has set a record for the "highest weekly sales of a non-musical play." We're guessing their good looks, not just their acting talent, may have something to do with that. [Reuters]

Learning about how much the stars of The Hills make will make you want to vomit. If it doesn't make you want to vomit, it will surely make you want be on TV. Both are appropriate reactions.

Mackenzie Phillips is setting the media ablaze with her revelation that she had sex with her father. Having come this far, just what will celebrity biographies have to confess to get attention a decade from now? Here's a preview!

Tony Robbins made an absurd 9/11 video; Oprah invented a very awkward way to mourn tragedy on Twitter, and Lauren Conrad needs your help getting naked. The Twitterati were having poignant moments, in their own way.

• Madonna is taking her kids on the best summer vacation ever later this month: She's thinking about taking them to visit Auschwitz, so "they can learn about mistakes made in the past." If that doesn't pan out, she could always just invite Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie over for a visit and teach them the same lesson, couldn't she? [YNET]
• Paula Abdul announced over Twitter last night that she's leaving American Idol. True? Was she just drinking again? We'll find out soon enough. [NYDN]
• Hopeless romantic Kelly Bensimon made a move on Gerard Butler the other night, but the actor didn't reciprocate. Try your best to empathize. [NYDN]
• Great news: Ratings for Jon & Kate Plus 8 have tanked since the show came back from hiatus. Say a little prayer that this continues. [Us]
• Nominations for the MTV Video Music Awards were announced yesterday; Beyoncé and Lady Gaga came out on top, each earning nine nods. [THR]

Amy Winehouse reached into Kate Moss' handbag and stole her cocaine, Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush break up, Madonna's love faxes from the early 90s emerge, Tobey Maguire's mom and brother get a reality show and Mischa Barton goes home.

• Remember when Bethenny Frankel announced a few weeks ago that she was engaged to "a real estate bigwig" named Jason Hoppy? According to one "insider," the engagement may be a big publicity stunt, and Hoppy may be a "medical sales rep/personal trainer," not some property-owning master of the universe. [Fox News]
• A treasure trove of Madonna memorabilia, collected by one of her long lost ex-boyfriends, is going up for auction. Yes, 17 minutes of "erotic phone messages" could soon be yours. [P6, NYDN]
• Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have broken up. Tragic! [People]
• It looks like Dr. Conrad Murray gave Michael Jackson a dose of the powerful anesthetic propofol right before his death and that was what killed him. And it looks like Murray could face manslaughter charges because of it. [TMZ, NYDN]
• Mischa Baron says she's feeling better and is ready to go back to work. [Us]

Where Tom Cruise and Beyonce meet in the middle. Where Jennifer Anniston terrifies West Villagers with her half-speed biological clock. Where Jon Gosselin's girlfriend terrifies virginal high school boys. Where Andy's Dick's Little One speaks. Your Saturday Late-Edition Gossip Roundup:

Harry Potter and Gossip Girl finally meet in the middle, Jon Gosselin wants to capitalize on the worst fashion trend in the History of the Universe, Robert Pattinson's good in bed, Jim Carry's a scary grandparent, and celebrity DUI time!

• Betsey Johnson reports that she's thinking about retiring this fall. She plans to hand over the reigns to Eric Sartori. At least assuming he manages to "Betsey-fy himself," that is. [Cut]
• Kanye West's line of sneakers for Louis Vuitton has been delayed, but photos of the $700 kicks can now be viewed online. [Racked]
• Lauren Conrad, Mandy Moore, Jennifer Lopez: These are not very good times for celebrities-turned-designers, as you may have heard. Not that the bad news is stopping J.Lo from launching yet another fragrance, of course. [ABC News, People]