Larry Page, the dorkier half of Google's founding duo, has mastered at least one basic human function: His wife, former model and Stanford bioinformatics Ph.D. Lucy Southworth, is pregnant.

Lucy Page, the bioinformatics-expert wife of the Google cofounder, would seem to fit the Forbes template for billionaires' wives: "Looks are great — but brains are even better." Unlike husband Larry — shown here kissing his bride at their Necker Island wedding — the former Lucy Southworth actually completed her Ph.D. at Stanford. But a revelation from sister Carrie Southworth, an actress, may mar Lucy's Valley-brainy reputation.

Before Lucy Southworth met Larry, there was another man in the future Ms. Page's life: Tom Kretchmar. From a photo album on Facebook, leaked thanks to the site's privacy holes, we can see Southworth and Kretchmar were close. In one photo, she's sitting on his lap. Old college flame, or just a friendly school chum? Never mind: Southworth is too radiantly adorkable for me to pay much attention to Kretchmar.

Anne Wojcicki, the wife of Google cofounder Sergey Brin and CEO of the Google-funded biotech startup 23andMe, is a modern sort, keeping her name after marriage. Not so, apparently, for the former Lucy Southworth, who recently married Brin's cofounder, Larry Page. At the World Economic Forum in Davos, her nametag read "Lucy Page." One thing's for sure: This will make her more difficult to Google.

Alice Waters is giving a book reading today in San Francisco's Bernal Heights neighborhood. If anyone's feeling brave, go there and ask her what she served at Larry and Lucy's wedding on Necker Island.

If you're worth $20 billion, I guess you can't just go on a vacation. Even if you just got married. Larry Page and new bride Lucy Southworth headed down to Argentina after their Necker Island wedding last weekend — and Larry promptly met with Argentina's recently elected president Cristina Kirchner. Kirchner bragged about her country's software industry and Larry thumped his chest about alternative energy. Muy romantico. At least Larry continued to rock the urban mullet. Now go on your frigging honeymoon, okay? (Photo by Infobae.com)

You know, I'm perfectly fine with funtrepreneur-in-residence Jason Calacanis telling us to "please die." I'm totally OK when Calacanis emails me "Subject: Idiot," because I can take a joke, especially when it's true. But dammit, Janet, Calacanis has stopped posting pics of his puppies. Valleywag has been forced to outsource to Professor Chips (above), winner of last year's Babies vs Puppies showdown. After a week where the big stories were Larry Page planting one on new bride Lucy Southworth, Heidi Roizen singing her thighs thin, Google ripping off AOL — AOL? — the Times poaching yours truly, and Megan "Leggy" McCarthy leaving Valleywag for Wired, we could all use some face-blurpy time.

We hear that Larry Page's wedding to Lucy Southworth on Necker Island Sunday was a smaller affair than widely reported — only 170 people, not 600. Confirmed in attendance: Richard Branson, who officiated, and Bono, who read a poem he wrote for the couple and performed a song. Oh, and also San Francisco's hunky god-mayor, Gavin Newsom, shown here with Page and Google cofounder Brin. How do we know Newsom was there?

No wind, no rain could stop Larry Page and Lucy Southworth's wedding on Necker Island this weekend. During the ceremony itself, Valleywag's exclusive photo showed clear skies, if rough seas. Virgin Gorda, the large island where the Google founder and his Stanford-Ph.D. bride held a reception afterwards at Little Dix Bay, hosted a large fleet of private jets over the weekend — all gone by now, according to our operatives.

From a helpful tipster, the first-ever photo from the wedding ceremony of Larry Page and Lucy Southworth. The groom wore a white buttondown shirt, untucked; the bride, a cream strapless number, with her hair loose. Pics or it didn't happen, eh? After the jump, visual confirmation that Sir Richard Branson was the Google cofounder's best man.

In the neutral parlance of stormtrackers, the pattern of rain and winds now hitting the British Virgin Islands is just a "tropical disturbance." But I have to think Google cofounder Larry Page, who married Lucy Southworth yesterday on Richard Branson's Necker Island, is more than disturbed by it. Gale-force winds and heavy rains will make it difficult if not impossible to shuttle from island to island, and conditions may be unsafe for helicopters and small private jets to take off. Hundreds of celebrity guests and top Google executives may well be stranded.

So how are Mr. and Mrs. Larry Page faring? The coconut telegraph linking Valleywag's Virgin Islands correspondents with headquarters in San Francisco is down. Our sources who promised us an inside look at Larry Page's wedding to Lucy Southworth, believed to be taking place right now on Richard Branson's Necker Island, have been silent since this morning. And now I think I know why: What may be a tropical storm system is forming northeast of the archipelago. After the jump, a shot taken today by a Valleywag informant showing the extremely windy conditions there.

Yesterday was a beautiful day in the British Virgin Islands, as you can see from this sunset snap submitted to us. And strangely quiet. That's because, we hear from a source working the festivities, Larry Page and Lucy Southworth didn't get married.

If rumors are correct, Larry Page and Lucy Southworth should be married by now. One hopes that they're back to a suite on Richard Branson's Necker Island resort, recapping their mile-high makeout session from last year. Update: Or not! The latest rumor from the coconut telegraph: The wedding is Sunday, not Saturday. One hopes the future Pages are practicing for tomorrow, at any rate.

Back when we had party correspondent Megan McCarthy to kick around, I made a point of assigning her all interviews with the German press. But now Leggy's headed to Wired, so when Der Spiegel called to interview me about Larry and Lucy's wedding, I had to handle it myself. And I think I acquitted myself pretty well. I think. The Google translation was a little unclear. "Webgemeinde baffles," indeed. Larry, when you get back, could you get someone working on this?

At last, intimate details of Google cofounder Larry Page's wedding today are drifting in. How intimate? Well, let's put its this way: We know where Page is going to do his business. Seems the multibillionaire won't settle for a mere Porta-Potty. No, according to a source on the scene, he's contracted with Royal Restrooms to provide a "Regal Portable Restroom Experience." After the jump, a shot of the Googler's toilets.

Phil Singer, a spokesman for Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, says neither she nor Bill will be at Larry Page and Lucy Southworth's wedding being held today on Necker Island in the British Virgin Islands. That's a shame. Richard Branson's Caribbean getaway is a lot warmer than Iowa, HIllary. And there are worse places to hit people up for campaign donations. Maybe she's just trying to avoid a photo op with the Bushes?

Wow, and we thought last week sucked. Googler Larry Page is marrying the Chiclet-toothed Lucy Southworth tomorrow, but no one has posted photos of the lucky couple yet, so as far as we're concerned, it didn't happen. The week's other near-misses that were nonetheless hits:

We're getting more reports from the scene of this weekend's wedding between gummy Google cofounder Larry Page and yummy Stanford Ph.D. Lucy Southworth. Above, another picture of the wedding tent (click for a bigger version.) Is that an alt-energy windmill on the hill? How eco-conscious! After the jump, a vacationing tipster sends us more details of the goings-on in the Virgin Islands, including a rundown on rumored Hollywood guests.

We've heard rumors that there will be three presidents attending the Caribbean wedding of Google cofounder Larry Page and his bride-to-be, Lucy Southworth. The Times Online is reporting that Bill and Hillary Clinton are expected to attend, which leaves two presidents unaccounted for. The likeliest candidates: Dubya and his dad. Here's why.