GG Allin would shit onstage, but did he ever shred $1.1 million to fuck over his heirs? I don’t think so. So let me tell you about this lady, then.

One potato, two potato, three potato, none potato: This is the conundrum in which Kristin Cavallari recently found herself embroiled. “Ladies,” cried Kristin to her sisters—the mothers, the she-wolves, the ducks, and the sows—“I need your help!”

Thigh gap. Why?

Some quotes from a story about women's watches: "Women are now interested in how a timepiece works." "We're more comfortable now with technology. Things that used to seem geeky or intimidating are now common." "Moon-phase watches seem to have a particularly strong appeal for women, and not just those who frequent beauty salons." Women!

Chanan Maister has gone two years without ever seeing his wife Elisheva, the cellist for the band Bulletproof Stockings, perform live.

Mike Huckabee—former governor, current TV gadfly, lifelong Jim Nabors doppelganger—wants you to know Republicans have no war on women. If anything, it's liberals who hate the foxes, with their free love and free birth control and something called "Uncle Sugar."

The world has 99 problems and women are all of them.

A sad new study proves that moms are the top earners in four of ten American households. It may seem like a positive thing that these working women are top earners, but it either means the woman is a single mother or that the "dad" is unemployed.

Attention: Women of Princeton.

Women. They're dying younger. What is up with that, ladies?

First, let us present the plain facts: there is a new study out, based on statistics gleaned from "time use diaries" filled out by women chronicling their own activity. Researchers found that American women today are spending only about half as much time doing housework—vacuuming, laundry, etc.—as they were 45 years ago. During the same period of time, the amount of time that women spent sitting down and watching a screen doubled. The conclusion, based in simple biological fact, as stated in the NYT in a story headlined "What Housework Has to Do With Waistlines:"

Tampon manufacturer Kimberly-Clark has a new series of ads out in which veterans of periods (gals) explain all the wacky vagina myths they once believed. (These myths, they say, are untrue, though we cannot confirm this independently.) You may be shocked to learn that some of your most cherished opinions about your body are, in fact, as mythical as "Amelia Earhart" or "Sojourner Truth."

On December 21, 1912, the New York Times published a profile of "The Perfect Girl": a size 14 wannabe-vegetable farmer who loved beefsteak and, by her own admission, literally did not know what fear was:

Here now, a new study chronicled in the scientific journal The Daily Mail, which lays bare womankind's deepest, darkest, shiniest, most volumizing secret: some women are far more concerned about their hair than about their physique. Ladies. Ladies. You have it backwards.

Looks like you really will be the last person you know to be married: a scrap of ancient papyrus that some scholars are calling a new gospel suggests that confirmed bachelor Jesus Christ may, in fact, have had a wife.

Lola Versus, a rom-com-ish movie about a woman who goes looking for herself after she's dumped the same day she tries on her wedding dress, opened this past weekend to bad numbers and worse reviews. Starring Greta Gerwig, directed by Daryl Wein and co-written by Zoe Lister Jones, it brought in a meager $31,815 (in New York and L.A. only, but still) and trailed behind its same-genre competitor, Safety Not Guaranteed.

Hey girl, have you been on the set of Girls in the last two days? Well, if you have brown hair and are tallish, the only not-white guy is looking for you. So shuffle on off that Greenpoint sound stage—you're no extra in this love story.

As part of Gawker's ongoing effort to keep readers apprised of innovation in the underwear supplement industry (fart-neutralizing undies, penis-enhancing undies, calorie-absorbing undies, sexy period undies) may I now present Camelflage, "the original visual privacy undergarment" for eliminating camel toe with a labia-obscuring insert.

A volunteer at the Smithsonian Archives has made it her mission to put female scientists back where they belong: the kitchen. Just kidding — she's putting them back in annals of history, via Wikipedia.

Ladies, make sure when you do get your man to put a ring on it, it's this 150 carat "world's first diamond ring." Asking him to plunk down $68 million is a good way to test him and his love for you.