Don't expect to roll mobb deep to the club with Hills star Spencer Pratt unless you're ready to spread around some serious cash, my friend. In his closely-read advice column in Radar this week, the boy wonder responds to a needy fan—whom we envision wearing a tight shirt and a year-round tan—who's in anguish over only being able to hit the town with five of his boys at a time. "You can't roll in anywhere with more than five guys holding your hand," he explains. How can he satisfy all of his other homeboys who want to hold his hand in the club? Spencer says: Money money money money, monnneeeeyyyyyyy:

Suge Knight, CEO of Death Row Records, intimidating former football player, and certified gangster, somehow got himself knocked out at a club on Saturday night. Odd! Even odder: the guy who did the knocking allowed TMZ to take his picture, although "he didn't want us to use his name." Message to that guy: Run, you fool! Run for your life! Message to Suge Knight: we are on your side in this and all other disputes, and don't let anyone tell you any differently. But seriously, Mr. Punchy: Run. Below, two pictures of Suge Knight laid out unconscious, which should not be construed as disrespectful to him in any way:

"Mark Harwell knew he was on to a good idea when he brought the Los Angeles Lightning, an International Basketball League Team, to the hoops-crazy City of Angeles." That's the first sentence of a press release that, if Mark Harwell has more sense than his decision to buy an International Basketball League Team would indicate, will prompt him to say, "God, I need to fire this fucking flack."

We love LA, cops.

Continuing "Keeping straight with the Joneses" day, tech writers Cyrus Farivar and Paul Boutin compare L.A.'s Xenii ("ex-ee-knee"), the exclusive club patronized by Google's Sergey Brin, to L.A.'s Xeni ("SHEH-nee"), the jet-setting journalist pictured at left, now reporting for NPR, Wired Magazine, and Boing Boing.