Babies born in contemporary Western societies will live to be a million, billion years old.

You're the Prime Minister of Spain. Your rarely seen daughters are tabloid sensations after an embargo on posting photographs of them is broken when pictures of them dressed as badass goths leak everywhere. So: what do you do? Run interference.

Here's Barack and Michelle Obama with Spanish Prime Minister José Luis Rodríguez Zapatero and his family. The State Department uploaded it to Flickr. (What an unlikely sentence!) Whoops—no one in Spain has ever seen Zapatero's Goth daughters before!

Is the Times getting cute with us? Months after warning us of the teen hug epidemic they are now asking if teen hugs spread swine flu.

Oh, good, Today covered the teenage hug menace. "High school hugging has turned into a cultural phenomenon, studied by sociologists, and written about in The New York Times." A phenomenon studied by bullshit pseudo-scientists and written up as a trend in the Times? Hugs are the new hipster farms!

In the good old days of the culture wars, your teenagers, after years of being raped by Satanist daycare workers, were all organizing "Rainbow Parties" and smoking weed three times more powerful than the stuff you smoked all the time in high school. Now they are just hugging?

Vanity Fair asked that pressing question, and they all want to GIVE BACK and BE CREATIVE ARTISTS, even though artists are all leeches, obv.

Hey, New York wants you to know about this little budding interior designer kid, a senior at Drew College out in Jersey. He is a treat, if you're into really precocious youngsters. And aren't we?

This weekend, a bunch of lame kids saw a bunch of lame bands (and a couple good ones) out in the desert. We thought we'd try to figure out what the deal is with a little trip through Flickr.

Times internet family columnist Judith Warner has determined that when kids call other kids "gay" or "fag" they are actually enforcing outdated codes of masculinity, not actually accusing that kid of being a homosexual.

Do you like irony? Sure, we all do! Here is a statement Sarah Palin's flack gave to People regarding the recent Tyra appearance by campaign prop and real-life boy Levi Johnston.

CNN anchorlady Tamron Hall just goes bonkers in this clip of 8-year-old businesskid Tanner Leuellen, who patrolled the halls of a Chicago trade show looking for a job as "apprentice creator."

Remember the name "Jonathan Krohn." At the 13-year-old's apparent rate of mental development, he'll soon move on from speaking at a conservative convention to launching the next National Review or Fox News.

Meet Jonathan Krohn, age 13. He spoke at the Republican orgy-fest CPAC today. He wanted to show that he is just at good at spouting nonsense as your average Fox News guest. He'll go far!

What leads kids from urban-suburban/indie music settings to get their SDS on and "take over" a cafeteria with a list of demands? Should we mock them, or pity them? Well, we should mock them, yes.

Hey, an Onion story came true. All these kids who became activists this year and spent hours volunteering to get Barack Obama elected? Now they have no purpose in life, and they are confused and adrift. 13 million email addresses and hundreds of thousands of trained volunteers, and nothing for them to do. These kids were trained in activism by political campaign, and post-election, the campaign has no use for them. Sad, really. Community organizers are disappointed.

Two whole years have hurried their way by since last we saw "scandalous" images of Rose Kennedy Schlossberg, daughter of Caroline Kennedy and granddaughter of John Fitzgerald. Back in 2006, our former sister site Wonkette posted wine 'n hookah partaking photos of the then-18, Obama-supporting Harvard student (hello, past Pareene!) Now, in the still of the afternoon, someone has sent us more photos, from sources unknown! In which the heiress to the great mantle of the American Democratic Party gets jiggy in various poses! Some are dated from two years ago, others are not dated at all. Cobble together your own timeline, as we've gone against Luke Russert's wishes and posted a gallery after the jump.

Tired? Poor? Starting to wonder if you'll be a creative underclassman forever? Sick of feeling like the answer to the question "What do you?" is "Self-loathingly ask 'What do you do' at increasingly low-budget social events I used to think were the 'fun' part of doing this job?" Break the cycle! India, law school, teaching yoga… don't think it couldn't happen to you!

Shortly after hearing the scuttlebutt (yeah) yesterday about the summer intern who took her new TV network employers and shat all over them (no literally shat all over them) yesterday we put a call out to some of our most cherished sources for "nightmare intern" stories that might gratuitously expand upon the "Kids today: My they are insubordinate and entitled in just that infuriatingly unabashed way that will probably totally work in their favor!" meme. And wow, did the stories we heard totally play to our stereotypes in ways we could not even ourselves imagine! But they also helped to contour our cartoonish notions of "clueless lazy entitled youth" with hints of "well, their parents' generation is obviously to blame"-ism. Take the case of this hapless Vogue-ette!

Yes it's fine to post a photo of your adorable child on Flickr, why not? The dangers are: a) perverts will get off on these photos, b) predators will, who knows, decide to kidnap your adorable child because she is soooo cute on the internet, or c) your child will be targeted for online abuse by bloggers somewhere, for some reason. The first two are bullshit. Perverts will masturbate to everything, who cares. You are more likely to abuse your child than a stranger. And finally, as we've tried to explain, all this online abuse of innocent kids is actually directed at their over-sharing parents. So rest easy, Wall Street Journal mommyblogger! Or, like, make the pictures friends-only, as your friends have suggested. Either one. Christ. [WSJ]