Singing Furby Justin Bieber has enlisted the help of Jersey Shore's The Situation and DJ Paulie D to make promos for his new 3D concert extravaganza Never Say Never. The results are terrifying.

Christina doesn't know Jeremy Renner, but she knows his bed. Melissa Etheridge's ex knew she was cheating because the dildos were different. Lamar Odom would like you to imagine him having sex with his Kardashian wife. Wednesday gossip sleeps around.

America's most famous burlesque sister act, the Kardashians, will launch a Kardashian Kollection at over 400 Sears stores this August. Sounding Palinesque, Kourtney said, "There's a Sears right near our house." But have you ever been inside? Didn't think so.

A disfiguring dance floor accident forced David Arquette into rehab. Eva Longoria rebounds with Penelope Cruz's brother. T.I. gets "frisky" in jail. James Franco: "Maybe I'm just gay." Thursday gossip hits rock bottom.

Shrinking violet Khloe Kardashian, of the notoriously reclusive Kardashian-Jenner clan, is launching a new TV show called Khloe & Lamar. Previous enterprises of unyielding humility and fine-tuned subtlety include Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami and Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

Bieber-Gomez is the new Swift-Gyllenhaal. Katie Holmes celebrates her birthday with a passionless date with Tom Cruise. Charles Barkley laughs at Brett Favre's penis. Monday gossip is for lovers.

I've come to believe the Kardashians are but an optical illusion designed to put viewers in a fugue state, wherein brain use stalls and the ability to recognize pores diminishes. Come, let us gurgle at the Kardashians' uncanny Christmas pictures.

Today we raged about something called "Khloe Kardashian" using public rape as an analogy for TSA pat-downs. Some agreed with our anger! Others disagreed. And one commenter... sort of did both.

In an embarrassing effort to be "political" or something, Khloe Kardashian went on George Lopez Tonight (great political forum) and said of the TSA screening process: "They basically are just raping you in public." No, Khloe. No they are not.

Kim, Kourtney, and Khloe pull the plug on their predatory credit card. Lindsay Lohan wants a restraining order against paparazzi. Tom Brady battles male pattern baldness. Brad Pitt's plague of poor fashion choices returns. Tuesday gossip is a lost cause.

[Khloe Kardashian gives major stink face this morning while filming and shopping with sister Kourtney in SoHo. Image via Splash]

[The Sisters Kardashian: Kim, Khloe and Kourtney, exit the Plaza Hotel in New York. Photo via Splash]

America's trashiest magazine collides with Snooki's allegedly abusive, fame-seeking boyfriend. Paris Hilton is "not worried" about her cocaine arrest. Kim Kardashian sees her sister's vagina and likes it. Naya Rivera definitely egged Mark Salling's car. Monday gossip is a mess.

This week, Star magazine investigates the perilous lives of celebrity assistants. But what's the point of having power if you can't abuse it? A guide to which underling abuses are reasonable, and which will just get you sent to jail.

As Kourtney and Khloe got ready to leave Miami, Scott asked for Kourtney's help through his therapy. When she attempted to be serious with him about his issues, he was a complete dick and oblivious to her emotions.

Kourtney and Scott's tumultuous relationship came to a head last night when Kourtney confronted her baby daddy about his partying. In this clip, Scott releases his anger by punching a mirror, causing him to end up in the emergency room.

A disinterested Lamar Odom and unusually subdued Khloe discuss the Kardashian family bond and their lack of a honeymoon. If these two last at least another year, we think anybody can make it.

Lindsay Lohan's new girlfriend used to be an Israeli soldier; Khloe Kardashian vacuums up a snake; Paris hilton is OK. Melissa Etheridge's ex writes sad blog poetry. Your Fourth of July gossip roundup is full of all-American lesbian drama.

After interviewing a doctor who treats serial killers, Khloe is convinced that Scott is a sociopath. Past and present clips prove he is a ridiculous prick, but Khloe's persistence to prove he's crazy is a bit immature and annoying.

Because she only gets to see her husband for one night and forgot to get a bikini wax, Khloe allows Kourtney to give her an amateur wax so she won't be "a hairy beast," but rather, the "perfect little wife."