Lindsay Lohan's new girlfriend used to be an Israeli soldier; Khloe Kardashian vacuums up a snake; Paris hilton is OK. Melissa Etheridge's ex writes sad blog poetry. Your Fourth of July gossip roundup is full of all-American lesbian drama.

  • Lindsay Lohan has a new Israeli lesbian lover named Eilat Anschel. And everyone is super excited because she's a "former member of the Israeli Defense Force". Except, everyone in Israel has to join the IDF for at least two years, so, this is like saying Lindsay Lohan is a "former high school student." Still, sexxxy! Next, Lilo is going to date a hottie female Palestinian, then peace in the Middle East will finally be achieved. [TMZ]
  • Khloe Kardashian found a small snake inside her Los Angeles home on Friday, so she vacuumed it up and posted pictures of the snake to Twitter. Spooky. Didn't something like this happen in the Iliad? It's a sign from the gods that Khloe's next baby is going to be born with the hooves of a goat. [DailyMail]
  • For anyone who was worried about Paris Hilton's run-in with South African police for pot possession, she has tweeted reassurances that she is OK and not currently languishing in some dingy Johannesburg jail. She did not have pot on her: Her friend, former playboy centerfold Jennifer Rovero did, and was forced to pay a $130 fine. Back home, the legend of the playboy playmate who travels the world with huge stashes of pot is passed from 14 year-old boy to 14 year-old boy. [NYDN]
  • Heather Locklear just got out of rehab for prescription pill addiction. She is "doing great". [NYDN]
  • More 90210 news: Tori Spelling's husband, Dean McDermott got in a bad motorcycle accident. Spelling tweeted earlier "I said to @deanracer 'Babe do u want anything?' He said 'Oreo McFlurry!'" So, Dean McDermott's motorcycle crash was sponsored by McDonald's? [US]
  • Note to the lesbian partners of folk singers: Delete your New Age-y blog before your partner unceremoniously dumps you. Otherwise, you will end up like Tammy Lynn Michaels who wrote the following free verse poetry on her blog yesterday after Melissa Ethreridge moved to end their nine-year domestic partnership:

  • Gentle waves
    no noise for awhile
    or maybe gentle voices and
    SMACK!!!!!!!!!!!!
    FILE FOR DIVORCE!!!!!!!

  • The Situation's 28th birthday celebration is still going strong after it kicked off Tuesday in New York. He blew out another cake at Planet Hollywood in Las Vegas yesterday. [Radar]
  • Jessica Simpson is on a new weird vegan diet. She tweeted: "Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China…" So, you're starving yourself to get thin? No, she tweeted: "Just so everyone is clear… this has NOTHING to do with weight! It is about understanding my body through hydration and alkalinity." [US]
  • Dennis Miller is selling his giant Santa Barbara mansion for $17.5 million. Someone buy this so he has enough money to retire from doing those annoying segments on The O'Reilly Factor. [P6]

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