"Mommy is white trash," she allegedly told them. Katie Holmes contemplates bearing more Cruise children. Lou Reed makes Susan Boyle cry. Thursday gossip puts the "fun" in dysfunctional.

Someone on Mischa's yacht is a mole—is no starlet in St. Tropez is safe? Christina Ricci says Rob Pattinson is an "awesome" kisser. Ke$ha was a band geek. Hilary Duff is getting hitched. TGIFriday gossip.

To prove she is a natural human, an aging actress must post flawed pictures online. Montana Fishburne faces criminal charges for beating up her boyfriend's ex. Kelsey Grammer's flight attendant girlfriend is pregnant. Thursday gossip contains the circle of life.

As the Winslet-Mendes marriage fell apart, Kate "freaked out" over her Mendes-directed sex scenes with Leonardo. Snooki on sobering up in jail: "It happens to the best of us." Tuesday gossip is a matter of opinion.

Now we know why Oksana and Mel fought over her dentist: He was helping her leave her abuser. Kelly Osbourne breaks up with her model boyfriend. Angela Jolie is going to Comic Con. Thursday gossip is in a dark place.

Tila Tequila is too crazy for Gary Busey's safe haven. Michael Jackson hired mad scientists to teach pet chimp Bubbles to speak. Lindsay Lohan dodges "snake charmer" lawyer. Monday gossip is full of peril.

Jessica Simpson has a new boyfriend. Geri Haliwell has a bad boyfriend. Christiano Ronaldo has a mysterious baby-mama. Kate Hudson's boyfriend has a date with Goldie Hawn. George Clooney has a court date. Tuesday's gossip is all about meeting people.

Camille Grammer, Playboy model and rumored Real Housewife of Beverly Hills, has filed for divorce from her famous husband, Kelsey. At least he got out of being forced onto a reality show. Everyone at Bravo is probably weeping right now.

A misplaced passport nearly kept Paris Hilton from Cannes. John Travolta and Kelly Preston are expecting. Sharon Stone regrets looking "like a trout." Heidi Montag's father "fears for her life." Wednesday's gossip will get you through the week.

In honor of Broadway Week on Regis and Kelly, Kelsey Grammer and the cast of La Cage Aux Folles helped Regis unleash his inner diva. In full drag regalia, Regis took to the streets to flaunt his "attitude and accessories."

Comcast and Kelsey Grammer are is among the big names backing RightNetwork, a new network that "focuses on entertainment with Pro-America, Pro-Business, Pro-Military sensibilities." They've even been embedded with the Tea Party in preparation for a launch this summer.

Natalie Portman walking to her trailer on the set of Black Swan ... Rhea Perlman and Danny DeVito arriving at JFK ... Denis Leary shooting scenes for Rescue Me ... Kelly Rutherford picking up an iced tea at Yura On Madison ... Naomi Watts pushing her sons in a stroller ... Matthew Broderick walking with son James in the West Village ... Kelsey Grammer and wife Camille arriving at JFK ... Blake Lively walking with her bodyguard to the Gossip Girl set ... Vampire Diaries co-star Ian Somerhalder heading into Vento on Hudson Street ... and Kelly Bensimon of Real Houswives and Jersey Shore's Pauly D attending a charity event at Chelsea Piers.

• Lou Dobbs is leaving CNN! Tonight's his last show! Happy Wednesday! [NYT]
• Condé Nast magazines have lost a collective 8,359 pages of advertising in 2009, which represents a 31 percent decline from a year earlier. [NYT]
• One thing that Hearst has going for it: lots of cash in the bank. [NYP]
• Banker-turned-media investor Jimmy Finklestein is reportedly buying the Hollywood Reporter, Billboard, Adweek, and a few other Nielsen titles. [Wrap]
• Current TV is keeping current with the times and laying off 80 staffers. [LAT]
• TV: Joss Whedon's Dollhouse has been canceled by Fox; meanwhile, ABC has decided that Kelsey Grammer comedy series Hank will exist no longer.
• Détente? President Obama has agreed to give Fox News an interview. [HP]
• The New Yorker sure has lots of writers and editors! [NYO]
• Reality TV is slowly killing us. So says Vanity Fair's James Wolcott. [VF]

Former John Edwards campaign insider Andrew Young won't STFU. Karl Lagerfeld was told to STFU by Heidi Klum's people. Courtney Love trashed a hotel room. Harry Potter cast members got Swine Flu! Presenting your firework-cinged post July 4th Gossip Roundup!

How many pilots does ABC have in the works about the meltdown on Wall Street and the "sad toll it's taken on that once-mighty warrior, the investment banker"? Two, according to AdAge: "One is an untitled project starring Kelsey Grammer, who plays a Wall Street millionaire unhorsed by the collapsing economy and forced into a 'Mr. Mom'-like role at home with the family he hardly ever saw. The other is 'Canned,' a pilot about several younger Gen X friends fired from their lofty perch at an investment bank." [AdAge]

• Kelsey Grammer is once again looking for a buyer for his 8,000-square-foot house in Bridgehampton. Grammer listed the seven-bedroom home last year for $15.9 million before taking it off the market when he didn't get an offer. It's now up for sale for $13.9 million. [Newsday, Sotheby's]
• Mike McNamara, the CEO of Flextronics International, and his wife Deborah, have dropped the price of their apartment at the Plaza. Previously listed for $12.5 million, the three-bedroom abode is now on the market for $10.9 million. [Cityfile, Stribling]
• Private equity exec Howard Romanow and his wife Jamie paid $3.1 million for a fifth-floor apartment at the Brompton on East 85th Street. [Cityfile]

Ivana Trump turns 60 today. Anderson Cooper's mother, heiress Gloria Vanderbilt, is 85. Cindy Crawford is 43. Sidney Poitier turns 82. Coach president Reed Krakoff is 45. Grace Hightower De Niro is turning 56. Knicks guard Stephon Marbury is 32. Patty Hearst is turning 55. Architect Deborah Berke is turning 55. Charles Barkley is 46. Senator Mitch McConnell is turning 67. Actress Lauren Ambrose is 31. And poor Rihanna turns 21 today. Weekend birthdays after the jump!

At last night's opening night party for the New York City Ballet's David H. Koch Theater, guest of honor David Koch and wife Julia mingled with Candace Bushnell, Sarah Jessica Parker, Alicia Keys, Al Roker, Debbie Bancroft, Lisa Falcone, Mary Alice Stephenson, Alexandra Lebenthal, Zani Gugelmann, Annie Churchill, Peter Martins, Veronica Webb, Mark Indelicato, Blythe Danner, Valentino, Rachel Roy, Derek Lam, Peter Som, and Vanessa Williams, who all ate, drank, and danced to inaugurate the new Lincoln Center venue. [Wireimage, PMc, Style.com]

From Hollywood-residing Drudge-buddy Andrew Breitbart's new HuffPo for Conservatives to this sad Hollywood Reporter story on how conservatives in Tinseltown are an oppressed minority, everyone's talking about Showbiz Republicans! They are terribly mistreated, you know, by evil monster liberals who run that town. Sometimes they are called names at dinner parties! And also they are apparently fired all the time for being Republicans! Then they all get together in secret organizations to drink and talk about how bad they have it. It's just like being gay in rural Wyoming, right? Ha ha, just kidding. It's more like being the one Yankee fan in a Boston bar, and you also felt the need to wear your Jeter jersey. Dude, you went to Boston and put on your Jeter jersey, of course you got shit for it! Here's prominent famous successful Hollywood Republican Kelsey Grammer talking about how dangerous and hard it is being a Hollywood Republican:

The entertainment industry's GOP delegate count remains at historic lows two weeks ahead of the presidential election, a phenomenon glimpsed today in a new survey over at The Hollywood Reporter. It's surely not for lack of trying — not with efforts like An American Carol and the McCain campaign's brief Beverly Hills incursion raising Republican visibility where they can — but outrage continues to mount among right-wingers like Kelsey Grammer and pundit Andrew Breitbart, the latter of whom chimed in yet again to tout the conservative, "Big Hollywood" blog he's been pushing since before the GOP convention in August: