Regis had the morning off, so CNN heartthrob Anderson Cooper filled in with Kelly Ripa on "Live with Regis and Kelly." He's not quite cut out for it! In the clip above, he does everything in his well-toned power to prevent Kelly from touching him. And what red-blooded American male wouldn't do the same? Cheap laughs at everyone's expense!
In what is easily the tensest minute of television since the Man in the Members Only Jacket rose from his seat and disappeared into the Haltson's restroom to void his bladder, motormouthed premium-cable Hollywood agent Jeremy Piven faced off this morning against sinewy Regis Philbin sidekick Kelly Ripa in a test of strength. Promising to double the number of push-ups banged out by Ripa, Piven dropped to the floor alongside his foe, ready to prove to the world that he will not be emasculated by ninety pounds of morning show host.
I am going to use this column to do something I will never be able to do again—convey my first impressions of intensive Gawker-reading. Until I was asked to consider taking on this job, I had been only a casual reader, mainly clicking on the Stalker map to track the whereabouts of Kelly Ripa (Kelly: I know you love me! Why do you insist on playing these games?). Since that day, I have read more Gawker than is typical of any but the fruitlessly employed and Kurt Eichenwald's lawyer.
A sharp-eyed tipster directed us to this Kelly Ripa fan site (yes, such things exist) in the wake of Kelly's recent outburst. As the photos above show, Ms. Professional has been known to put her own hands over people's mouths, and receive the same. Maybe Regis is ultra-hygienic, or maybe Kelly isn't bothered by the aroma of Joy Philbin's twat, but our money's on the fact that, yeah, she was afraid of catching Clay. Shame, shame, shame. Also, can we end this scandal now? We wouldn't want Clay Aiken's hand in our mouths either, but only because it's probably touched Simon Cowell at some point.
So on Friday, Clay Aiken subbed in for Regis Philbin on the popular program What Your Grandma Watches Every Morning. A bizarre sequence of events occurred in which Clay shoved his hand over Grandma co-host Kelly Ripa's mouth, Kelly got upset, went on a five minute tirade about it to Regis upon his return, and then was called out for her homophobia by resident View Expert in Box-eating Issues Rosie O'Donnell. As if this ridiculous story hadn't gone far enough, Kelly then called into The View to defend herself. Were it not the week of Thanksgiving none of this would make a difference, but since it is, and, let's face it, there's not a lot else out there, we had Gawker videographer Richard Blakeley slap some of the best moments together. Enjoy the meta of Rosie talking about homophobia against someone whose sexual preference is still (sort of) a question! Or not, totally your call.
• Brad Pitt announces that his baby with Angelina Jolie is "imminent." Really? Did he just figure this out? What tipped him off? Did Zahara tell him? [CNN]
• Former Nanny Fran Drescher tells Howard Stern that she'd love a career in New York politics. Too bad not many people would willingly listen to her while she explained her platform. [Cityrag]
• Times mag on May 7; New Yorker on May 15; the Times today. It's official: the Dog Whisperer is overexposed. [NYT]
• Al Roker goes to Philly and gets a face shot. [Philadelphia Will Do]
• Got a hipster band but no success to speak of? Strong arm your way on the Misshapes playlist with a Joy Division cover. Ian Curtis = cash money. [My Old Kentucky]
• In LA, Madonna kicked off her world tour in fine form: by hanging herself from a giant disco crucifix. Those $400 tickets are going to be worth every penny. [AP]
• Kelly Ripa smells like fish. She won't tell you why, but we've some guesses. Nothing a little Summer's Eve can't fix. [BWE]
• Attention ladies and gays: looking for love? Try riding the subway between 5 and 6 AM, when the male/female ratio is 9:1. [Graphpaper]
