If a fight broke out, who would survive? Brad colludes with Angelina's kinda incestuous brother. Matthew Fox's stripper may have faulty memory. Madonna's boytoy stands in a corner and cries. Another day, another reality star sex tape. Thursday gossip arrives.

To illustrate how high-drama reality shows like The Bachelor are rendering soap operas basically obsolete, Kelly Ripa took us abruptly down memory lane to her days at All My Children and busted out a soap scene in roughly twenty seconds.

When Regis and Kelly grilled Bill Evans for falsely predicting the worst snowstorm to ever hit New York City, he responded like any sane person would, by predicting another massive snowstorm. Sometimes we just want to hold these guys accountable.

Channing Tatum finally explained his mysterious penis-injury on Regis and Kelly this morning. He accidentally had boiling water poured down his wet suit on-set, resulting in scalding all "all the way down" and "very little skin in places."

Will you be sitting next to Paulie D on the Jitney next summer? This morning Regis and Kelly imagined a world where this could be a perfect reality.

Today at Gawker.TV, tomorrow's Miss America Pageant is going to be a freak show, Pee Wee Herman gets an iPad, Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos talk about their children's mating habits, and John Mayer's Storytellers.

Kelly Ripa showed off a clip from her son's science project on snail reproduction: being a hermaphrodite and exchanging "love darts." But not before she and hubby make the awful gaffe of announcing that their kids mated with each other.

Today on Live!, guest host Jeff Probst recounted his closest brush with FCC fire: while chatting on-air with Ryan Seacrest one day, Probst handed the phone to Alec Baldwin—but forgot to tell him that the call wasn't private.

Chelsea Clinton's gone to Haiti to sweat under the Caribbean sun and assist victims of the devastating earthquake? No, but she did host a spin class last night that doubled as a benefit, raising $66,810 from the likes of Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos, who pedaled alongside the former first daughter at the event. Try and multi-task like that, George Clooney. [People]

Regis revealed today that his telephone difficulties extend beyond land lines. Kelly attempts to explain the simplicity of the iPhone's technology, but Regis insists that "it would take me a day and a half to tap all 3,000 apps!"

Today at Gawker.TV, a pint-size Jersey Shore, Will Arnett acts alongside Amy Poehler, Jimmy Fallon does his Neil Young impression, Kelly Ripa laughs at the names of Canadian cities, and a look back at this week in Late Night.

This one is for all the Canadians out there. Today on Regis and Kelly, Kelly Ripa's husband Mark Consuelos pontificate on the hilarity of some city names.

After a long hiatus due to hip replacement surgery, Regis made his triumphant return to Regis & Kelly last week. And he still has no idea how to use a telephone. This is not a recent development.

Arpad "Arki" Busson sneaking out of ex-fiancée Uma Thurman's Village townhouse yesterday, shortly before Thurman made her exit as well ... Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie running errands in Midtown during the day and heading into Alto on Madison Avenue for dinner ... Catherine Zeta-Jones leaving her apartment building ... Kelly Ripa getting in a cab with her son ... Kathy Griffin shooting scenes for Law & Order: SVU with Christopher Meloni and Mariska Hargitay ... Jessica Szohr walking to the set of Gossip Girl at Silvercup Studios in Queens ... Jessica and Ashlee Simpson going to dinner last night ... Katharine McPhee arriving at her hotel ... and Jersey Shore's Snooki and J-Woww posing for pics in the Flatiron District.

And the ball of ineptitude keeps bouncing on Wheel of Fortune. Somehow tonight managed to top last week's self-potato puzzle. I think it's safe to say that when a soldier is stationed overseas, they're not watching Regis and Kelly.

We're glad to have Regis back after his hip surgery. But when Kelly asks about New Year's resolutions, he replies, "never wearing a catheter again." Just what Live! viewers want to envision with their morning coffee.

While Anderson Cooper was guest hosting Live with Regis and Kelly, Ripa said, "Anderson was just saying to me, 'I hope I come out.'" Whoa, that can't be true. Anderson loves his closet something fierce!

Today on Live! With Regis and Kelly, Bryant Gumbel, who is filling in for Regis Philbin, announced he had surgery two months ago to remove a cancerous tumor from his lung.

RobPatz and K-Stew are doing it, a lot, instead of promotions. Jay-Z doesn't want to piss off Beyonce. Christie Brinkley: psycho. Diddy: birthday boy. Marv Albert Vs. 50 Cent? Fight of the year! Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup:

Daniel Craig walking near Columbus Circle with girlfriend Satsuki Mitchell ... Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump walking downtown ... Iman crossing the street with her daughter in SoHo ... Michael J. Fox watching a New York Giants game ... Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos seated next to Howard Stern and Beth Ostrosky at Lure on Saturday night ... Emily Blunt leaving her trailer on the set of The Adjustment Bureau in Midtown ... Mel Gibson walking with a friend in SoHo ... Adam Brody on the set of The Romantics on Long Island ... Sienna Miller walking her dog ... David Blaine hanging out in SoHo ... John McEnroe walking up Central Park West ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing a stroller downtown ... Mariah Carey filming her latest music video ... Taylor Swift heading to the SNL afterparty ... Katie Holmes going to dinner in Tribeca ... and Alex Rodriguez and Jay-Z leaving Nello's.