Lindsay Lohan has a bail hearing today. James Franco got a D in acting class. Taylor Momsen slaps Tim Gunn on the wrist. Nancy Wilson and Cameron Crowe divorce. TGIFriday gossip.

[Kelly Osbourne flaunts the dramatically thinner body she debuted at the Emmys, en route to a Pussycat Dolls performance. Her hat reminds me of Paris Hilton's and Jesse James' Nazi hats. Nazi hats: So hot right now? Image via Splash.]

Now we know why Oksana and Mel fought over her dentist: He was helping her leave her abuser. Kelly Osbourne breaks up with her model boyfriend. Angela Jolie is going to Comic Con. Thursday gossip is in a dark place.

Ayla Brown, the American Idol-singing daughter of Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown, just landed a job as a CBS Early Show contributor. Old nepotism: Inheriting your parent's political seat. New nepotism: Parlaying it into a media career.

[After a long, hard day of shopping, Kelly Osbourne and dog retreat to the safety of a motor vehicle. Image via X17 Agency.]

Paris Hilton's mans and ex-mans got into a fight and hopefully punched each other in the face. Adam Lambert and Ke$ha sucked face. Susan Sarandon got puked on by a tranny. Hillary Duff: engaged. Presenting your Saturday Morning Gossip Roundup:

It wouldn't be a Fashion Week without a bit of drama, and nothing says drama like a good, old-fashioned fight. Plenty of people are squaring off, but there can only be one victor. Who will walk away champion?

The blood of a thousand PR assistants runs through the streets after a frightful error leaves Wintour in the cold. Elin debates attending Tiger's press conference. Gabourey Sibide is so over Vanity Fair's all-white Young Hollywood issue. Thursday gossip ahoy!

Don't worry, she followed it up with "shhh." A Real Housewife gets bounced from Fashion Week. Kelly Osbourne and Peaches Geldof's elaborate dance of avoidance implodes. John Mayer's so far gone, even Oprah won't touch him. Wednesday gossip cometh.

Joe Francis' tax problems: no more. The Giuliani's make their migration nest nice. Brad Pitt's pot policies. The Eternal Sunshine of Tiger Woods' penis doesn't last. People cares about Michael Jackson's kids. Presenting your Valentine's Day Morning Gossip Roundup:

• Courtney Love has lost control of her daughter. Frances Bean Cobain is almost an adult—she's 17—but a LA judge has granted guardianship to Kurt Cobain's mother and younger sister yesterday. Don't think it's because Courtney is on drugs or completely crazy (although she is). It's just that Frances is a "strong-willed child" and prefers to "live with her grandmother at this time." [People, TMZ]
• Alex Rodriguez and Kate Hudson have yet to confirm reports they've broken up, but it's looking like A-Rod has already moved on. He was seen in Miami this past weekend in the company of a "leggy blonde," and reportedly told another bunch of girls he was chatting up that he's "definitely single." [P6, NYDN]
• Tara Reid's redemption is underway! Not only is she hanging out with classy characters like Giuseppe Cipriani, she's announced that she'll be appearing topless in the January-February issue of Playboy. Welcome back! [P6, Us]

The bar certainly isn't set high on Dancing With The Stars. Last night, Kelly Osbourne wriggled and floundered around the stage in a sparkly dress to "I Will Survive" (obviously) for two minutes. And the judges freaking loved it.

Paris is back, bitches. Art Garfunkel: kind of a bitch. Ann Landers went to Scores with JFK Jr. Diane von Furstenburg's been drinking Pimp Juice. Sammy Sosa: white. Metal weddings: black. Michael Moore: fat. Presenting your Sunday Morning Gossip Roundup!

Conservative mouthpiece Matt Drudge turns 43 today. Writer Fran Lebowitz is 59. John Cleese is turning 70. Kelly Osbourne is turning 25. Scott Weiland of Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver is turning 42. Duran Duran's Simon Le Bon is 51. Financier J. Christopher Flowers is 52. Director Ivan Reitman is turning 63. Oscar-winning Italian actor Roberto Benigni turns 57. Novelist Zadie Smith is 34. And Marla Maples, the second wife of Donald Trump and the mother of one of his five kids, is 46 today.

• Claire Danes and Hugh Dancy got married in a quiet ceremony in France a few weeks ago. Sneaky! [Life & Style]
• Emmy Rossum's husband, music exec Justin Siegel, has filed for divorce. (Their 2008 secret marriage was only discovered when the couple was reported to have split up in August.) Naturally, Siegel is asking Rossum to pay for the divorce and he's seeking spousal support, too. [TMZ, Us]
• Yet another book is coming out alleging that Bill Clinton did inappropriate things. In her new book Government Girl: Young and Female in the White House, Stacy Parker Aab claims Clinton groped her in a hotel room in 2000 and his pal Vernon Jordan tried to kiss her twice. Good thing the poor girl got this all off her cheat a mere nine years after the fact. [NYDN]

Is Kanye West considering rehab? Would Michael appreciate Janet's mournful gesture? Should we all just forget Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic ways? So many questions! Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup....

There is no reason why the hoofers on Dancing with the Stars should be the only ones to make profit from the show. While they're endorsing diet plans and signing deals, we're going to bet cash on the winner.

• The case of the mercury-tainted sushi lives on: Chris Kattan ran into Jeremy Piven backstage during a taping of Alexa Chung's MTV show last week and made a crack about Piven's short stint on Broadway; a very offended Piven responded by calling Kattan's entire career into question. [NYDN]
• Madonna's Brazilian-born boy toy, Jesus Luz, is more than just a model: He's now a DJ, too. [P6]
• Bethenny Frankel is no fan of Gwyneth Paltrow: "I'd rather staple my eyelids shut than watch Gwyneth cook." We're going to assume the feeling is mutual. [NYDN]
• In what amounted to a two-way publicity stunt, Kathy Griffin and Levi Johnston (better known as Bristol Palin's baby daddy) turned up to the Teen Choice Awards last night holding hands. [Us]

Drew Barrymore crossing the street in Midtown ... Kelly Ripa checking her cell phone in SoHo ... Anne Hathaway eating lunch in the Village ... Heidi Klum leaving her hotel with an apple in hand ... Chris Kattan walking in the meatpacking district ... Amber Rose talking to friends outside her apartment downtown ... Emilie de Ravin and Robert Pattinson filming scenes for Remember Me in Brooklyn Heights ... Keyshawn Johnson walking with a friend downtown ... Kelly Osbourne leaving MTV studios ... Leighton Meester and Ed Westwick shooting a scene for Gossip Girl on the Upper East Side ... Nic Cage leaving his hotel in Midtown ... and Jennifer Aniston shopping at Only Hearts on Mott Street.

Twilight's Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are pregnant, Angelina Jolie and David Beckham are starring in an Armani ad together, Britney's sporting a new "spare tire," Michael Bay made Megan Fox wash his Ferrari and Joyce DeWitt got a DUI.