To keep up with all the rumors they're starting, Katy and Russell will need one thousand and one nights of non-stop ceremonies. Cops investigate Mel Gibson. Elle MacPherson is sorry she ate an endangered animal. TGIFriday gossip.

Once in a while—remember this?—a music video that naturally lends itself to parody is released. The most recent one is Katy Perry's "California Gurls," and—in the parody war—there are two contenders: gays and grandpas. Inside, video of both.

Lindsay's "fuck u" manicure was "a joke," but her Cato Institute-quoting tweets aren't. New Mel Gibson tapes apparently show him telling Oksana she "deserved" physical abuse. Ryan Seacrest's beard commits—with sexy photos? Thursday gossip speaks truth to power.

Katy Perry tamed a sex addict. Stephanie Pratt might be coming to New York. Hottie soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo has a love child. Lady Gaga only wants your attention. Monday's Gossip Roundup is a three-day weekend of gossip things

Hey gurls! Looking for a summertime video jam featuring the twinkiest of West Hollywood? Here: Katy Perry's "California Gurls," sung lip synced to by gays. It's like last year's jam, Party in the USA. Kewtest boi is 8 seconds in.

"17 stitches later" Katy Perry contemplates using a walker onstage. The cast of Glee won't stop banging on set. Conan and Lance Armstrong get in a Twitter fight. Tiki Barber is broke. Wednesday gossip gets you through the hump.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green's second engagement is off to a rocky start. Katy Perry and Miley Cyrus get new tattoos. Farrah Fawcett's ghost barges in on Tori Spelling's psychic reading. Thursday gossip has no manners.

Lindsay Lohan dodges a second warrant for her arrest by posting bail for the second time. A third Gary Coleman will surfaces. J.Lo makes a deejay repeat her song six times in a row. Wednesday gossip is in the doldrums.

If you're a female celebrity and you haven't gone girl-on-girl before a crowd of roaring, adoring males, you're probably gay. Last night, Sandra kissed Scarlett as revenge on Jesse. How did lesbian kisses become the ultimate mainstream display of hetero-desirability?

[Katy Perry sports an unusual hairdo, skipping in L.A. Image via X-17 Agency.]

Apparently Tila's stint on Celebrity Rehab will cure her of addiction to powdered sleep aids. Katy Perry thinks she's the "new Brangelina." The Hoff gets hospitalized after a three-day alcohol binge. Miley Cyrus is skipping college. Here's your Tuesday gossip.

TV stars are employees of a network and they have to do what their boss says. Early Thursday, CW made it's stars (and Katy Perry!) perform for an audience of pasty, clammy advertisers.

Who do you think is 2010's "hottest woman"? Well, it doesn't matter, because the answer is Katy Perry, who tops Maxim's " 2010 Hot 100." The fact that she has a new album coming out this summer? Merely a coincidence.

We were so busy gawking at Real Housewife Danielle Staub eating dinner with skater Johnny Weir in Chelsea last night that we missed the Costume Institute Gala Benefit. Luckily fictional freelancer Betsey Morgenstern was there in our stead.

It involves a violent Samantha Ronson confrontation. Sandra Bullock gets a mistress apology. Marc Jacobs breaks up with his boytoy. Bret Michael remains in the ICU. Mariah isn't preggers. Monday's gossip roundup has all the answers.

With a tap of Zooey Deschanel's tambourine and a flash of Eli-Peaches PDA, begins Coachella, the California music festival where, every year, starlets muss up their hair and don frayed denim with the hope of landing an indie rock boyfriend.

[Pasty pop star sports slogan coined by The Situation. Gym, tanning, laundry: three things Jersey dwellers must do everyday. Image via Splash.]

On Saturday, Katy Perry was drenched in green slime at the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards. It happened while she presented the "favorite movie actress" award to Miley Cyrus. After the sliming, Jonah Hill made a somewhat inappropriate joke.

Sprayed-in-the-face caption contest starts now. Click image to enlarge. [Image via Getty]