Because they're lesbians. No, seriously, that is why both the famous actress and the famous photographer are FLAT BROKE. Because of godless girl-love. Also, Matt Lauer ran into a deer.

The return of China-eyes. Jen Aniston, miserable. What's new? Katy Perry gets peed on, while the Octomom remains bewildered and horrible. Plus, Twilight!!!

• Hope you're ready to go through it all over again: Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattrall, Cynthia Nixon, and Kristin Davis have all agreed to participate in a Sex and the City movie sequel. [Us]
• Graydon Carter should really consider writing a nutrition cookbook: It seems Madonna's secret to eternal youth is the salmon with lentils at the Waverly Inn. [L&S]
• Still more drama from the inaugural festivities in DC earlier this week: Chris Matthews got pissed about having to wait on line, Sharon Stone was annoyed she had to co-host a segment on CNN with D.L. Hughley, and Halle Berry went into panic mode after her dress got caught in an escalator. [P6]
• Gwyneth Paltrow was spotted on a flight doing yoga in the aisle recently. Is this becoming a trend? [Star]
• Charges against Mathias Guerrand-Hermès have been dropped. [NYDN]

My favorite singer, riot princess Katy Perry, maybe took a nude photo of herself. And, you know, liked it! Our smutty cousin, that dad says we shouldn't talk to, has the (maybe fake?) pic. [Fleshbot]

The forever-scorned actress, always crying because of horrible men, doesn't like them that much anyway. "Men come and go but there really is no relationship like the one you have with a dog," she says.

OMG: Celebuzz exclusively reports that faux lesbian Katy Perry has broken up with her faux lesbian-loving boyfriend, Travis McCoy of Gym Class Heroes. Celebuzz also exclusively reports that Travis took to his blog with these heartfelt words of pain about the breakup:

• Rudy Giuliani is reportedly in negotiations to take over Bill O'Reilly's syndicated radio show when he steps down early next year. Whether Rudy could handle sitting still for three hours a day and what effect this would have on his rumored plans to run for office, remain unclear. [P6]
• Jennifer Aniston is "bizarrely obsessed" with Angelina Jolie, says OK! The proof: She wore a dress that was "almost an exact copy" of something Angie once wore, and she can't stop talking about the couple to friends. [OK!]
• Madonna now says the financial details her publicist Liz Rosenberg released last week concerning her divorce settlement with Guy Ritchie were "misleading and inaccurate." [People, Mirror]
• Anderson Cooper was supposedly spotted shopping for sweaters with a "young Frenchman" at Barneys Co-Op. Wait, what happened to Julio? [P6]

Singer Katy Perry is at best a pretty pop princess in retro riot grrl makeup and at worst an enemy of the gay civil rights movement. Her song "I Kissed a Girl" is a paean to girls getting drunk and sucking mug with other girls while their boyfriends watch. I don't want to sound uppity, but it's kind of a shitty song with a shitty message—that cutesy fake homosexuality is silly fun and good for attracting boys. So it pisses me off a bit that she's on the cover of Out magazine's "Out 100" issue this month. Why is this tittering dykesploitationist worthy of gay hero status? Sure, OK, Out isn't exactly the arbiter of gay culture it sometimes seems to fancy itself, but still! The bulk of the little bit on Perry is pretty praising (though they do at least mention the fact that some gay activists aren't happy with the song or Ms. Perry—who also has a song called "Ur So Gay" about a po-mo/homo ex-boyfriend who like, drinks wine and drives a hybrid) and that, I think, is pretty embarrassing for the magazine. Harmless fun is only fun when it's, well, harmless. This kind of co-opting of a hard-fought cause does, I suspect, do some damage. Both of her geigh-themed ditties are kind of "jokes" in that way where they actually aren't jokes at all but the problem is that people who are smart enough to "get" "it" (common idiots, out of work chimps) are also smart enough to, you know, not like her music. It's her impressionable teeny bop fan girls who I worry about. I worry, frankly, that when they are of age... they will go wild.

[Chekhov "joke"! Drunky singer Lily Allen, burlesque china doll Dita Von Teese, and Jill Sobule burglar Katy Perry at the Dior show for Paris Fashion Week today; image via Bauer-Griffin]

To help generate further internet excitement and mainstream media buzz, tween superstar Miley Cyrus and potential one hit wonder Katy Perry air kissed their way down the red carpet at the VMAs on Sunday afternoon. Cyrus' mother, Tricia, made sure that she oversaw the air kissing and light hand holding. Mrs. Cyrus said, "I'm just here to make sure she doesn't run into that Ronson chick or get too buck wild. She's already had two Rock Stars, I think that's where it's going to stop today. "

Blake Lively signing autographs outside the David Letterman show ... Michelle Williams and daughter Matilda holding hands ... Katy Perry, the Pussycat Dolls, and Jesse McCartney performing in Rockefeller Center ... Kevin Jonas shopping with a bodyguard on Fifth Avenue ... Michael Phelps giving swimming lessons at an event at a YMCA ... Alec Baldwin shooting scenes for 30 Rock ... actress Kristen Johnston walking her dog through SoHo ... Jessica Szohr grabbing a bite to eat on the set of Gossip Girl ... and Katie Holmes saying goodbye to John Lithgow after the two had dinner downtown.

Though MTV isn't always respectful of its own history, it can usually be counted on to remember one thing: a VMAs ceremony is nothing without a memorable kiss. Whether it's Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley or Madonna and Britney Spears, celebrity-on-celebrity Frenching is an absolute must if the network hopes to draw buzz through umpteen rebroadcasts the following week. Luckily, one of this year's biggest songs — "I Kissed a Girl" — gives MTV just the opportunity it needs. Says E!'s Marc Malkin:

1) At the New York premiere of spy thriller Traitor at the Regal Union Square last night, the film's stars Don Cheadle, Guy Pearce, Said Taghmaoui, and Mozhan Marno walked the red carpet along with director Jeffrey Nachmanoff, Busta Rhymes, Jesse Williams, Estelle, Aubrey O'Day, and Nicole Miller. [NYO/Wireimage]

Katy Perry has a big dance hit with her pseudo-lesbian-curious song "I Kissed A Girl." The singer has been clawing for a break since at least 2001, and it turns out that before discovering the celebrity-making power of girl-on-girl tongue this year, and even before trying to win fame via her "really big boobs" in 2004, Perry pitched herself as a Christian singer. Her debut album was released under her prior recording name, Katy Hudson, and included gospel songs like "Faith Won't Fail" and "Last Call," the latter featuring the phone number for the church where her father was a pastor. UPDATE: Here's what Perry, still in her holy music phase, told Alison Rosen of Seventeen magazine about premarital sex: