In your well-balanced Wednesday media column: NPR totally has Justinmania, Rob Shuter gets a new job, predictable Newseum layoffs, and Rupert Murdoch would like to teach the Arabs a thing or two.

• A judge has granted a temporary restraining order barring Jennifer Lopez's ex, Ojani Noa, from distributing a sex tape starring his former wife/benefactor. The order is only in effect for a day and another hearing is scheduled for today, so J. Lo's sex-filled 1997 honeymoon may still see the light of day yet. [TMZ, Reuters]
• Malaysian party boy (and clubland savior) Jho Low celebrated his 28th birthday last week at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas with "bikini-clad party girls and surrounded by caged lions and tigers." Later, he partied with Paris Hilton, Usher, and Jamie Foxx, who reportedly "gifted the birthday boy" with a red sports car for some reason. Apparently, Low is often mistaken for photographer Chance Yeh, so make sure you don't get these two mixed up. A tip: Low is one buying 120 bottles of Cristal. [P6]
• Robert "Joe" Halderman, the guy accused of trying to extort David Letterman, appears in court today and his lawyer is expected to ask the judge to dismiss some of the charges against him. How long he'll be able to afford a lawyer is unclear. He's raised $100,000 for his legal defense fund, but he was also suspended without pay by CBS recently, too. [NYP, MSNBC]
• Madonna wants to clear a few things up: Yes, she's going to Brazil, but no, it's not to meet Jesus Luz's mom. She's going "strictly for fundraising and humanitarian purposes," thank you very much. [P6]

It's always been tough to imagine Justin Timberlake fitting into a movie about the geeky origins of Facebook, even if he was slated to play hard-partying advisor and "founding president" Sean Parker. That mental struggle is over.

Since he first stepped into the solo spotlight, Justin Timberlake has been Hollywood's prince in waiting, just one perfect role away from claiming his crown as the biggest star in the world forever. Now he has found that part.

Celebrities deal with all kinds of ghouls: fans, paparazzi, tabloid media (Hi!), D-Listers, agents, etc. But the spookiest? Stalkers. Certifiable crazies who can't get enough of you. Literally. Everyone's got one lately: JT, Ryan Seacrest, Miley Cyrus, and...Bret Easton Ellis?

If you see a bunch of suspicious-looking nerds loitering in your dorm courtyard and plotting privacy violations, don't panic, according to Johns Hopkins University administrators: It's just Justin Timberlake and his buddies pretending to be Facebook founders. (Update: No Timberlake!)

• Renee Zellweger is going to be spending the holidays with Bradley Cooper's family in Philadelphia. Meanwhile, Bradley Cooper's ex-wife, Jennifer Esposito, is now engaged to Australian tennis player Mark Philippoussis. So everyone's happy, right? Well, except for Jennifer Aniston, that is. [NYDN, People]
• Speaking of happy couples, now that they've supposedly inked their pre-nup, Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom went out and inked themselves with each other's initials, too. Marriage after just a couple months, now matching tattoos... what could possibly go wrong? [People]
• Madonna planted a tree to kick off construction of her new girls' school in Malawi. She wore heels. And she looked awkward. [AP]
• At Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner's wedding on Sunday, guests were given a gift bag containing a book in Hebrew and flip-flops with a tag that read "Ivanka and Jared—what a pair." Of course, that's a step up from the wedding invitations which contained a promotional flyer for one of Donald Trump's golf courses. [NYP]

The Scientology flack who walked out on Bashir came back and tried to have Nightline cut, Steve Phillips' ESPN squeeze is, inevitably, also fired, Timberlake's stalker is cheating on him, while Diane von Furstenberg's Madrid mugging was tweeted.

• Brad Pitt lives. Although his motorcycle was rear-ended by a paparazzo's car on Saturday and he lost his balance, neither he nor his bike suffered any damage, although he did get to exchange a few "heated" words with the photographer before leaving the scene. [Us]
• Lindsay Lohan's downward spiral continues, not surprisingly. She's been dropped by her record label, Casablanca Records, and there are reports that she isn't even getting paid for her gig as Emanuel Ungaro's "artistic adviser." And she's been on a "serious shopping spree" in recent days, which probably isn't good news. Then again, she's being followed around by camera crews, so maybe this will all be turned into a reality show at some point. [P6, NYDN]
• Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner tied the knot in front of 500 guests yesterday in an "over the top" ceremony at the Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster, New Jersey. (On hand for the big event: Andrew Cuomo, Rudy Giuliani, Anna Wintour, Barbara Walters, Sheldon Silver, and Emmy Rossum, among others.) The couple is heading to Africa on their honeymoon. [NYP]

It appears Aaron Sorkin has confirmed many of the casting choices for his upcoming Facebook movie. If only Silicon Valley were this good looking. There's someone from Gossip Girl, Melanie Griffith's daughter — even a very built male model.

• The Letterman mess rolls on. The Late Show host issued another apology on his show last night, describing how the scandal has impacted his wife, Regina Lasko ("She's been horribly hurt by my behavior"), and kindly pointing out that he's not having sex with any of his current staffers. Meanwhile, Stephanie Birkitt, the woman at the center of the "scandal," supposedly wrote in her diary that she was dating alleged extortionist Robert "Joe" Halderman and sleeping with Letterman as recently as last fall, leading Halderman to flip out when he read her diary in December. [NYP, NYDN]
• So are Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem engaged? While Cruz's rep went with "no comment," Bardem's flack said, "I really don't know, but would not be able to say anything even if I did." That sounds like a "yes" to us! [People]
• Celebrity chef Todd English skipped out of his wedding at the last minute this past weekend. His jilted bride went ahead with the party anyway, while English headed to South Beach to hit the bars and clubs. Classy. [P6]
• Heidi Klum has filed documents to change her name to "Heidi Samuel," since that's Seal's last name. Please update your address book accordingly. [TMZ]

• Despite several tabloid reports yesterday that Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel had broken up, they were photographed holding hands on Monday in Santa Barbara. So what's going on? "Things have been rocky the last few months, but they're working it out," one source tells the Post. ("They've been spending more time apart... and they've been reevaluating their relationship," another tells People.) Oh, and what about those Rihanna rumors? JT and Ri Ri are apparently just working on a track together. [People, P6, NYDN]
• Another dubious rumors making the rounds: that Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are expecting a baby. Hudson's rep is denying it. [NYDN]
• Madonna told David Letterman that she'd "rather get run over by a train" than remarry again. Poor Jesus doesn't have a prayer, it seems. [HP]
• Lauren Conrad has snagged a movie deal for L.A. Candy, her debut novel about a totally unfamiliar topic, "a 19-year-old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a fishbowl life." [Variety]

Elizabeth Edwards may have given up on her marriage. Paris Jackson knows who killed her father. Liz Taylor once tried suicide. And Palin could be trying her hand at beauty. Good morning, sunshine! Here's your Thursday morning gossip roundup!

• Things are heating up between Justin Timberlake and Rihanna. "Hot grinding sessions," "steamy private after-parties," "impromptu lap dances," and non-stop texting sessions have all been on the agenda in recent days, at least if you're buying what the Star's "sources" are selling. [Star]
• Madonna will do anything for the young Brazilian man in her life, Jesus Luz. And if that means taking him to the downtown gay bar Easternbloc so he can "get some DJ experience in her old hood," well, then so be it. [P6]
• Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman's play, A Steady Rain, has set a record for the "highest weekly sales of a non-musical play." We're guessing their good looks, not just their acting talent, may have something to do with that. [Reuters]

• Bethenny Frankel isn't going to be happy about this one bit, but her Real Housewives of New York City co-star, Kelly Killoren Bensimon, is going to appear semi-nude in the December issue of Playboy. The 40-year-old reality TV star won't have to worry about competing with the women almost half her age who normally grace the magazine's pages: The photos were reportedly taken by her ex-husband, photographer Gilles Bensimon, "several years ago." [In Touch, P6]
• Jennifer Aniston was reportedly in tears over a scene for her flick The Bounty because it reminded her of Brad Pitt. The actress supposedly pulled it together to shoot her lines, but the source said, "privately she is still very fragile." Her rep denies it ever happened. But if it did happen, Jen probably needs a better therapist. [P6]
• Topper Mortimer and his girlfriend, Vogue editor Valerie Boster hit the New Yorkers for Children Fall Gala on Tuesday night... as did Topper's ex, Tinsley. Val was reportedly "not happy," but luckily, they all weren't seated together so there was no WASP throwdown. [P6]

Well, the contentious rumors have been confirmed: Justin Timberlake will play founding president Sean Parker in a little film entitled The Social Network, which everyone else just calls "that Facebook movie." Meanwhile, Jesse Eisenberg will play founder Mark Zuckerberg. [AFP]

Justin Timberlake dispensed a lesson in celebrity (retarded) physics, Martha Stewart demonstrated how not to hide your Twitter ghostwriter and Ana Marie Cox is walking around in a haze and think about a 12-step program. The Twitterati bumbled.

The world's absolutely abuzz over news about the Emmy Awards, which are kind of like television's Oscars and very important. In case you missed them, here are some things you should know about the winners, the losers and the critics.

Megan Fox has super special sexual powers. Avril Lagine's love-life is "komplicayted," or however she spells it. Jon Gosselin is still around. Justin Timberlake's a funny drunk. Babies, rappers, Yokos, McSteamies, and more! Presenting your Rosh Hashana Morning Gossip Roundup.

John Mayer leaving his building ... Sean Penn getting out of an SUV with model Jessica White ... Sarah Jessica Parker leaving the gym ... Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen holding hands in Nolita ... Mena Suvari walking until an umbrella ... Calvin Klein and Ross Bleckner eating at Bar Pitti ... Miranda Kerr getting out of an SUV with her puppy ... ... Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts pushing a stroller in the East Village ... Daniel Craig signing autographs outside his Broadway show ... Mischa Barton leaving Gemma on the Bowery ... Charlize Theron walking with Stuart Townsend ... Justin Timberlake leaving the Jay-Z concert, and signing autographs for fans at the US Open over the weekend ... Nigel Barker walking with his wife and daughter in the West Village ... Alessandra Ambrosio getting out of an SUV ... Matt Dillion at Da Silvano ... photographer Bruce Weber walking on Bleecker Street ... Kelly Rutherford carrying her son near Bryant Park ... Jessica Stam walking in the West Village ... and Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr leaving the Gramercy Park Hotel.